Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing
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Wednesday, Feb. 22, 2006 - 8:19 a.m.
WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.
Unhappy?
Hmmm. Unhappy seems to be one of the most popular adjectives for me in my Nohari. I suppose that is hardly surprising given I started this diary when I was in a horrendous breakup, and then am dealing with infertility and lack of partners etc. Though I will say that usually, especially lately, I don't write when I am happy, having fun etc.
The whole late Nov, Dec, parts of January I was pretty darn happy, spending time with artsyguy and his kids. But when one is working, then shopping for Christmas or dinner, cooking dinner, eating dinner with people over, hanging with said people, and then getting it on and sleeping together, to get up in the morning and continue it... I just didn't write. And esp since at his place I had no puter access.. if it was on, he was editing music on it. And then when I went to Vancouver to visit my mom... again, happy, but no computer access.
And I was always so behind in my work, housekeeping and correspondence that even when I DID get a moment at home in front of my puter, I was attempting to catch up on the hundreds of unread emails, put my professional website up to date etc. And it always seemed overwhelming to write an entry when I had a week or two to write about. Not to mention that since I changed my puter, my scanner software is not properly compatible, so I HATE scanning with it. Takes forever to refresh and scan. And thus, fewer photos. Yup, rather sad entries (as in content, and breadth, rather than sentiment). Leaving me to write mostly when I was sad or alone or down.
hah.
Well, mostly I am relatively happy and smiley lately, though lately a bit stressed about money since I have like NO work. OK, I had the new South Korea contract, but that was just a few drawings. yikes.
The kitchen ceiling, and the second floor water damage are finally fixed. YAY! It is a good thing to go through a fiasco like that... the water damage, dealing with the insurance company, contractors etc... cuz now it worries me less. Really, it is nothing I cannot handle. It was just long. And now it is done, and my repainted ceiling looks great. I have spent the last weekend washing everything that was on shelves and spice racks etc in my kitchen, and putting it all back on the walls. Looks great, and it is all so clean and tidy! Yesterday I cleaned out all behind my appliances, and put them all back in place. It is darn hard to level the back corner of refrigerators and upright freezers (not to mention them stacked washer/dryer units). Anyways, I managed to find an extra six inches of space in the kitchen, by shoving them closer together than before.
And then I made apple muffins and had the neighbor over for coffee with her six month old daughter. What a cutie! She was chattering away in baby language and grinning and waving her fat little arms and legs all over. She loves lying on her back and looking up at us (vs being held all the time). So I got to carry around a baby, go googagooga, and stuff her back in her winter clothes while her mom was carrying some stuff home. Who knew babies are so heavy? I was carrying her around while putting on the music, putting out the muffins, feeding the cats etc. She was fascinated by everything. But I swear moms must get STRONG arms and legs, carrying around even a six month old, let alone a two year old!
Anyways, it was a good day. I have decided, now the kitchen is more presentable (vs having a gaping hole in the ceiling plaster since last June), I will invite more people over. Not only does it make the house feel more "used" and lived-in, it is really a good incentive to vacuum!
I am not doing a good job NOT going over to artsyguy's... I dropped the leftover muffins there last evening and stayed chatting for over an hour. And then I slept over last night and cuddled (in tshirt). hmmm. What am I doing? I know not. We get along well on many levels, but I know that the personality incompatibilities are unlikely to change. Just not sweat it, and enjoy having someone in the neighborhood whom I like, even if it isn't my life partner material? I dunno. The alternative seems to be to let it go completely, and go back to doing everything around here alone.
OK, let's face it. I don't let go easily.
One of my new brainstorming ideas for making $$ now that I have less illustration work is to start an in-home book reading service for kids. I think I'll offer to come over to people's places with a basket of a selection of books and read for up to an hour (depending on the age of the kids). I could do it in French, or as an English immersion service. I could just read to the kids, or get older kids to read aloud to or with me. It could be a good break for parents, and a way to get their kids into books fairly young, without them having to spend time and money choosing books themselves. And Iove reading out loud... and kids are more fun than adults for reading out loud (ok, it is pretty cool to read out loud to lovers too).
But one side effect could be knowing more people in the neighborhood, esp people with kids. And that could be a cool thing. yup. Less 'cool' than going to fetish clubs, I suppose, but between my fave fetish places closing, the new fetish places being only a nite or two a month, some of my fave fetish friends having dropped out to do the mommy thing, and my new 'get up before 8:30 am' (which means 'getting sleepydropsy at 11:00pm)... I am looking for an alternative social plan.
So there ya go. I have to make up some cards, some posters etc, and put together a basket. I already have tons of kids' books. It could be a fun new thing.
yeah!
OK, I can hear that my oatmeal is cooked and beeping in the microwave. beep beep!
Have a nice day!
wenchie
copyright 2006 wench77
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previous meanderings - future past
Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009
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