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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
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Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Tuesday, Apr. 27, 2004 - 10:37 p.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

People who Try to Make me Agree to Wrong Things PICK MY ASS

Have I ever mentioned exactly how much it picks my ass when people who are wrong argue with me, giving really stupid rationalizations, to tell me *I* am wrong when I know I'm not wrong.

When they say "no, this way" and then get angry and upset when I don't believe them? Tell me I am obstinate and difficult and not listening to them when they are wrong?

What should I do? Smile and nod? Agree with them so they think they are right after all, and later when someone else tells them "hey, that is wrong" they can go "no, even Wench77 agrees with me"??

If you add some numbers together and check it three times, and have the right answer, should you then agree to write the wrong answer on a form because someone else added those numbers together and got a different answer? What if it is a group project? Should you go "oh, as long as we all agree" and "it's better to get along than insist I am right", and agree to writing down an answer you are pretty much absolutely sure is wrong?

If you know how to spell a word, say "fame" and you know that you spell the adjective coming from it "famous", should you listen to them while they say "look, don't you agree that you spell "fame" with an "e" on the end, so OBVIOUSLY you write "fameous"??

What about when they get really angry when you agree with them that it is based on the word "fame" which has an "e" and then WON'T give them that it logically follows that famous should therefore have an "e" ?

And when you can write a word correctly when you do it automatically, cuz you have always written it correctly, should you actually listen to five people discussing why famous should have an "e" and telling you how it is written by them (five different ways each differing somehow from the spelling you have always done correctly)? Is it not just confusing to you, and at the end of twenty minutes discussing, perhaps you are mixed up and are not even sure anymore yourself which spelling looks right?

In that case, shouldn't you be allowed to go "no, I don't want to listen to your arguments"??

Well, of course that makes people angry. But once I have agreed "fame" has an "e" but "famous" does not, I don't need to hear them argue about fame having an "e" any more it seems.

Welcome to the world of my flamenco class when we are told to go off and practice as a group without the teacher. I listened in the class three weeks ago. I learned the step, I practiced during the week, the same way.

Then two weeks ago we are sent to practice alone. Five different ideas on the end of the step. I listen to see whether I might be wrong, conclude that no, I have it ok, and then am castigated for not doing it "like everyone else". I refuse to practice incorrectly with them, knowing I will assimilate the new wrong changes into what my brain knows, and I will have to UNLEARN it again if it is wrong as I suspect. Bad me. I am obstinate and won't admit *I* am wrong. I am argumentative if I say what I think which doesn't agree with them.

I decide to bow out and leave it til we are with the teacher. At least then if I am right I am right, and haven't fucked around my memorisation. And if I am wrong, I will get it in one shot from the teacher, learning the correct way (remember that we had FIVE versions of the correct way... they just arbitrarily agreed to all pick one way "so we'll be the same since that is what really counts").

In the class the teacher doesn't remember and does it different ways three times. Finally she says, "THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY" and it is the way I was doing all along. I feel vindicated and the class is over.

I practice another week the same way.

This week, exact same story. I am obstinate, I am difficult, I am the one who won't listen to their argument that if we repeat the step 9 times the same way, that the tenth which leads into a new step MUST be the same as the first 9 (no, it has one stomp less). I am the one who won't agree to just pick a (wrong) way and do it all together. Now if I knew it wouldn't fuck up my memorising the dance, I'd just go along. But if I change it everytime we practice together then I am just lost later. I have 6 people annoyed at me, telling me I am a pain, angry, glaring, saying my name with disgust "comeon wench"...

The teacher has us do it. I am the one who is right. Of course they dislike me more.

Yay. Flashbacks to highschool when a teacher told me I got a right geometry answer by accident. I tried to explain. He tells me to come to the front of the class. Thirty people watch while I explain the math. The teacher says it doesn't make sense, I am being obstinate, that I am refusing to admit I am wrong. I persist.

The bell rings. Thirty students walk by saying my name with disgust "gee wench, give it up already" "hey, thinks she's smarter than the teacher when she's wrong" "insists on looking stupid in front of everyone" "arguing for nothing" "always has to be right" "should just shut up".

Two seconds after everyone leaves the light goes on in the teacher's head. He says wow! You are totally right! You just did it using a different equation, approaching from a different angle. I didn't see it right off since it was different from the way I did it. He grinned and told me I was smart.

And no one knew. I had a reputation for the rest of the year as someone who "had to be right even when they are obviously wrong".

No. I want to know what is right. If I am wrong, I want to know, and I want to be informed and corrected. If there is a new way of looking at something than what I am seeing, I would like to hear it. But if I have listened and it is not a new way but just simply wrong, or if I am right, I don't see why I should agree with something false.

That is how things like "the world is flat" stay so long. Many other things. Everyone who has doubts agrees to agree, even if they have no clue. And obviously it is the expected thing to do even if you think you are right. If not, they wouldn't be angry at me when I stick to my guns. If you have a clue, and don't go along, you are socially shut out. Especially if it is a point of view or a fact that disagrees with what they want to think, or that makes them uncomfortable.

I don't know what to do. I can be a "yes" person who nods, and does it their way, getting the dance steps all mixed up so I go from certain to confused. I can fill in the wrong answer on the form so that I am not argumentative. And have all kinds of things based on an answer I KNEW was wrong but didn't want to cause waves by saying "oh, I refuse to put the wrong answer".

I am a pain in the ass, I am. I will agree to something wrong if I think it is right (we can all be mistaken or illinformed). But I will not agree to something wrong if I KNOW already that it is wrong.

People who try to make me do that pick my ass, they really do. And when they hate me for not agreeing with them, and then hate me more when it turns out THEY are wrong NOT me, then they pick my ass doubly more.

Grrrr.

Thankyou for letting me get that off my chest.

I had all the steps right. I make mistakes sometimes like making a typo when I type "famous" too fast, which is not the same as not knowing what is right.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009

 

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