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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Friday, Feb. 13, 2004 - 3:07 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Fitting Blogging into Watercolor

Babyblog tonight! I am working hard on the last math poster so I can send it Fedex tomorrow so I am going to come over here and put a little thought every once in awhile, instead of justifying a long entry time-off my work...

Right now I am savouring the taste of cinnamon hearts stuck in my molars. Mmm, valentines mmm!! :) Today I was woken up around 11:30 am by Canada Post with a most EXCELLENT package for me! My US friend who had forgotten her hat on the greyhound, which I saved and toted all the way to Canadaland, only to give it up on payment of ransom, has PAID her RANSOM!! Yes!! It is too exciting! It is TEN cans of my favorite fantabulous guacamole ingredient... Rotel Mexican tomatoes with cilantro and lime... just add avocado and squish! She is a sweetie! Yay! I was hoping for maybe 4 or 6 at most. But with TEN cans I am set til I go to Musicfest this summer and can buy more!! mmm...

So, back to sleep and then I got the last of my minicomics from the copycenter, ate (the Cafe where I eat has many jokes about my breakfast croissant/ long espresso with steamed cream regular order... cuz I almost always have the same thing, and almost always am having breakfast after 3pm. Yesterday I came it at 3 and they remarked I was early... hehe... Today I ate breakfast from 5-6pm.... which is like someone getting up at 7am and breakfasting at 10am. :) Sometimes they have started on my order as soon as they see me come in the door! By the time I get to the counter it is half prepared!

My flamenco class was great... we worked with the fans for Carmen, and we are starting to look both chic and flirtatious. Very fun. I need to splurge for a new fan though... mine is a $3 cheapie from Chinatown, and I broke it the first week by holding it too tightly... now it is taped with masking tape. I love how I look in my flamenco class... God I wish my Mom had put me into dance classes when I was a kid. I remember feeling so chunky and graceless and too big all the time (and yes, pigeontoed!)... when I was older I used to draw gymnasts and dancers all the time. When I was 15-17 I went to summer art school in the valley and the drawing classes used to go and sketch the ballet and jazz dance kids. Sigh. And now, at 40, can you believe it, I am learning to dance.

It is really neat to see all the body types in the class. The best and most advanced student is very large... not obese but very large. Tall, big butt, hefty thighs, big belly and tits, big arms... large and feminine. And she is the most sexy and graceful of all of us, and totally has her flamenco down. The next best and advanced student is short, totally flat and bony and skinny, who wears black jeans and looks sort of like a linedancer from Calgary, with glasses and long blond hair pulled back in a ponytail. Totally not feminine, and again, a very good dancer.

Then there are us plebes... the middle dancers in the group. Everything from clunky and myopic but with huge passion and conviction to very curvy and feminine with big brown eyes, long flowing hair and utterly hopeless at dancing (but smiling alot sheepishly). There is one man (somehow the other two have dropped out). There is one very short girl who has the cutest butt... narrow hips and little round butt. I often dance behind her. hehe. And a couple who are very voluptuous.

I mostly look athletic, since I have muscular arms and narrow hips, muscular thighs and short hair. Sometimes I wish I actually had feminine hips and a softer body. But when I put on weight I put it on around my middle first, and between my thighs and my butt. So I lose my waist instead of getting hips... so I look almost LESS feminine. And my butt starts to disappear into my thighs. It really is not an attractive thing. I wonder at the women in my class who have round hips and curvaceous butts, large tits with cleavage, but STILL have narrow waists and shapely bodies. I would look like a barrel if I weighed that much. Sigh! So much for feminine curves for me!

Anyways, this could go into a rant about thin vs fat, following up on yesterday's entry, and comments... but I gotta get back to work... I was supposed to write a SHORT blurb... my tea was steeping and is probably COLD by now! Tah!

4:20 am Still painting, and awaiting another cup of tea (yeah, I had to microwave the last one)... did you know that fruitflies can fly around inside a functioning microwave oven? hehe. Good thing they don't live for years. Last year I had a spider lay her eggs in my place so I was swamped with spiders midwinter... and it was so sad, cuz they made all these webs, optimistic little things, and there were no bugs. And this year I am swamped with flies and no spiders. This shows the importance of complete ecosystems. Sigh!

I am listening to the radio... I am getting totally addicted to Radio Sweden, Radio Poland, Radio Holland etc... all this English language radio from around the world. Chechnya, Israel etc etc all over the place. Now there will be a hearings about the wall that Israel is putting up in the occupied Palestinian territories... Israel calls it a "Terrorist barrier".... how nice. But the Palestinians call it an apartheid wall... which is more like it. It is like the Berlin wall, but people can go across it, often having to travel very far to the nearest passpoint, and then take hours to queue to get through the passpoint, in order to get to work, visit family etc. It is insane. Anyone who is a terrorist, or suicide bomber could just go through and THEN blow themselves up.

Reminds me of how I cannot get into the US across the border if I have art supplies on me... since I am bringing "tools of my trade" and they assume that instead of doing fun drawings on my vacation that I am "working" there... And ironically I am allowed to sit on this side of the border and do work for New York, but I could not be in New York and do drawings for New York. One they call "Working in Canada" and the other "Illegal Working in the States"... makes no sense. Anyhowz... of course not letting me across the border with a paintbrush is insane, since they will let me across without and I can buy a paintbrush anywhere. So, their border rules are just annoying, and don't keep me from working once across, anymore than the "Terrorist Barrier" would keep people from blowing themselves up once they cross into it. Jeesh.

Anyways, there are going to be hearings with a World Court, and of course Israel does not want it to have jurisdiction on this issue, since it will set a precedent for it to have jurisdiction over other issues. And Israeli is boycotting the hearings, but many groups, including one group that cleans up after terrorist disasters (what a job, eh! picking up body parts on the road!!) are planning on showing up with the skeleton of a bombed bus. Interesting prop. But really, I don't see how apartheid walls help anything. Back to work.

5:33 am I think this baby's not gonna be finished tonight... I'm gonna have to send the first two posters tomorrow, and the last one's gonna have to be a Saturday delivery... if I can find a place that takes drop-offs on Saturday. Sigh. Moulah. I'll call and see if Tuesday will do for my client. I am honestly doing my best. It is pretty good to do one color painting 14" square (they will be 13" cropped but I've added 1/2" bleed to each side) per night. When you think of it, each of these is the spacial equivalent of 4 of the bear drawings. Sigh. And he wanted me to redraw another sketch for the same client for tomorrow as well. Well, that's what happens when it is Friday the 13th, eh!

I was HOPING to get everything wrapped up and sent off before 5pm on Friday, cuz I might have to go boot shopping. The big tall boots I use to do my slave to domme performance were given back to my ex, Black, and they have asked me to do that performance for Sat night at the bar. When they asked I thought it was one act of many. Somehow I am not only headlining, I am IT. Glll... it is only one song... and they wrote something about "great performance at midnight"... you'd think if I am headlining, they would have asked me more than three days in advance. I am a children's illustrator, not a nightclub on-call entertainer. Sigh. That's what happens when your friends own a bar in a kindergarten bdsm community.

So I told my friend I couldnt do my femme to butch performance since I don't have time to practice it since I am working so hard. Literally I am not working when I sleep, and when I eat, and when I write these entries. Other than that, I get up and do business calls, walk the dog while going to the copycenter, the office store, the post office, more business calls, fax sketches, staple and fold minicomics, register for UPS online, more business calls to San Fran, and then paint until I go to bed. Fun eh. Well, I don't work while I pee either. Sigh. I TRY not to be on a business call while on the toilet... but if the toilet was there first and I have been playing telephone tag for three days with the comics printer, I DO take the call. And do my stuff QUIETLY. So now you can all wonder about what homeoffice workers are DOING!

Anyways, I said I could only do the shorter piece of slave to domme IF she got me boots. And tonight she calls to say that she has only found friends with thigh-high boots that have tiny feet. So they might pay me enough to BUY some boots... but then I have to go shopping for thigh-high platform domme boots...

And the performance is Saturday night. So now you see why I want all these posters to LEAVE the house on Friday early enough to shop on Friday night... so I can practice. Sigh. Maybe I can read poetry on stage or something stupid... so it is more than 3 minutes long. My bloody friends. Sigh. I maybe shouldve said no.

Well, back to work... another cup of tea is done steeping. This entry is long enough, so I shall end it now. Good night everyone. OR rather good morning.

Me, Wenchie.

EXTRA EXTRA JUST IN!!!I leave you with a very funny essay from, about spicing up your sex life with kinky sex... it is hilarious, and mostly very true...Why I Can't Rape My Wife. Read it. It's worth it. tah!

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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