Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing
Tuesday, May. 25, 2004 - 3:25 a.m.
WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.
Giant Moth Pimps herself Out
I got this at her-story's place, and kicked her "Giant Man-Eating Plant that Tunnels Underground, enjoys Climbing Buildings, and has Black-and-White Stripes." butt royally, since my intelligence is 7 and hers is only 3 (hell, she's a plant!
When defending against wench77:-
Strength: 4
Agility: 5
Intelligence: 3
Agility was a tie, at 5:5, and herstory won by one (3:4) for strength... she may be a plant, but she eats men for god's sake, and I'm but a measly moth. hehe.
Well, I lost most of my evening earning moolah for the doggy's bicycle cart. I got a call from this guy who wanted me to dress in leather, wear scary makeup and my black wig, and beat him up. Not a bad thing to do, esp since I didn't go to the gym tonight and had lots of energy. It was 11pm, and I thought I'd be home by 1 or so, but I really only got home at quarter to three. And now that I've had some pasta with cheese I feel zonked. But it was worth it. Money for the doggy, exercise for me, and it is fun getting to be cruel and nasty without feeling like I am being cruel and nasty, ie unlikeable. It is a win win situation. It is fun for me to be creative, and practice things, and he looks so enjoyably squirmy when it hurts. Oh I am so mean. GRIN. He's also a really nice intelligent man, artsy and talkative. hmm.
So, despite the feeling I have lately of not being really *into* anything, this is twice in three days I've been involved in bdsm stuff. There was a girls' play party on Saturday night, and it was fun again. I slicked my hair back with hairgel, into what I call my "olympic swimmer look", and then did arched eyebrows and dark red lipstick to go with, which dictated I wear a sort of black cocktail dress, not butchy gear.
There were many friends, the energy was great, and I got to be the "warmup" victim of this really wonderful couple. Yay! I like it since it doesn't push any of my "fear of relationship" buttons. No one is kissing me, or sexing me up really, or saying how much they love me and adore me blah blah. So I just feel very helpful, and desirable, but in a casual sort of way, since they are a couple, and I am not the main feast, just the warmup so they can get their hand in shape, their eye and aim with the flogger etc.
I did that with them last time there was a playparty as well, but this time they went harder on me, which was fun, and also I got some pinching and nails which I like. I really enjoy this sort of thing... besides feeling helpful, and getting some physical fun, it is great for my inquiring brain, which is kept at attention, listening to my body and the different sensations and seeing what will happen next (I was both times facing a wall, leaning a bit on my hands, standing up, with my eyes closed, so I don't see much!)
Besides that I hung out, watched some other friends playing (wish I was a super fast drawer, to do life drawings from a few memorable poses) chatted a bit and munched alot. hehe fun to munch when it is included in the door price... little sort of pizza thingies and cheese twizzles. Stuff I wouldn't buy at home, esp with the budgetary restrictions.
I am proud to say that I have been pretty disciplined about that. Have bought no books, music, swisschocolate. I only had one regular (ie $1 not $5)chocolate bar, and one fudgecicle and one croissant déjeuner in a month! yay! :) The good thing is not constantly taking another $100 cash out of the bank machine. That feels good. Now if only I were earning big bucks, my debt would go down and I could buy doggy's cart quickly. Instead I just keep noticing things around the yard and garden that will cost me $$ to fix, like the fence in the backyard, and the water line there... can't turn the water on for watering my new moss lawn when the water pipe was broken with the frost (the ground heaves, and the pipe is pushed up and thus the soldering busts).
I did google moss as a ground cover and now I don't feel like it is a moral failing that my grass has all died in the back. I always felt real shameful about that (dumb eh, comes from the same place as my housecleaning shame... a really perfectionist parent!)
Well, it was a lovely drizzly rainy day today... i like that for working. Sunday sunny so I could work outside, today wet so I could draw (and beat up people hehe). But now I'm tired and gonna hit the sack. Try to get up again before two pm. eek! :)
Here is my horoscope for Monday, May 24:Drum roll, please. Clear your throat and prepare to strut your stuff. Whether or not you know it, you've been rehearsing for this moment for some time. Go for it.
Yeah right.
Nite nite.zzzzz
Me, wenchie.
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previous meanderings - future past
Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009
