Saturday, Oct. 22, 2005 - 2:35 a.m.
Cost of the War in Iraq
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I think this is a Good Thing
It is really wierd. Something has happened. Is it hearing that the laws are changing, and so I feel like there is a time limit to uncertainty in fosteradopt now? Is it a reaction to the assvice and annoyance in the fosteradopt classes? Is it just a natural progression as this process unfolds? Was it speaking to my friend who agreed to be a reference for me?
I don't know. But I went to bed last night saying to myself "I am a strong person. I can do this. I can be a great mom. I WILL be a mom". Where did this come from? I don't know. I feel like I DO have friends and resources. Not as much as I would like, but still, I do. I DO manage to deal with things as they come up: my brother's death, my mom's chronic fatigue, my dog's knee surgery, plumbing problems in the house. And I do manage to get enough sleep, get my work done, muddle through it all and do a pretty good job.
I can tell I feel differently cuz I have started to consider things like getting rid of some plants to make space. Thinking... what about plants I know are poisonous? Should I get rid of plants now before there is ice and snow and they will die moving them to someone else's place? I have started to measure my bedroom to see if I can move things from my junkroom (the child's bedroom) to between the bed and the dresser, or next to the laundry box. I have noticed visualising little clothes in the closet, and wondering if I should put in lower closet rods. Imagining a series of little coat hooks in the hallway. Imagining where the bed would go.
All those little things that had freaked me out totally.
I walk around, and imagine how I would have to dress a child for the cold. I look at the shoestore flyer and think about tiny winter boots. I think about having a coat that could fit over a child worn in a sling.
I think this is a good thing.
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previous meanderings - future past
Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
*inspired by Chaosdaily