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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Saturday, Dec. 27, 2003 - 5:06 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Pirates suck the big time on dvd

I was wrong. I am not over it and I cannot watch the Pirates of the Carribean. I don't care if it is Johnny Depp... I don't want to watch any pirates. And I certainly do not want to watch some girl hankering after pirates. And I don't want to hear phrases like "The Black Pearl".

Goddamn fucking ob and her goddamn fucking mixedup goddamn head and heart.

May someone screw her around as she has done me. I shouldnt even write that. Yeah, that is cursing people. And the ironic thing is I think that in screwing me around she has screwed herself around more. I would not like to know myself to be capable of acting towards people who care for me and love me, whom I care for and love, in the manner that she has shown herself, and now knows herself, to be capable of.

Please please let her not convince some other poor soul that she is loving and trustworthy, for she is not.

Fuck her fuck her fuck her, and her stupid goddamn fucking neglectful lazy Ma'am and her spoiled brat greedy goddamn fucking Madame and her snarky jealous insouciant asshole roomate. Fuck the whole fucking lot of them.

Does it sound like I am angry to come out of this so maimed and hurt that I cannot enjoy a stupid pirate movie? I am. I am very angry. And very hurt. And I SO wish I was not.

That I could will myself fixed and put whole again. yes. Oh that I could just go forward and onward with no pain and no fears, no tears and no angry sadness. Oh that I could.

She wrote me to say that yes, she was religiously reading my diary, and that it was like watching a car accident and she couldn't help but gawk. Hell, she should be FORCED to watch the results of the car accident she caused. And she should have nightmares about it at night and she should have my face flash in front of her eyes every time she looks at herself in the mirror, everytime she speaks to her friends and cousin who bailed me out, everytime she gets an email from corncob and everytime she hears her Mme's voice. May she find it in herself to change and not just be sorry, but to effect reparations to those she has damaged.

Now I am going to go enjoy the second (thank god for twoforone videos after 10pm) dvd I rented. I am happy to say that $50 later (had to buy some dvd video rf modulator thing), I have hooked up my new dvd player from my dad and it WORKS! yay! Annie Lennox has a funny english accent and I never realized it (there is an interview with her on the dvd with the BARE album.

I shall report back about the movie. Now I suppose it was dead on diaryland for Christmas, and now will be dead for the weekend. Please leave comments and notes, they are appreciated. thanks.

Goodnight and big hugs to me. wenchie the sad.

ps, if you were away over the holidays you missed much drama starting Monday and continuing Christmas eve, in case you want to check the older entries.

pps. I just reread this, and wow, am I angry. sheesh!

Here is my horoscope for Friday, December 26:

Make up your mind. The minute that you waffle or bluff, everyone will know. Others are busy generating their problems, but Leo can use his or her power to solve them.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009

 

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