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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
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Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
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Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Wednesday, Nov. 19, 2003 - 8:15 p.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Cash flow drought and Accolades

Well, look at this lovely poster that I received today from Sue Marden. Hmmm, yes, let me tell you, accolades are not cash flow. That is a poster advertising that yes, they are giving out a book I illustrated to EVERY grade one student in Canada for Book Week Nov 1-8, 2003. mmm. I was invited there to be applauded but we know that on Nov 1 my life was a hellmess of rush deadlines. And one would think that with applause and productivity might come financial ease.

Well, let me dissuade you of that right now. Remember that last week my US clients sent me something like this: "...we are running at about net 60 now. From now until late December, it's a juggling act. Everything should be all caught up by the end of the year....Thanks for your understanding."

Well, today I got this lovely email from the Bear people:

"We apologize for the delay in getting back to you regarding your advance cheque for $500 for the submission of your final illustrations for Bear......blahblahblah... grant requirements... blahblahblah... money from sales sources... blah blah blah.. We therefore must resume by saying that in order to avoid a cut in our future funding which would cast a severe blow to our financial planning and future projects, we are obliged to let you know that this is most assuredly only a temporary delay and that our priority will be to pay out 2004 advances once we have finished paying past royalties. We wanted to be honest with you and explain our reasoning behind this very difficult circumstance."

Hmm.. well, they get a gold star for at least letting me know, and in less than two weeks, vs the US people who waited until I called them after two months. Sigh and deep sigh. Already 500 dollars on the color work I did is like getting bus money for a fulltime job, and now this. I really do not know what I would do without a credit margin. I would have been borrowing money from friends, writing letters similar to this to every creditor from Hydro Quebec to TheIspot, and be living at a financial level similar to when I was a university student living on $1400 a semester. Unfuckingbelievable.

Of course somehow they think if you eventually get the money for the work, it all works out. Not. It is not the same thing to work for 6 months with no pay, and then be paid after another six months as it is to be paid every week for your 6 months of work while you are doing it. In the first case you are stressed, constantly broke, feel resentful and nonmotivated. You live in debt despite the fact you are working equally as hard as the second case. In the second case instead of living in debt, you can budget, and maybe even save some money. So if in both cases after a year, you end up paying your bills plus having $300 left over, it is two completely different things. When I get paid I get to see the red numbers even out to a zero bank account. Whereas if I actually got paid I would have money in my pocket, be able to look forward to future purchases and watch my savings slowly add up, instead of "interest paid" to the bank. Depressing.

And unfortunately now I have three projected contracts (hopefully they will be signed by Monday...) which together add up to $3000 Cdn (which of course may only be paid in February)... that is $1500 a month. Theispot alone costs me $250 US in fees for promotion in the next two months. If I'm very lucky, the royalty payment on the book on the poster will come in in time to pay my 2003 income tax (meaning it will come straight into my mailbox, straight to the govt, do not pass the bank account)... since of course now as I'm not being paid, I am not putting money aside for income tax either... NO, self-employed people don't go on vacations with their tax refunds.

Anyone want to be a glamorous self-employed talented published artist who gets told all the time how beautiful her drawings are?? Hmmm, maybe I should go to plumbing school. glll.

I guess I'll go and draw now, eh.

later...

Here is my horoscope for Wednesday, November 19: Independent contractors show a conservative streak. Be satisfied when your basic comforts have been met. Shop around for your next project, but don't let too much time pass before you find it.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009

 

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