Thursday, Mar. 10, 2005 - 5:49 a.m.
Cost of the War in Iraq
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A Few Fears and The Last Class
Third entry tonight. I should be in the bath. Or in bed.
I should be putting together my watercolors for my watercolor class. I'm not going to go. I am a failure I am. A watercolor class failure.
I could be exhausted and miss all the work I need to do, and go. And take the unfinished, untweeked watercolors I did in the classes, where I was one of the most assiduously painting students, putting brush to paper in a concentrated and frenzied manner, insistent on finishing or at least covering the paper in class time since I was pretty sure I wouldn't find time to get back to the work before the critique a week later.
I could show up at like 2 or 3pm, having gotten nearly enough sleep... just to show up for the last class, thank the teacher for the great classes she gave before Christmas when I did manage to get to every one of them. Show the unfinished drawings I have managed to accumulate.
Haha. I am supposed to be showing the finished accumulated work of more than twice as many classes as I managed to attend, as well as additional work done at home. With an eye to picking the images to hang in the class year-end show. hahaha.
That is what makes me want to not go. Showing how I haven't done the work. Not measuring up.
So there is the lost sleep, the travel time which is lost work time, the humiliation, the disappointed look of the teacher, the coming home to a day pretty much over....
And I didn't get my comics page done today so that means two tomorrow (ok for the rest of you, I didn't get my page done on Wed, so that means two on Thurs... today for you, tomorrow for me since bedtime has not yet arrived, though the sky is getting lighter).
OK some fears:
Well, those are pretty vague. But that is what is haunting me right now.
It is sort of hard.
Please read my other two entries tonight: Garden Resurrected and My Goth Name and other things.
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previous meanderings - future past
Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
*inspired by Chaosdaily