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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Wednesday, Jun. 02, 2004 - 5:43 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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Aspirations Set My Sights Higher

Second entry tonight (this morning since it is quarter to 6)... first here.

Well, I have been a bogglingly good girl and worked and worked. I can hopefully start the colors on the Far North book on Thursday... it takes me a while to trace them all, cut the paper, and transfer them to the watercolor paper. And touching up any iffy bits... everything needs to be totally decided and carefully drawn before it goes to color.

I was thinking that I probably wouldn't react so badly to more work piled on that I didn't know about if I didn't always have this list of things I wish I had time to do that is piled in the back of my head. They are sort of nebulous things, unlike my very specific to-do list... although there ARE a couple that are on that list.

  • Start teaching kids art out of my home
  • Look into doing more schooling... ie a Master's or a teaching degree or journalism school
  • Actually make some new good friends... or spend enough time with sort of friends and acquaintances for them to become good friends. Most of my good friends date from when I had time to spend with people regularly... working with them, going to the same group for months or years, going to school with them and actually hanging out afterwards instead of rushing home etc
  • Doing a book on infertility in single women and dykes... I'd like to edit it, which means doing some writing myself, tons of research and interviews. One of those small projects.
  • Volunteering or teaching in day cares or school classes with kids

You can see that any and all of those (and we can add making a proper illustration website for my business) are things that are not easily squeezed into a half hour here and there between walking the dog, dinner and rushing like a crazy person on contracts, comics, and other obligations like "put garden in before June 1 or lose it altogether" deadlines.

Damn. I bet if I didn't have such aspirations I would be so much more relaxed about feeling on a merry hamster wheel. Silly me. Though I don't know if anyone much is content with their lot in life. I suppose there are people.

I don't know. People say I do so much. But when I look at the people I admire they do six times as much as I do. I don't know how. I really don't.


Maybe I need to eat some swiss chocolate. But then I'd lose my one virtue. My discipline in not eating chocolate. hehe, maybe that is how anorexics feel. Losing their one disciplinary high point if they give in.

Well, I am dead tired and it is light out now for nearly an hour. I'm gonna wrap it up. tah.

me, wenchie.

funny, i don't even remember anymore what it feels like to have someone to cuddle.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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