Reading;Priscilla gets her sponsorship withdrawn by Ricki after she stands Ricki up. She is sad. Boohoo.
Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing
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Tuesday, Oct. 14, 2003 - 5:15 p.m.
WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.
You say Color and I say Colour
So many things are two sided. Or seem so simple as a concept.
Confidentiality.
Today on the radio there was a program about talking with teenagers. One woman called in and asked how to be there for her younger teenage sister. The expert said: confidentiality is most important. She must know that what you say will go no farther. If not she will censor what she says. If she knows you will talk to your parents... she will only tell you the same things she would tell your parents. He went on to say, that is so important in his business as a psychotherapist... confidentiality: he will not tell the parents what the teenagers have told him.
This seems so simple, understandable, obvious.
and yet... sisters, lovers, parents, friends, are NOT psychotherapists. The psychotherapist has ONE relationship... the therapist/client relationship. He is not in a relationship to the parents.
What if the sister finds out that her sister is suicidal. Or being abused by their father? Or going to steal the family car and run off with druggy friends tomorrow night? Or, or, or. How could she live with knowing that information in advance and not having told anyone? What will she do, keep it for a secret for the rest of her life? What will happen if her parents find out in three years that her sister had told her of plans to kill herself, but had kept confidentiality?
How will she be able to interact with her father if she has learned he is abusing her younger sister, and cannot say that she knows? How will she act normally with her parents when they wake up in the morning and discover the car stolen. Will she keep her mouth shut as they call the police? What will she say to the police?
In my book on betrayal, it says how some things are just no-win situations. Suppose you see your best friend's husband making out with another woman in a bar when your best friend has said how he has to work so much overtime these days. If you tell her, she will see you as attacking her relationship and a bearer of bad news. If you don't tell her, she will see you as a betrayer of her trust if she finds out later and you had known and had left her in the dark.
In real life we are not psychotherapists and confidentiality can be another word for keeping secrets. "it's just between you and me" can be the start of many many poisonous things.
For a sad look at keeping the confidence of a friend, watch the movie Dancer in the Dark with Bjork. She dies although innocent, rather than tell the truth, which would be betraying a "friend".
Transparency
My therapist likes to say that she wishes everyone were as transparent as I. That the world would be a better place.
I have been told that I am marvelous since I am an open book.
And I have been told I am a drama queen. I have no sense of privacy. I am indiscrete. A blabbermouth, a gossip. Airing dirty laundry in public. That I betray.
Ironically I keep most secrets that I am told to keep, religiously. It is the things that I am not told to keep as secrets that I see as important information. Like a journalist... don't say it, show it.
I have stubbornly refused to help a listener comprehend a situation i am in because I dont want to betray a secret a friend has entrusted to me. And had that same friend stop speaking to me because I gave out information I considered perfectly public domain, or at least shared domain. Such as what their mother does for a living. Or that we were monogamous while we were together. Somehow that was a huge betrayal, even though I never once mentioned that they were abused as a child by their relatives, which would explain a lot. I dont know.
And the same people who find it important disclosure when THEY are receiving knowledge from me, or when I cut through bullshit with other people, call it betrayal of trust, and backstabbing when I give knowledge about THEM, or cut through THEIR bullshit. They choose me because I hide nothing, and then run from me because I hide nothing.
Transparent and honest.
or
Indiscrete and untrustworthy.
Expectations
"if you never have expectations, you will never be disappointed"
"You expected too much"
"Don't expect, then you'll appreciate whatever you get"
......and then again:.....
"No wonder you are disappointed if you expect so little from them"
"You didnt expect enough so they treated you like shit"
"You really are happy with crumbs eh! If you are happy with crumbs, you will get crumbs."
Demanding
"You must set your limits and stand by them"
"You must make clear consequences"
"If you don't demand much, you won't get much"
........and then again:....
"You are too demanding"
"You are not flexible enough"
"I would've given more if you didnt demand it"
or
"I left you cuz you let me be lazy... you don't demand enough of me"
Unconditional Love
"You should love unconditionally"
"It is better to be compassionate than critical"
"You must learn to be more forgiving in your relationships"
....and then again...
"You should just walk away if you arent happy"
or
"No wonder you get walked all over, if you still love them after the way they act"
"Not surprising you get betrayed... anyone could see they had problems"
"I left you because you accepted me when I was an asshole"
or
"How could you forgive someone who did that to you? No wonder they don't respect you"
I could go on and on. This really should be a comic, but I am convincing myself I am not "NOT working" since I am typing my diary, and not doing cartooning, which would be drawing.
I realise this is similar to the husband who is not "cheating" because spends ALL his time with his best womanfriend while neglecting his wife, and not with a mistress. hah.
Off to work. More later.
Quote today:"People with no conscience tend to suffer less stress......
...So far as I know, neither the senator nor I have ever killed anybody. When the senator was governor of Florida, there was a state senator who used to give him fits. And there are certainly some people who have given me fits. But both of us, being civilized men, just swallowed our anger and maybe let fly with a harmless quip or two. Maybe eating our anger, rather than eating key lime pie and cheeseburgers, is what rusted our pipes.
It was different with Saddam. No man ever made him angry twice. No man ever annoyed him twice. No man ever even questioned him twice. It could be that in some strange, perverted way, being able to act out all of your impulses and never feel bad about doing it is a formula for a healthy, physical life."
Courtesty of Charley Reese, reflecting on why Saddam never suffered a heart attack. Hmmm.
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previous meanderings - future past
Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009
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