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Music: The Lovin Spoonful: "You didnt have to be so nice..."

Book: Life of Pi: Pi overcomes his vegetarian mores to kill fish for survival and learns humans can become accus

Weird news for the day:"Bridezilla gets $90 fine for bad behaviour"

Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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2003-08-29 - 4:55 p.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Bent Bicycle Brakes

Another rainy rainy day.

Getting tired of rainy days... it really seems to pour whenever I plan to walk the dog, or set off across town on my bike etc. So I cut down my gallavanting to a minimum. Today I almost didnt pick up my repaired bike (my new tire I just got was eaten to bits by my non-aligned brake pad... the bike guy had to totally bend the metal of the brake to get it to hit the rim instead of eat a new tire! grrrr!), it was pouring so hard. But I thought.. heck, then I won't have it AGAIN when I want it.

I had been hoping to get a car today to check out this flea market up north that I am assured by friends will have second hand Mary statues. But I am sure flea markets are not up in gale-force winds with slogging rain. Tomorrow. Cross fingers.

Sad and crying again today. So funny that I judged from my first week, that this was a better breakup, with less loss of self-esteem and thus less crying. Ah... the shoulders are still back, the head is high, but the crying has come upon me in waves. Must look up again the stages of grief.

I shall write about Jezz, the guy with brain cancer at the coffeeshop. Funny, but I always notice the books on his table, before I notice it is him. Yesterday he was reading "The Battle for God: a history of fundamentalism" by Karen Armstrong... which is what caught my eye. He is also reading "The Skrayling Tree: the albino in America" ,by Michael Moorcock, whom he says is his favorite writer. I wrote down the titles and sat down to talk. I like him alot since he is just no-nonsense with caring eyes. I really like people who don't talk around things and are as blunt about life as I am. Brain cancer probably helps in that aspect. Seems he has other tumors elsewhere as well. I like his company and he said he'd like to see my place. Perhaps I will invite him over tomorrow.

"fighting for social justice is like taking a bath... you have to do it everyday or you will start to stink" Maude Barlow

This is what is on his answering machine when I call. Maybe he'll come over and we will talk about relationships again. He has been seeing the same girl for 5 years on and off. Funny man said things are maybe at the start with ob instead of at the end. Who knows.

Tomorrow I will buy two baskets of Ontario peaches, and freeze them with sugar.

Last year I missed the peaches. mmm. I am glad I am not a farmer. This year once again it seems not to be so good for tomatoes. I have huge tomatoes but they are not ripening... I think there has been too much rain and not enough sun. Drat.

Today I had a brilliant idea. I will move my watercolor drawing table into my sketching table half of my studio, and move some of my reference books in to the watercolor half. This would free up a large space that I could set up for children to use for classes. I still have ambitions to make a "chez muesli" art school. The idea of moving around furniture to create something new will help my mood.

Other idea today... making the painting I planned to make for a prezzie for ob, but make it as a meditative thing for myself and put it over the sofa on my livingroom wall where there is an empty space. I will scan it in when it is done.

Well, I will write again later tonight, when i get back from bondage practice at Unholy Army.

tahtah. ... well, that is a picture of "Bridezilla"! Wish the netscape URL for her story wasnt so long... look her up. I guess we all fuck up sometimes. And look at eh publicity!!

4:09 am here I am home from my bondage fun night and l'Aigle Noir. I had a really good time at the bondage night, and when I got home there was a lovely set of photos from one of the girls documenting our fun. Smiling faces, laughter, lots of pretty ropes and munchies. What a nice time.

Afterwards I went to l'Aigle Noir, and there was no one at the door so I walked right in, through all the guys, to the back bar. There were candidates for Mr. Leather Montreal (or maybe Quebec) posing on stage. Pretty leather boys. Turns out the contest it at 7pm on Sat. I may just go... it would be educational and maybe fun! M.Ubahn has bleached his hair and looks like Billy Idol! (or me! lol! Two or three people said we looked like sisters... whatEVER!!)... had a nice time. Talked with Sir P, who told me I need to control my energy, and I should call him if I want lessons etc. I may just take him up on it. Grrr, mean tuff me!! One thing is that I dont scare so easily. or am just a stupid fool! or both!!

My choir director showed up and it was ok... we ended up talking. He would like me back in the choir, but I dont want to deal with such a wishywashy straight group of people. He told me some people agreed with me (but of course they arent the ones who wrote). Anyways, he ended up buying me a beer and we goofed around, which was fun. He has such a cute giggle that is so funny with his leather gear!! I swear, if I wanted to be an alcoholic and was broke I could just hang out at this fag bar... last time 4 free drinks.. this time 3. and couldve been four... Mr. Ubahn, my choir director, and even the owner of the bar bought me a drink!! That was comforting, since I got paid a round instead of thrown out by the owner! I guess I can breathe more easily! I will go back next week.

Well, now that i've walked doggies, I will take off my leather pants and hit the sack... zzzzz. All that lime in the coronas knocks me out!

Gnight sweet wenchie! Love, yourself.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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