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Music today: The Lovin Spoonful, cuz the cd player has decided it is no longer on strike. Strange.

Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Wednesday, Nov. 19, 2003 - 5:57 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Fredo and Botanical Gardens

all photos this page copyright 2003 H. Otto... do not fuck with them thanks

Well, I was an exceptionally good girl today. I walked the dog, returned phone calls, ate and even went through the text to a new book at the local cafe BEFORE I looked through my email inbox or diaryland! YAY! Self-discipline EXTRAORDINAIRE!! hah! I also went to my flamenco class, but what a fuckup... I had no clue when it was, on Tuesday, being a faithful Thursday girl myself until I spluffed out last week due to extreme tiredness from getting up before noon. I went by the community center this afternoon to ask what time it was but they didnt know. Called the teacher but got a machine. Seemed to me it was an hour earlier than our Thurs class, so i tooled around on the computer til it was 6pm, and got there all dressed spiffy in black for 6:30.

WRONG!!! The class started at 5:30, AND the Carmen choreography part started at 5pm... I didnt know there even was a Carmen choreography on Tues as well as Thurs. So, I only got a half hour of flamenco. Poop and little scoop. Huge puppy turds and no bag. Glll.

cactiiI suggested to the teacher, Ms Sonia Del Rio, that perhaps it would be helpful to all if she left a little note with the class hours at the reception desk at the community center (all the other class times there are in a schedule book, but she is sort of an outside subcontractor... she is listed, but with a phone #, no class times)... And her response was "It is TWENTY years SONIA DEL RIO teaches and SONIA DEL RIO has NEVER done that", and not only that but the inevitable:"In TWENTY YEARS that SONIA DEL RIO is teaching you are the ONLY one to demand such a thing!! I told everyone in the start of September that the classes on Tuesday were at 5pm..." Ack and ack again.

Sometimes I feel like the one who has invented the wheel: "you are the ONLY one who wants to roll something instead of dragging it." Deep sigh. It is fascinating how I should have somehow stuck in my head that Tuesday classes were at 5pm (note that our Thursday class time has changed twice since Sept) way back in Sept when I had no desire or reason to go to Tuesday class. And we could always say that she told us once three weeks ago that we go heel-toe-heel-toe 14 times in the dance. Strangely it seems to be valid to repeat that six times a class for three weeks. glll.

So she ends up smiling as if I am a dim but sweet child, saying to the waiting women for the next class that "Leonna (mmm, that is not my name but some letters are correct) is like this, but she is a respectful girl, yes a respectful girl". And she smiles again and shakes her head while walking away. I really don't think it would be that hard to have the class hours available at reception. Hmmm. Silly silly me. Another group of people in which I now have the reputation of being "like that" and "the only one". Ps, her real name is Normand, not DEL RIO grrr. snark snark.

Fredo_sketchAnyhews, since I was dismissed an hour earlier than I had expected, I got lots of drawing done. 8 chapter headings, 3 full page cover sketches, and one other full page sketch. yay. I can probably finish the sketches for this book tomorrow. Here are the main characters:So, they are kinda cute huh! It is a french book about a little boy (Fredo in the middle) who thinks his parents are gonna try to dump him cuz they can afford to feed only 2 kids not three. (He listens at his parents' door at night, and puts together the little bits he overhears)

botgardensSo, these are of course the photos I promised yesterday of the Botanical Gardens in Montreal, which my father took, and that is me looking totally goofy hiding behind the ferns. Did I think I was out of the shot? I really don't know. What a goofball. But you should be able to tell from the other ones that my dad is a crack photographer for someone whose camera is held together by rubber bands. Yup, like his daughter, he doesnt like to throw out something that still works.

me+orchidHe just has one of those little screw on filter type macro lenses and does a pretty good job with it. But I am sure that my Dad's photography skills are not so exciting. So on to my online daliances...

I have been engaging in heavy email dialogue with our wonderful Elizabeth F. Stewart of Bitchslap fame. Which is a delight... she is one of those people who sends back your long email with interjections shoved in after every couple of sentences or paragraphs. I love that (of course I do it myself). And she has been kind enough to send me not one but TWO photos of herself. Brave woman. And it is totally so funny... somehow I imagined this 50 year old intrepid bi sexual adventurer to be sort of the femme top sort, with long dark hair drawn back, and sort of a straight older woman look... I don't know if you are getting a picture. Anyhowz, turns out she is very good looking in a sort of butchy/androgynous way (though she says she is often more femme, and likes to play with wigs) with short silver hair (she says silver is a sexier word than grey! yup! :) Very interesting. Quite a cutie.

Turns out she hates children. Sigh. I always feel like some sort of peppy kindergarten teacher when I say I love children, to people who hate children. If I say they are nice, I sound all ickily sweetsie, (actually I think she said in fact "how sweet" when I described liking reading bedtime stories and making cookies), and if I say I like the fact that they are more real, ie I'd rather someone whine or shout than maturely and disdainfully look at me for whining or shouting... then it just reinforces the "see, I TOLD you they are little monsters" line of thought. oh well... we will go back to discussing wigs i suppose. Or gay porn... (again... I think it is on some site NOT OPEN TO UNDER 18 or 21 or whatever they deem to be adult so hey, kids be cool and dont go there.)Here is a great article she wrote on dykes liking gay male porn. Maybe I shouldn't tell all that... mmm. I dunno. Where does the public end and the private start?

Well, I am very excited that I am going to the Predicament Bondage workshop in Toronto on January 10th. It was sold out, but I got a personal invite from the presenter to be his guest. That is very exciting. Now we'll see what he expects in return! Boots polished? Coats hung? I am having a very fun time on Midori's yahoogroups list, bantering back and forth with people.

We have been discussing SafeCalls... ie is it a good thing to have a system whereby you ask someone to wait for your call if you go on a date. If you don't call then they are supposed to go out looking for you or call the police. Some people think that is just silly and at worst horrid, since if someone is having a great time, and forgets to call, the police may show up at the door. In some places there is no such thing as consenting to assault, so if you are tied up and someone is hitting you and you have bruises, your very obliging date could be charged with assault and battery and dragged off by the supposedly "rescuing" cops. Very problematic it is true. On the other hand such a service could save a life non? Sigh. hmm, like most good things there is a bad side. We'll see. There was an interesting story about that in the paper yesterday... some guy's car aquaplaned off the road, and the man in the car behind him stopped and got out to help.

Turns out that the car was upside down in a drainage ditch and the people were stuck upsidedown in their seatbelts, with water rising up their faces. The lady was ok, but the male driver had water rising up to his lips and was starting to panic.The quick-thinking rescuer took the tubeshaped body of a ballpoint pen and stuck it in the driver's mouth to breathe through and saved him from drowning. He was a celebrated hero for his quick thinking. Now, how it fits in this SafeCall discussion is that the same thing that saved their lives (the seatbelts kept them from being smashed up or thrown out of the rolling vehicle) were the same things that kept them stuck and in danger of drowning once the car had stopped. There is a lesson here. maybe wear your seatbelt, AND if you are following a car, or see a car that has gone off the road, don't just GAWK, stop and help!! There.

I don't know what the heck is up but for some reason the entry keeps trying to expand to about three times the normal width. I am doing something wrong. If this looks totally screwy in your browser I am sorry. ack.

You know, today on diaryland many people updated in the early part of the day but tonight it has been dead dead dead. Hey, thanks to the people who did my bodymods survey. Those of you who didn't, please do, even if you don't have tattoos and shit, cuz it asks questions like "do you pick your zits" and "do you modify your body through behaviour such as dieting, weightlifting, etc" ... see, I am not such a wild person. Alternatively you can all read MY responses for a laugh. I think i am rambling.

I think it is past 7am. I sleep so soundly at 2pm I tell ya. At this time of day I think about ob and cry. Sometimes I think about things that make me angry and sad and I cry. And sometimes I think of wonderful lovely things about her and that makes me cry. I wish I would just nicely fall asleep. Sigh. I guess I should go back to doing yoga, and also drinking chamomile tea instead of writing my diaryland entry just before bed. I dont know.

But at least this week I don't have to be up early any day. A relaxing workful week. yay.

Well, I think I'm just gonna check if the links work and hit the sack. zzzz. Love me to me. with hugs and melted cheese. mmm.

Ack! I am such a fucking perfectionist... I just couldn't leave alone the fact the entry sprawled too wide, so had to add in tables, and then screw around with where the text is. It is still not perfect but the sprawl is contained.yay. It unfortunately is 7:42 am I need a parent to send me to bed. urk. Hey, Dangerspouse!! Where are ya??!! LOL! goodnight.

Here is my horoscope for Tuesday, November 18:

Fiscal accountability lies at the heart of your plan. Always know where your money is and what it's doing there. As long as you have those answers, all other questions are irrelevant.

Gee, all other questions are irrelevant. Hah! "what is life, where is love, what's for dinner..." Duh...

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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