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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Wednesday, Sept. 14, 2005 - 10:20 p.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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Sometimes I just....

Sometimes I just hate myself.

My father does something once again stupid, hurtful and just mean. OK well-intentioned, but inappropriate and hurtful.

and then I go and bitch about it, and tell someone loudly in the street.

And think, I am badmouthing my father and spreading all my shit to the wind so all the neighbors with their windows open at 10pm on a hot hot hot night can hear.
I have no sense of boundaries I swear.

I feel like a whiny bitchy shit.

With an idiot for a father.

Sometimes I just hate myself.

And then I hear him screaming in his bitch twisted up hateful horrid face "grow up wenchie grow up wenchie grow up wenchie" and instead of feeling grownup I feel like I am a 2 year old crying and that makes me feel he is right and I feel like sinking into the ground in despair.

Sometimes I just hate myself.

gotta walk the dog.
why are people so mean.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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