Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing
101 Things About Me
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To Do List
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Thursday, Apr. 22, 2004 - 2:07 a.m.
Cost of the War in Iraq
WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.
Three Questions Answered Many Times Over
OKAY, here are the replies to "Three Questions" from Sunday. I guess I should have repeated this link in every entry since Sunday so more people would think to ask questions.
BTW for those who only click on the latest entry, you have probably missed a few.
Earlier tonight, I asked you to look at this link here... which is well worth your time and effort believe you me.
If you are tuning in now and didn't see the sketches for my Far North book which I posted late last night, please see the sketches now.
Only one person wrote which words of the vocabulary here that they liked the best. Some nice spring photos as well.
OK, so that out of the way, forward and onward with
From Elizabeth who doesn't believe in simple and easy questions:2)Do you believe in "free will"? Explain.(Elizabeth is secretly a writer of philosophy exams) I suppose I do believe in free will, as much as we have to obey the laws of physics, biology, and the constraints of our knowledge, imagination, psychological makeup and the time we live in. Our wills are bounded by our self-limitations, our desires of who we want to be as a person and many other things. Given all the "givens" of any situation of any person in any time and space there are still multiple directions to go in, and I believe that that is what we know as free will. The ability to decide to go in one direction vs another. But I believe that "freedom" is very tiny, given all that is theoretically possible which no one would do or think of doing.3)What solidifies your reality? (i.e. what makes the world real to you?) A feeling of being in contact with both my mind and my senses. I say that from experience of having the world feel unreal to me. At that time I felt like I was disassociated from both my physical sensing of the world through my taste, touch, hearing etc, as well as disassociated from my mental and emotional sensing of the world. I felt "out of it", with a feeling of not "being here", a feeling of having no reliable memory, control over my thought or speech or actions. I have no idea how it left, that connectedness, and I have no idea how it slowly came back, but it is a precious thing to me. Touching something and feeling no disjunction between my fingertips' sensations and my mind understanding is a marvelous thing. Hearing words and having them make sense in my head and fit into a continuity of experience is a blessing. Obviously there is a psychological component, a physical component to it all, which is disrupted through extreme stress, through depression, through the use of drugs, and also injury to the physical body. And missing any one of those components which must work together makes reality unreal. That has been my experience. Thank god most of the time it works.
If I knew this I would write a book. HAHA! no, you can write a book about it. Use it for creative purposes. For instance I wrote a book about people behaving badly after my last breakup. And I have written about trying to get pregnant... I would like to do a book on infertility for single women and dykes.
- 1)How would you turn your greatest regret into your greatest asset?
From Radiogurl:2) Have you ever volunteered at an agency that serves the disadvantaged (i.e., a food bank or soup kitchen or other comparable institution)? I have volunteered 1) at the red cross blood donor clinics when a teenager 2) as a candy striper with kids at the hospital when I was a teenager 3) at a Saturday program for autistic kids when a teenager 4) at the Women's Union as a young adult 5) at the YWCA library as a young adult 6) as a teacher for an adult literacy program as an adult 7) at a bisexual women's support group as an adult 8) at groups such as Queer Nation and Lesbian Avengers as an adult 9) helping drive drunk people home over the holidays with Operation Nez Rouge as an adult 10) twice serving meals at a homeless shelter over the holidays. I tried to go into schools to speak about homophobia but I was rejected cuz I'm bisexual, and I tried to volunteer to be a Big Sister but they told me they only need Big Brothers. Eight years volunteering to work full time for two to five weeks in the summer at a Womyn's Music Festival.That's all off the top of my head for now.3) If you won the lottery tomorrow, what is the first thing you'd buy? I already answered that in some quiz thingie. I said "a long espresso coffee", since I'd just want to sit down and have a coffee and think about it. But apparently people don't like that answer. They want a big-ticket item. So let me think. I'd call the bank and pay off my mortgage. That is what I'd do. Then I'd call some landscape type people and have them dig out my backyard so that they could put in like 2 feet of topsoil, instead of the 6" of topsoil on top of landfill like now. Then I'd think about the rest. Fix my mom's car. Buy her a house. I'd go back to school and get a master's degree. And reprint my first comic book. How's that. Is everyone happy now??
Don'tcha just love those either/or questions. Would you rather die of thirst in a desert or drowning in a sea. Knowing myself I would go for the exciting but volatile, and try to make it secure, and that wouldn't work, so then I would lament lament lament. And THEN I would go for the securing but boring since I had made the wrong decision the previous time, and then I would try to make it exciting which wouldn't work, so then I would leave it and lament lament lament. Actually I lament the second sort less. I just feel fed up that the person was so resistant to having secure AND exciting. And then I would be single like I am now. Which is neither secure nor volatile, exciting nor boring. It just is whatever I make it to be.
- 1) Would you rather be in a relationship that is secure but boring, or one that is exciting but volatile?
From Evil: 2 – As a child what was your dream job? That's funny. My dream jobs were to be a Mommy and to be a nurse. Not surprisingly my mother was a good mommy and also a nurse. But in my head I was a leader of a gang of children who roamed about the countryside, with no adults around. I was in charge of it all, I was. And again, not surprisingly, I am the eldest child of the family. 3 – If you could change anything about your life what would it be? Hmm. That is curious. What WOULD it be. That there were more people in it on a regular daily basis. Friends and neighbors dropping by. People around. Saying hi, and bye in passing. A roomate or some kids, a lover or some friends. Yes, more people that I don't have to make plans two weeks in advance in order to see for two hours, and rent a car and travel and all that.
I would smile and say "how lovely!, I wish I could hear it! What SORT of lovely accent and from WHERE? (hehe, she is asking this cuz I was nixing people with lovely accents who want to seduce me away from my life with promises of love and adventure. GRRRR)
- 1 - How would you react if I told you that I have a lovely accent?
From Windwillow: 2) What is your one major weakness? Hmm, character weakness? Fault? Perhaps falling for people I cannot be with. And other than that, my tendency to go on and on verbally, and with little patience and calm. Sigh. 3) What keeps your world turning? That is easy. sleep. If I don't have sleep my world stops turning pretty fast cuz I fall asleep while doing things or while trying to do them. My body demands sleep. When I sleep enough the world turns. Other than that, good dark chocolate. And the ability to turn out all that is wrong with the world. Whenever I lose that ability, I get overwhelmed and become paralyzed.
Hmm. I am very happy where I am now. The part of me that doesn't worry about moving shit around, what to do with animals, international travel visas etc etc would like to go to the north somewhere like the Yukon, or Iceland. Or also Sweden to become trilingual in Swedish, and I could bop over to Denmark, and Germany and Amsterdam. But for right now, where I live in Montreal is the greatest.
- 1) If you could move anywhere where would that be?
From b0b0 (damn, I never know if those are capital "o"s or if they are zeros. glll.2)do you like to see the thong out or not? On very few people who are sexy it can work to see it out. If not, in general it looks cheap and icky. Sort of the female version of plumber's butt.3)what keeps you going, allows you to get up and do this shit called life everyday? Hehe, everyone seems to think this is a mystery. Are you looking for why YOU should get up everyday, ie hints and suggestions? Well, sleep keeps me going. Good air. Plants and animals. Water to drink. Food to eat. My body working. Hope that things won't be totally shitty today and the next day. Once again, the ability to shut out all that is shitty... ie NOT thinking of the impossibility of peace in the world, of the ruin of the environment, people dying of AIDS and how that is spreading, the messes of religion and politics in general, the overpopulation, the stress and greediness and lack of love, the direction human beings are going in as a whole, the pointlessness of my fight against the fuckin scale insects on my plants and my dog's arthritis. Yup, it is the ability to put those things to the back of my mind and focus on the little triumphs like finishing a drawing for a client on time, or learning a flamenco step, or brushing my dog so she looks pretty, or washing the laundry. That is what keeps me going. It doesn't always work.
How about regular popcorn with salt on it. And maybe real butter. I do like flavored popcorn sometimes but prefer just unflavored. Poppycock is damn good though, but I call that candy, not popcorn.
- 1)carmel or cheese popcorn?
Word Association from Testy: joy, love, peace 2. always security, reliable3. No-snarf Some funky website with T-shirts with cool slogans. What the HELL is No-snarf??
***I am online RIGHT NOW writing this, so come back ya hear?? I don't want to lose this, ok!! byebye!
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previous meanderings - future past
Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009