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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Sunday, May. 02, 2004 - 10:44 p.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Sketchy Baby Book and Feeling Homey

Ah, here finally are some sketches from what I was working on the past week, and esp last night... the Baby book... funnily enough there are only 2 drawings of the baby since it is all about the kids at home with the aunt waiting for the baby to be born, and having to clean up, and (so the boy thinks) rid the house of germy animals, particularly his gerbils. So here ya go.

All images Copyright 2004 Wench77

This is the happy fish who will not need to vacate. I've left it as scanned so you can see how grey the pencil is, with the smudging and notes and all. The other ones I've upped the contrast so that the greys are black and easier to see. Click on any of the small images below to open a larger drawing in a new window.

Well thereya go. There are like 16 of those, plus a color cover to do, plus 14 little images like the fish, for chapter headings. Right now I am doing changes to the sketches, including completely redrawing several images, and adding two new ones they forgot to order. In a day or two hopefully I will stop feeling this slight unease that I didn't go to any parties last night, but stayed home and drew productively. Sigh.

It is not like I stood people up really... they were social things as in a BBQ for Beltane (hmm, cannot remember if I wrote this already) that a Fetish Cafe acquaintance was having. They are always enjoyable, his brunches and BBQs, but it is not one of those "oh, my close friends!" occasions. And the other party... it was a loft party at the apartment where one of the waitresses at the café I frequent lives with several acrobats and artists, all in their early twenties I think. It was probably a wacky rockin time. But I was not feeling wacky and rockin.

I think I am sinking back into the stay-at-homedness that I felt after breaking up with my British girlfriend in 1995. I had done the long distance thing for 2 years plus, with all the running back and forth, high bills, lack of stability that that entails. I like it, but one does tend to feel rather rootless at some point, esp when living in someone else's house in another country, surrounded by their friends, family and acquaintances.

So, after breaking up, about this time of year, I got my own place and that is when I seriously started looking into getting pregnant... reading books on insemination, looking for a sperm donor, putting money aside. And sort of coccooning... making a garden, being homey. Not going out much. not looking for a lovelife or a sex life. It is enjoyable and what I always wanted really, out of life (when I didn't want to work for National Geographic travelling the globe! ... see a theme here?)... a home, a garden, cooking and puttering and doing my projects. At that point I was still cartooning, and working on my illustration career.

And now I rather feel like that again. I puttered all afternoon in my backyard (now I am all stiff and crinkly and my eyes hurt from focussing on tiny things like chips of paint from the old balcony wood) and cleaned up two whole garbage bags of leaves, twigs, garbage and weeds I dug out. I am looking forward to feeling like i LIVE in my own house. And not running out to every social event is part of that.

Being quiet in my space.

Well, back to the drawings... I've got a few more chapter headings to do before I fax it all off, then attack the Far North book again. It is interesting how once I start drawing it is easier to draw. It is starting that is hard.


Now you can laugh madly with me, at my horoscope today:

Here is my horoscope for Sunday, May 2:

No matter what you feel like doing, just mention it, and rest assured that everyone around you will be in full agreement immediately. Yes, charm is still bubbling out of your every pore. Don't even kid around with this stuff.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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