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Listening to: "Blue" by Joni Mitchell

Reading today: "Té malade, toi!" by Line Gamache

Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Friday, Oct. 08, 2004 - 3:02 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Independent Thinker Doesn't Back Down

From Onewetleg's place:

Take the quiz: "Which American City Are You?"

San Francisco
Liberal and proud, you'll live your lifestyle however you choose in the face of all that would supress you.

and like her I will add my city by city results:

All of the possible quiz results for this quiz:
* New York (You scored 0)
* Las Vegas (You scored 0)
* Cleveland (You scored 0)
* Washington DC (You scored 0)
* San Francisco (You scored 2)
* Seattle (You scored 2)
* Los Angeles (You scored 0)
* Memphis (You scored 0)
* Boston (You scored 0)
* Orlando (You scored 2)

San Francisco and Seattle don't surprise me at all. Orlando, i know nothing about. Anyone know anything about Orlando, other than it is in Florida??


Here's another one about if I'm an independent thinker. The results:

Take the quiz: "Are you an independent thinker?"

A Free Thinking Rebel
Congratulations. You are a free thinker and a rebel. You blaze the hardest trails. Not only do you dare to think your own thoughts in the face of pressure, but you will stand up for them and fight the crowd.

and how I scored:

* A Free Thinking Rebel (You scored 4)
* A Passive Independent (You scored 1)
* A Thoughtless Lemming (You scored 0)
* A BrainWashed Puppet (You scored 1)

I like to think that I scored 1 for "A BrainWashed Puppet" because I put I like ""... this survey interestingly has a question where it says "You are asked to do a report on Bush, and despite everyone in your class disliking Bush, your research says he is in fact a good president. Do you...." Hmmm. Sounds like the sort of question that someone would write who thought readers are BrainWashed Puppets. I think I'll go back and change that and see if my results change.... sec.

Uhuh, my intuition proves correct. When I changed from "" to ""... which is the host of the quiz, I got this new result:

All of the possible quiz results for this quiz:
* A Free Thinking Rebel (You scored 5)
* A Passive Independent (You scored 1)
* A Thoughtless Lemming (You scored 0)
* A BrainWashed Puppet (You scored 0)

Yes, I changed from one "brainwashed puppet" point to one more "free thinking rebel" point. How telling. Well, I am freethinking and rebellious enough to not believe that I am rebellious if I agree with them, and a puppet if I agree with So, I think I should get triple rebel points for bucking their self-interested scoring bias. So THERE, zenhex!! jeesh.

And yeah, Mom-on-roof, I do not back down easily. (This was one of her comments on the conversations that drive me insane entry).

This is the girl who told her father at 16 that she didn't respect his opinion about where she worked cuz he refused to come and see it for himself. Boy THAT was a major hullabaloo. They were like (he and his wife)... where the HELL do you get THAT attitude from? I said "from you Dad, you always told me not to respect the opinion of someone who was speaking without being willing to check out the facts". Hehe.

This is the girl who stopped speaking to her father at LEAST three times for several years at a time, including when he told her that gays shouldn't be allowed near children, nor have any role in society that shows that society condones such behaviour. This WHILE said wench is telling Dad she is in love with a woman.

This is the girl who demanded an apology from Dad for writing a 15 page treatise on why wench is an irresponsible failure of a human being who would make her dead grandmother and brother roll in their graves and who wouldn't be welcome in his family until she once again became the wonderful caring respectable intelligent (add whatever adj you like here) that he raised her to be.... all in response to him reading her first 12 dyke-theme minicomics. She got the apology.

This is the girl who is on speaking terms with her Dad who was a miserable asshole most of her childhood (and now admits it) BECAUSE she has put the screws to him multiple times and walked away multiple times, while brothers sidestepped and hummed and hawed, shut up and evaded, grinned and bore it, sucked up and sucked it in. Said brothers? One is dead of suicide and the other doesn't have much of anything to do with Dad and doesn't speak too kindly of him.

Sometimes not backing down is really really hard on the self-esteem. People don't like someone who refuses to be shut up when they don't believe themselves to be wrong. But calling a spade a spade really helps if you want to scrub rust off of spades. If you call your spade a peony, it is unlikely you will scrub it, and you will have the ugliest "peonies" in town, and also the rustiest spade.

Now THAT was a really really contorted piece of writing! Sorry! eek!

Well, that's enough for now.

Suffice it today I am tired of being the bad fucked up girl (and yeah, I am also a chip off the spade, but I am not a useless rusted readyforthe trash spade)... and we had another smallish meltdown, but I didn't tailspin into frustration and self-loathing. Instead I feel I kept boundaries better and put my foot down.

I didn't win either the rummy game or the scrabble, but at least he didn't change his ticket to go home, and I didn't send him to a hotel. And no hands or heads were harmed in the making of this saga, at least today. Score one for wenchie.

And you know what? Unlike my Dad, I don't really care who wins the rummy or the scrabble. I don't play defensively so that the other person can't score any points with my help. I am willing to work to get the highest score for all concerned.

That is one reason why I lose out to people like ob's Mme and corncob... THEY play defensively, they play to win and have the other lose. I played so everyone could win. And you get stomped when that is the case. Or I rather let the prize decide to go have only one instead of it all.

Sorry, people, I am writing this for me and not you, so I am probably losing you all. I gotta go and get some sleep now.

Me, the brainwashed puppet independent thinker rebel.

You'd think that if I scored "independent thinker rebel" on everything and my fave website of the ones they name is, perhaps that should say something about what sort of people support moveon, eh?? Rather than the contrary? Zenhex writes some fun quizzes but is a biased partisan hic.

wenchola patola
... "even if I don't like ya, I'll stand up for ya when you're right".

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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