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music:Patty Griffin again: Living with Ghosts

Book:Jitterbug Perfume: Kudra dematerializes...

Quote:" organism steeped in pleasure is an organism disposed to continue...

Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Wednesday, Oct. 01, 2003 - 1:54 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

What the Bible Says/ Organic Chocolate

WHoa!!! Hey, i just thought i'd look up what other artistic people had brothers commit suicide... so I plugged somesuch into google, and the first thing that pops up is "My brother committed suicide. What does the Bible say about it?... my gosh... here is a little of that:

The world looks upon suicide in a very twisted manner. People tend to catergorize sin, but God does not! In James 2:10, the Apostle said if you keep all of God's Law and break one little point you are guilty of breaking all of it. If you just have a thought in your mind with hatred toward your brother you are guilty of murder, Matthew 5:21-24.

Hating yourself, therefore, is murder, and you are breaking the Commandment, Thou shalt not kill, Exodus 20:13. Suicide is murder of oneself. It is a sin, but any sin is penalized by death (Romans 6:23). Paul said in Romans 3:23, all have sinned so we all have the death penalty upon us.

Whoptalay! We are pretty much all guilty of murder! Hating yourself is murder! Talk about conflation... no wonder I dont go on biblestudy websites with my questions about life! eeeekola!!!

I just wanted to share that this is the world's best chocolate... of course you have to like dark chocolate. But this is the creamiest and not bitter, melts on your tongue rounded and full, AND it is organic and fair trade. What more can we ask for? So good you hae to eat it SLOWLY!!! It's made by La Siembra mmm. It is especially good when you are down, or working really hard, as an alternative to lost love, alcohol, cigarettes, greasy chips... our drug of choice these days...

Tonight i wish my days started earlier... I will attempt to be in bed by 4:30 instead of past 6am.. how is that for a goal?? I will even try to do yoga before bed.. my body is crinkled. Thankgod it is the lesbian and gay filmfest... everyday i must ride my bike down to a film, so i get at least a 40 mins riding my bike in. Today I saw two Spanish films... the best one (Argentinian) was a road movie sort of film, black and white, with two sort of sociopathic little skinny girls with short dark hair, who kidnap, yes kidnap, a plump lingerie store shopkeeper girl with long hair... the one tells her she has fallen in love with her on sight, and wants to lick her pussy. Understandably shopkeeper girl is a bit skeptical. She says "i am not a lesbian", and pussylicker girl says "me neither". It is a very funny movie and sad too, with puking and stories of poo, death and knives and a stolen taxi and more. It is called "Tan de Repente" which means "suddenly". I recommend it. Here is another review site with pictures.

Today less crying. I am walking the dog imagining ob walking herself, alone at night. I hope that her roomates and friends are taking care of her. I hope that things worked out with her MMe. and corncob and that she is making friends and has people to love her. I hope she is finding a new best friend to have adventures with and that she went to Folsom this weekend. I hope that she is having fun and happiness and not being depressed and drinking. Or at least drinking with someone happy in moderation and not as a drug. I guess it is none of my business. But i worry. Must not worry. Must imagine her and me in our separate lives being artistic and productive and out in the world with friends and laughter and good food and discovering different cultures and music, having adventures and being crazy. Tho i dont know i'm ready yet. I must try.

Deep sigh, from the woman who has to vacuum, do the dishes, cut the lawn, deal with the jungle of weeds in the backyard, work on her contracts, deal with the garden, ready the house and my life for my Dad's visit in a week...

aagh, less than a week. I have no idea how i'm gonna deal with that, since i am not so out there these days... sitting at the computer. Listening to music. Reading. When he arrives I have to deal with all the materials etc for the back balconies, which he is coming to replace. And if we want to go out for dinner etc. Do i need to make plans with friends? So funny we will go to Peaches on Tues nite. Will i take him to the Fetish Funhouse on Sat night? heehee! Well,it is his pervy books i used to read when i was 12, so it would be very funny to take him there now. hah. I'm 40 and he is 61... not exactly spring chickens!!

well i am rambling instead of working... everyday think to get more work done than i do. such is life.

Tahtah to me, goodnight dear wenchie. YOu know sometimes it would be nice to cuddle with a warm body not mine.xx

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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