Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

101 Things About Me

Do My Surveys
(scroll down)

To Do List

To Buy List

Free Guestmap from Bravenet 

Thursday, Jul. 22, 2004 - 3:45 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
(JavaScript Error)

WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Freud has Nothing To Say about Personality Conflicts

Well, I got this at Onewetleg's... I must've lied to get these results. I personally like the best the one that says that I appear stuck between a progressive and regressive outlook on life. Damn right. I want to go for it, no, I want to stay at home with a grilled cheese. I want to invent new and better ways, no, I want to live in the past and be Amish or a Luddite. I want to draw pretty pictures and be wild and creative, no, I don't want to sharpen the pretty new colored crayons nor dirty the gorgeous virgin white paper. hehe. Well, I seem to balance out in the end. Or perhaps just swing widely. Tah.

Freudian Inventory Results
Genital (60%) you appear to be stuck between a progressive and regressive outlook on life.
Latency (56%) you appear to have a good balance of knowledge seeking and practicality.
Phallic (53%) you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure.
Anal (56%) you appear to have a good balance of self control and spontaneity.
Oral (50%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence.
Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by

Well, I managed to have my friend Chuck throw down my stuff (saying "HERE"S YOUR STUFF") ... ie veggies from the organic veggie box he picked up for me today, the tickets for the Evil Dead Musical, and a book he returned, and stomp out of my place slamming both the door and the front gate so it didn't latch. fun.

Ah, what happened what happened.

I invited him over to watch the first Evil Dead movie (which neither of us has seen... personally I STILL think he'd hate it) on video at my place after I got back from teaching the kids in the countryside. I said around midnight, since the community carshare car had to be back by midnight.

Did I mention that there is construction EVERYWHERE in Quebec in the summer? Now I don't normally drive around Quebec in the summer so didn't think of it.

The people told me that it would be an hour and a half drive out there. I gave myself two hours. There was a traffic jam for over 45 minutes... going 5km an hour (let's see, if one normally does 120 km an hour, one covers 90 km in 45 minutes. At 5km an hour, it is under 4 km covered in 45 minutes. yay... that means one has 86 km to make up somewhere...) Yay.

This is the time to realize that a large truck coming your way on a country road posted 90k/h that blinks its headlights is saying "COP AROUND THE CORNER WAITING ON YOUR SPEEDING ASS!!" ... I was like "um, are my headlights off? on? blinking? damn, what does he mean?"............

"... oh there's a cop car on my speeding ass."

Yup in Montreal proper, they consider 120 to be a normal speed on the byway where it is posted 70. But in the countryside with no one around, going 115 in a 90 zone is a BAD BAD THING. And getting pulled over by a cop will NOT help you make up your lost 86 km. nope.

Fortunately said cop took pity on my late, trying to read copious directions and a map at the same time as roadsigns, stressed that 16 children were sitting in a field with nothing to do while their parents wondered if I'd slept in or gotten squashed by a semi, speeding ass. And he gave me only a warning. The wonderful thing of having a practically impeccable driving record, is that it is self-perpetuating. Usually the cop takes my id back to his car, plugs it in, goes, gee, speeding lady doesn't have hardly any demerit points (actually my last ones date back to 2001, so I don't think I have any anymore... they go back to zero after three years I believe)... so she's not a bad gal. We'll let her off with a warning. Which of course means the next time a cop looks, I still have no demerit points. I think this may be white girl with all her teeth privilege. You know, what men and off-white people always complain about. yup. And at the moment the cop is standing at my window waiting for my driver's licence, I am not about to ask to have those those privileges revoked.

So, I was only 50 minutes late. urk. Damn.

and then coming back, they are like... no, really, it will be LESS than an hour and a half, cuz you're taking different roads, and even if there is construction, there will be no bottlenecks of insane crazed day drivers.

HAHAHAHA!! I got within 20km of the city... yup... that is like 10 minutes away, and it was only 11:20. I was like yay! hoooray for the nighttime. I thought I'd be at my front door to call chuck at 11:30, then off to drop off the car and pick up the video. yeah!

But no, there was construction. And insane crazed night drivers. (damn them urbanites... country people are ASLEEP at 11:20pm). So I was going like TWO k/h. And THEN the expressway tunnel to my place (normally five minutes under downtown, popping up like a rabbit practically at my doorstep) was closed for construction. So I had to drive through all the red lights and side streets.

AND my tampon ran out. I know you just wanted to know that. But it is not a fun thing to deal with in traffic... you just KNOW that the driver next to you up there in the SUV is looking down into your window... and it is REALLY hard to get them pantyliners into your clothes while sitting down with pants on, a fanny pack and a seatbelt. That adhesive that holds them firm in your underwear crotch?? It sticks REALLY well to fingers that are trying to squeeze them into a zipfly.

I got to the parking for the car at 12:25 am. Goddamn. Hope I didn't fuck up someone's night who needed it at midnight. On my way home I checked if they had the video, yup, got home and called Chuck, who had left a message saying "it's midnight, i'm waiting to come over for the movie".

"I'm just going to run up a block and pick up the video.. you have a key to my place, so I'd like if you could come now to my place so I can pop it in asap on arrival, cuz I gotta do my work for the adult language ed book that I didn't get done last night"...

"oh, it can be another night if it is more convenient for you"

Now... this would sound like a nice, friendly, giving me an out thing to say. But the problem is that ANYTIME I say ANYTHING like "cuz I've got to run to the store" or "I'll just pick it up while I'm on my way to work" etc... he is like "oh, I don't want to inconvenience you"... well, the whole reason *I* suggested it is cuz it was convenient to me to start with, and it is inconvenient to me to do this whole "you go first" "no you go first" "no, I insist", "no, I don't want to be in the way, you go first" dance. It is soooo frustrating. If I say "i'll be over in five minutes and i can't stay long cuz I'm on my way to blahblah"... I would like to do just that. Drop over in five minutes and not stay long.

So, I was like "no, I want to do it tonight, and I realize that you can watch this movie anytime, so if it WAS inconvenient for me, I would've just cancelled"...

"well, then why do you bring up that you have to do the work then??"

(um, so you'll come over right away and not dawdle???)

So he say "call me when you get back with the video"... AAGH! I was calling NOW, so i DIDNT have to call again... well, it seemed too much work to get into another of our confounded "well, if it's convenient, not convenient, why howcome, when blahblah" so I just cut off the discussion and ran out to get the video.

I guess that shouldn't bother me. But if he is so concerned about what is convenient for me, why cannot he just do as I suggest since I have work to do??

So, call him when I get home, and when he arrived I had the malheur to say:

"I don't understand why you ask me *why* I tell you I have work to do, when I said "please come right over so we can watch right away cuz I have work to do afterwards"... the explanation was in the sentence itself."

Damn me damn me damn me

He got all angry cuz I was still going on about it, shouted that he didn't see why he needed to be made to feel bad for not coming over right away, and me having to work, and why can't HE be two minutes late when I am allowed to be *40* minutes late. AAAGH!.

This makes NO sense to me. I wanted him to come over right away to get things set up while I got the video BECAUSE I was 40 minutes late. I was hoping to make up some time.

That sort of reasoning is like saying "please don't put any more weight in the canoe, we are already overweight"..."well, I don't see why *I* can't bring extra weight into the canoe if YOU are allowed to"... um, because it will sink???

And uh, yeah, I was "allowed" to be stuck nightdriving for two and a half hours in effin traffic jams and road detours so I am 40 minutes late. Oh, the joys and goodies I am allowed. yay me.

Anyways, so he threw down my stuff and stomped out. I can only say that this is so fucking typical for how we have verbal blowups. He gets on my nerves I get on his nerves I just hate it. I see him very little now because of it. It just seems like we are always asking the wrong questions or he is trying to solve problems I don't want solved by offering to do things I don't want to do and then getting angry when I don't want his solutions. "WHY did you tell me about the problem if you don't want me to solve it then?!!!" he says all frustrated. Um, just cuz I wanted to talk about the problem??

I swear. If I say I have no milk and no time, he will offer to get the milk, which is a weird thing to do for someone you are not living next to or with. Or he'll offer to come over to help me with something, but I don't have time at that moment to have him come over. I once said I was surpised he didn't offer up his girlfriend when I said I was lonely.

Now some people just don't offer excessively. And also some people don't help in ways that make you want to scream. Once he watered my plants so much that it ran out the bottom of the pots. He didn't water them less, he still watered them just as much every day (even though I said "the plants are ok while I'm ok, just bring in the mail"... which he took to mean... she watered the plants today, I should water them all the other days the same amount as I did several years ago when they were sitting outside in the hot bright summer sun, even though now they are inside and it is november). And of course huge buckets of water went through the plants. He put them in bowls and dishes. He put them in buckets and propped up a cookie cooling rack with stacks of books over another bucket for the water to drain into. It was like something out of Dr. Seuss I tell ya.

All these plants in buckets of water so they were totally waterlogged. (it wouldve been easier on him if he had just filled the bathtub the first day, and put all the plants into it for a week).

And when I came back and said it was illogical, and when water runs out of a plant it has had enough... he got very angry, said he didn't want a lesson on watering plants, and if I didn't like how he took care of my plants he would never take care of them again.


I think he has learning issues as well as knight in shining armour issues.

And I seem to have problems when I try to make up lost time by hurrying. I shouldve taken the nice cop's warning eh! One will have traffic accidents if one tries to go fast.

But damn again.

I really don't think that saying I want to watch the movie now cuz I am an hour behind schedule, and I have to finish work afterwards is being unreasonable.

But I feel rather bad that once again we are at an impasse for our clashing personalities, and all this when he had picked up the veggies for me while I was out of town, watched the movie without him (it is quite funnier to watch I am sure when you have already seen Evil Dead Two... I found it very funny), and am going to the Musical on his wallet without him with Lucky Kitty. My oh my.

I am a bitch. And I am a blabby bitch, writing about it online. Me the blabby bitch.

who has to finish her work. damn again.

maybe I'll erase this. I dunno.

And I suppose later I'll put the video (it's good til Saturday), the chou rave he wanted, and a book he forgot here in a bag and leave it on his doorstep. What the hell. I'll still be a bitch and he'll still be a pain in the ass, but I won't be a withholding bitch.

damn again.


0 People have left cute, callous or caring comments on the wench's wordiness!!
Leave yours too!!

Go to "notes" instead of comments

Join my Notify List and get email when I post a private entry:
Powered by
ps, you'll need to email me for a username and password


previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!

Prism Comics!

*inspired by Chaosdaily