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Music today: my Roger Miller cd

Reading today: more Journal de Montreal

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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Sunday, Oct. 12, 2003 - 4:49 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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Pressure Rising in a Closed System

Hey there. Another late night and I am bushed... totally whacked. Was up at 11am pulling morning glories off the community garden chainlink fence, which is sort of like jungle training for iron fingers, then sleep another hour, ride my bike like a crazy idiot in the sun thru long-weekend Saturday afternoon downtown traffic to pick up my now repaired camera before 3pm. Yes, some people CLOSE for the weekend, starting Sat at 3pm! What an incredible concept!

Stopped off to eat sans papa for the first time this week (oh blessed alone headspace) for 20 mins before racing off AGAIN in the sun through gay village long-weekend Saturday afternoon traffic to pick up a community carshare car. (hmmm, a theme develops... the individual scrambling to be a good community citizen... it seemed so nice as a concept).

Then drive thru crazy long-weekend Saturday afternoon mountainside traffic to take Dad and the two dogs (babysitting for longweekend) to WALK UPHILL on the mountain... as if i needed MORE exercise in my first 5 hours of being up. Nice time on the mountain. Bucolic crowds (is that possible?... yes... dotting the hillside green with little blotches of weekend red and blue clothing) and leaves changing color. Smog or somesuch catching the golden rays of the sun going down.

The rush AGAIN (thank god while sitting down) through traffic (i'll spare the descriptive adjectives) to return the car. Ate TOO MUCH highly excellent food at Bato Thai, and a cheesecake at Kilo... and then WALKED home with my bike from the Gay Village. Then WALKED the dogs in the park (somehow they guilted me into a lateevening walk even though they'd done the tourists walking on the mountain thing with us two hours previous... ohhh, that fixed woeful stare)

And now I am just bushed. A "good tired" they would say. But every key i type reminds me of those morning glory vines.

Here is that pic of Dad in drag for Halloween. Thankfully he has lost over 35 pounds on the strange but obviously effective Atkins Diet, so he looks a way bit different now (besides wearing less makeup). Had a couple runins with Dad again today (god I HATE HATE HATE when people tell me I can choose not to be bothered by things!!... I then want to choose to be angry enough to put a boot through their fuckin noses and then tell them they can CHOOSE to not be bothered by it as well) ... which is one reason why I ate alone... a VERY good idea.

But had some good talks too. All in all, quite productive, cuz i feel we do actually end up addressing issues. I am lending him the book "What You Feel, You Can Heal" by John Gray... (author of annoying "men are from mars" book... but the feel/heal book is actually much better... less sexist)... it has that concept that when one person is angry, and the other person tries to suppress their feelings... "don't worry, don't be angry" etc, that the other person just goes up, and up. It totally makes sense and fits to my personal experience. simple and easy to understand, and in that book there is a multitude of rather stupid but effective cartoon illustrations.

Here's a review I totally agree with from Amazon:

Before John Gray became an idiot, July 26, 1999

Reviewer: A reader from Palo Alto, Ca. This book shows real insight into human emotion and interpersonal dynamics, presented in a very gentle, simple way. Why he gave up and became the gender stereotyper from hell, I don't know. I guess because it sold better. Too bad, because this is the better approach. He discusses the dynamics of emotional connection without resorting to "men do this, women do that" by showing that when one partner, regardless of gender, behaves a certain way, the other will respond accordingly.

So, end result... good visit with Dad. New balconies, the kitchensink counter in 3rd floor apartment raised so the poor guy can actually use it without developing scoliosis, and quite a bit of quality time spent with my progenitor. A good thing. Velly intellestinct.

Quote for today:

Should you fail to pilot your own ship, don't be surprised at what inappropriate port you find yourself docked. The dull and prosaic will be granted adventures that will dice up their nervous systems like an onion, romantic dreamers will end up in the rope yard.... The price of self-destiny is never cheap, and in certain situations it is unthinkable. But to achieve the marvelous, it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought.

Page 85: Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins.

Well, must be up in 4 1/2 hours to drive dear Dad to the airport zzz and must make and consume an emotionally rewarding grilled cheese sandwich in bed before I get the zzzs.

Gniteandall that.


ps, I am struck by the obvious difference between my reaction to my Dad being here for a week, and how ob and I got on when I visited for a week. He is totally starting to get on my nerves despite nice times, and that just didnt happen with us. hmmm. I shall have to savour the past and hope for the future.


Here is your horoscope for Saturday, October 11:

By evening, the honeymoon is over. Try to be flexible even when the other person isn't giving an inch. Although you have to work much harder now, remember that this is still a learning experience.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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