Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing
Tuesday, May. 17, 2005 - 6:18 a.m.
WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.
Where Your Foot Fell
Crikey.
It's 6:14 am.
I want to leave for the countryside to visit my friends at noon. What a laugh.
I am so tired.
I have been watching a video about the problems of adopting internationally... not the adoptions with all the bureaucracy, but rather, the children who are taken out of what they knew, and thrown into this new strange world. It is sobering, indeed it is.
I don't know if I can do this.
It is really like my sister who was adopted at a year and a half and then we had to give her up when she was 6. She just never decided she wanted to stay with us.
How you hate yourself when your child won't let you near, when she hides in the closet and screams for five hours and cringes when you look at her. When she mutilates herself and bites you when you come near.
yikes.
And to think that now I wonder sometimes if I am doing ok.
yikes.
yikes.
ok, gotta get some sleep.
Off to hang with people who have a family. With kids that they planned for, had prenatal care, gave birth to, cared for since conception. hmmm.
It does indeed give oneself pause.
And it does make me grieve yet again.
Why no baby. Why.
I almost want to ask "what did i do wrong". Like it is some punishment. Some failing of some god somewhere.
But I know that isn't true.
It is like an ant that gets stepped on.
He just happened to be where your foot fell.
Like me.
Like those kids all around the world.
See ya in two days.
me
wenchie
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previous meanderings - future past
Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009
