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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

101 Things About Me

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Sunday, Dec. 21, 2003 - 12:47 a.m.

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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

101 Things about Me

**To read my other entry of Saturday Dec 20, go here***

These are in absolutely NO ORDER whatsoever. Whatever came to mind. yup.

1. I like winter. yup. I appreciate summer cuz we have winter. I love winter in fact.

2. I wish I had thicker hair. That I could grow long. That maybe I could style. yup.

3. I always wanted to be the mom of a child or several. It hasn't happened yet.

4. This is in my profile but anyways, I am 40. This means I could have grandchildren by now.

5. I can speak English, French, a smidgen of Swedish, German and sign language. I wish I knew more languages.

6. I love cheese. Especially melted cheese. Like on pizza, spaghetti, grilled cheese sandwiches, cheese fondue. But I like unmelted cheese too.

7. I love dairy products in general. I LOVE butter. And milk.

8. I don't think margarine is a good substitue for butter. It is made in hell I am sure.

9. I actually prefer cookies made with margarine than with butter. Go figure

10. I hate peanut butter cookies.

11. I like peanut butter. I will eat it with a spoon. I like peanut butter and dill pickle (Polski ogorki) sandwiches. mmm

12. I love pickled herring.

13. I am single. I have almost always been single. I don't want to be single. but I need to be right now.

14. I have one dog. A St-Bernard. She will be 8 years old soon.

15. I tried to get pregnant for 6 years, and stopped trying about 18 months ago.

16. My paternal grandparents were immigrants from Sweden.

17. My maternal greatgrandparents were German Lutheran immigrants from Russia.

18. I wear longjohns in the winter.

19. I dislike wearing pyjamas to bed. Though if it is cold, sometimes I leave on my long underwear, socks and sweatshirt til I warm up.

20. I like flannellette sheets in the winter and smooth high threadcount cotton sheet in the summer.

21. I hated the taste of alcohol for almost as long as I can remember. So I don't drink much.

22. For alcohol, I like the taste of Peach Schnapps, Corona with lime, Butterscotch Schnapps, Boomerang (hard lemonade), and sometimes red wine (not too dry) and Campari (nasty but I like it on ice with regular water).

23. I can't stand being hungover. That is another reason I don't drink much.

24. I am goofy. That is a reason I don't need to drink.

25. I like dancing and dance pretty well. That is yet another reason I don't need to drink.

26. I hate the smell of cigarettes. I don't smoke because of it.

27. I like the smell of pot. I tried it before cigarettes.

28. I don't like feeling out of it. That is a reason why I don't smoke pot much.

29. I like smoking the hookah. I find it relaxing. It gives me a slight buzz but I don't feel out of it, and I like how it smells.

30. Depression runs in my family.

31. I was hugely depressed (like the Bell Jar) in highschool.

32. That is one reason why I don't do drugs... the feeling of being out of it scares me. I started feeling out of it in high school after a party there was a lot of pot at.

33. I was depressed and contemplating suicide after university.

34. A complete stranger reminded me I have a mother who would hate that. That is why I didn't do it.

35. I have only one blood brother.

36. He did commit suicide at age 24.

37. I was the oldest of a miscellany of children including my blood brother, an adopted sister, an adopted brother, a step brother, a step sister, and a half sister.

38. I don't see any of them now. Though I talk to my adopted brother twice or three times a year.

39. I live alone.

40. I have two cats. One actually belongs to the dog. The other belonged to an ex. An ex-what is debatable since he was never a boyfriend.

41. I have never had a relationship longer than 2 1/2 years.

42. I have many friendships older than 10 years and quite a few passing 20 years now.

43. I spend a lot of energy maintaining old friendships.

44. I hate being rejected.

45. I hate being misunderstood.

46. I feel misunderstood alot. It leads me to conclude that I am socially inept alot. Though other people disagree with me on that point.

47. I like real Christmas trees. I don't see why it is any worse than buying woodchips for your hamster, or wood to pour concrete, or broccoli in fact.

48. I don't like most snack foods that are processed. I will eat them, but not desire them enough to buy them. This includes most chips, candies, cookies, cakes, pies etc.

49. I like tostitos corn chips and guacamole or salsa, or guacamole, salsa, sour cream AND melted cheese.. yes that is nachos! mmmmm

50. I like lots of different foods and like trying foods from different cultures.

51. I like to cook and bake.

52. I like to sew. I sew well.

53. I like doing things with my hands, including massaging, making bread, sculpting clay, fucking girls, polishing wood, picking my nose.

54. I smell things alot. Like before I pour something out of a bottle, or my fingers. My mom doesnt like this.

55. I talk alot. Many people would say too much.

56. I like when other people talk too. But I like being quiet with someone as well.

57. I know how to crochet and knit, but they are too slow and I get bored.

58. I read a lot.

59. I am addicted to books and magazines. I accumulate more than I have time to read.

60. I draw well since childhood. Now I do it for a living.

61. I don't have any tattoos. I have lots of birthmarks though.

62. I have three cuttings on my back. One is the cross of Mary, one is Ohm, and one is a sun.

The first was done with a smile on my face. The second hurt, and the third was done in insecurity and fear.

63. I used to be best friends with my Mom and I'm not anymore. She told me I'm abusive. That hurts me enormously.

64. I used to hate my father. Now I get along with him fairly well. I am alot like him.

65. I love to travel. I went to Sweden when I was 11, a European backpack tour when I was 17, moved from the prairies to Quebec when I was 19, travelled to the states nearly every summer since 1985, went to NYC in 1985 and 88, went out with women in Wisconsin, Detroit, San Fran and London UK. I have also visited Ireland and driven from Detroit to San Fran. I would like to travel more.

66. I loved my Grandmother. Her birthday was the day before mine. She raised 8 kids through the depression.

67. I squish my zits and pick at bumps on my body.

68. I like boys and girls.

69. I spend too much money on long distance phone calls.

70. I am more likely to spend money on people I love than on myself for big ticket items.

71. I am wordy and explain too much.

72. I get stressed out too easily. I am not so nice when I am stressed out.

73. I am very calm and supportive with other people's problems in comparison to my own.

74. I tend to have a cluttered livingspace but to be very organized. Does that make sense??

75. I get angry alot and have to listen to stupid phrases like "pick your battles", "don't sweat the little things", " it's not worth wasting your energy on" alot.

76. I dislike sports with rules and round sports related objects. I am bad at these sports. That is probably why I dislike them.

77. I am rather a perfectionist and am disappointed in myself if I do less than super super well. I expect myself to be in the upper 10% of doing anything.

78. I get frustrated when I am not good at something or make a mistake.

79. I think I am smart but I am not so sure it manifests itself in any meaningful way in real life.

80. I very much dislike racism and sexism.

81. I think patriotism is evil, yet I am patriotic.

82. Friends have said I am a complicated person. Or maybe complex.

83. Someone once told me I have "une caractère execrable"... this means a character like excrement.. ie shitty. oh well.

84. I mostly wear boring clothes, such as 501 jeans and tshirts and sweatshirts.

85. Ironically I love dressing up and have tons of clothes.

86. I have an antipathy towards naturally feminine dainty graceful women.. I think because I don't feel I can ever meet these ideals in any way. I consider myself to be a failure on the feminitity scale.

87. I like being a female. But sometimes I forget that I am.

88. I like pushing limits.

89. I am not a physical daredevil, and have never broken a bone in my body.

90. I like to eat dark swiss chocolate while I work, and drink hot drinks.

91. I insist on sleeping enough.

92. I am demanding of myself and others.

93. I think I am too lazy and undisciplined.

94. I admire diplomacy, discipline, calmness, honesty, loyalty, humour and a good work ethic in others.

95. I like muscles.

96. I like the taste of blood.

97. I want a best friend.

98. I like listening to talk radio esp where people with brains argue and discuss ideas.

99. I like little bits of lots of types of music. Most music I know has been introduced to me by someone I know.

100. I like dolls and human figure like things, such as mannikens and puppets.

101. I love nature.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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