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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Thursday, May. 26, 2005 - 8:35 p.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Thanks [email protected]

OK, well, I was going to write an email to this idiot who left me a comment today, but figured I'd write it here since they are so into reading my diary. Ob, is that you?? or just another abusive idiot with an agenda who likes to read diaries of strangers who they obviously dislike, and then write to put them down. Crikey.

I guess from now on I won't take advice from real human beings who know me personally, but rather online anonymous strangers who read the one page I write every day or so on whatever struck my fancy that day or hour. Here goes:

Gee thanks naturalone.

No the adopted sibling did NOT leave the family because of anything except she had FAS, post-institutional attachment syndrome etc etc etc. SHE was fucked up, as all post-foster-home/orphanage children are... read some litterature, they are all considered by
medical professionals to be special needs children. BTW she recontacted us when she was 22, and the years she spent with us she said were the best of her life. Where she was best treated, best fed, best cared for, where she learned manners, and good interactions etc. Afterwards she went into the foster system where she was royally fucked over for years. But of course it would be best to leave them in the foster system... then of course she wouldn't have had a nice family life to compare with. And no, she had absolutely no reason to phone us up since we didn't know where she was for the previous 16 yrs, and there was absolutely no reason to say she had good memories if she didn't... after all SHE phoned us up out of the blue and said that.

Perhaps your non-professional opinion would be best given to all the people in your immediate environs who have night jobs, depression, cancer, smoking, and everything else you seem to think is a problem. I am sure that they would love to hear how they shouldn't be parents. Or perhaps you should write to all the mothers on my buddies list... the one who gets up at 4am to work all morning and isn't awake when her kids come home in the evening and is at work when they go to school in the morning. How about the one who is in love with a married man? The one who cannot speak to her mother. The one on meds for being bipolar. I swear you could make a fulltime career of reading online diaries, jumping to conclusions when they express their personal fears and failings, and write them all comments stating how selfish and horrid they are, and it is aaaaalllll their fault that their kids are not um (let's see, do I know anyone perfect?)... that their kids are not um, um, um, well, perfect (like no one is). Sorry, from what I can tell, all these women with diaries I read are great mothers. Caring loving, dedicated good mothers. But you could certainly find enough in their diaries to attack them.

My mother had depression enough to be treated. And she was a stable, wonderful parent. But I guess you weren't there, huh.

Quite frankly, I cannot think of any one single parent I know, or not even one single adult I know, who is this perfect person you seem to think that a child should have. And let's see. "that outcast kid". Hmmm. Yes, I know several hundred children of lesbians, gays, night workers (try finding a nurse or doctor who doesn't work nights, let alone police, truckers, ambulance drivers, tv and radio announcers... um yeah, "fucked up sleep patterns": Do you know that the world does NOT shut down at night? You think that all the kids of everyone who works at night is a fucked up underprivileged outcast?

And hummmm... let's see, we wouldn't want to ruin some fucked up in an orphanage child's life now would we. After all, if they lived with me, they might be loved, get food, education, healthcare, a future. How selfish of me. You might try reading about post-orphanage kids.

Not to mention visiting perhaps "Canada's Waiting Children" listings where more than a half of the entries say "this child would benefit from being the only child in the family with either a single parent or couple". Do I have insurance? Hello. I live in Canada. My laparoscopy was covered, my breast surgery was covered, my stitch in my eye was covered. We HAVE insurance. Do I have life insurance and disability insurance? Yup. Is my mortgage etc covered if I'm ill? Yup. Can someone with a job with benefits lose it like that and be on unemployment? hmmm. Ask my father who was a nice married man with a good job.

Adopted children need to assimilate not be isolated. You ask Onewetleg who stayed at my place for a week if she thinks that I would isolate my child socially. hah. And next you would perhaps like to take on all the white parents of Chinese children, black children, native children, children with autism, crossed eyes, weird aggressive behaviour from institutions and foster homes, etc if their children are "assimilated". I suggest you read some literature on adopted children. The single greatest problem made in adoptions in the past was pretending the kid wasn't adopted. Treating them like a bio child. They are not a bio child. They are a child who is adopted. Who has lived one or many abandonments or changes of attachment. They need someone who is open, honest, who understands they are going to have special problems, need special care (medical, behavioural, educational), questions about their heritage and past life, not someone who "assimilates" them.

You know what *I* was "outcast" for as a child? Not being good at baseball. And that I liked to read, and didn't join in racist attacks on immigrant kids.
You want to know if my brother who was adopted was outcast? Who had the same parents as me? hah... he was mr. social butterfly.

So, am I "outcast"? Hmm. let's see. In the past week I have turned down invites to two birthday parties, two dates with a guy, had a date with another guy who I have known for 20 yrs (so it's not like he doesn't know or like me), invited for coffee with another friend of 23 years, visited a friend who was my roomate in college with her kids for two days, and am now off to spend two days at the house of my best friend from grade school. So yeah, my major problem right now socially is that I am busy and the people who live closest and I see dog walking talk about car racing and action movies and hang at bars I don't like where drunk giggly girls hang off guys arms.

So yeah, I am sooo annoying I have to turn down social events. Dang eh. And every person I know in my personal life whether for 2 yrs or 25 says "omg you would be a great mom".

So yeah. You might keep in mind that online diaries are mostly written when people are upset about something. That when I don't write, or just post a link or two it is because I am actually busy with a social life. That I don't write every nice time I have. That I might be talking on the phone to good friends and not typing how sad and lonely I am.

Get a life.
wench77 (there are only two 7s)

For everyone else, yeah, saw New Boy again... was hoping to hang with him this afternoon but it is cold and raining, so I did NOT take doggies walkies in the park in the sun as foreseen, and the copy center's color copier broke so I ran around finding a new machine instead. And yeah, the people from TO Kink invited me to a birthday party but I had a meeting to go to. And another birthday party, but that adoption conference to go to. I DID have a date last night for Disappearing Boy's birthday... got all dressed up and we went out and had a beer (ok I drank red wine since there was no Corona) and we talked and walked and made out and he slept over.

Now I have to finish reading my emails, go buy my bus ticket, draw one more page of comics so I have enough to cover up til Monday. zoom zoom six pages in three days, walk doggies, do laundry, vacuum, pack, draw for South Korea zoom zoom.

I'm really looking forward to the Toronto thingie this weekend, and seeing my good friend whose house I'm staying at. Too bad I don't have more time to hang: last time I visited we spent a whole day in a market walking around, had time to rent a video or two, and went for supper twice. This time will be a whirlwind tour, with me arriving Friday eve and coming back Sunday night. zoom zoom.

and remember people,
don't pass judgment on people based on their diaries.
And if you are someone's ex, write them an email instead of leaving nasty comments in their diary. It is a stupid childish thing to do.

And remember, most of the most fucked up people come from "traditional" homes.

Geesh, I almost wish more people would attack me with baseless stupid uniformed concerns... really it does wipe out my self-doubt and make me realize how knowledgable and responsible I really am.


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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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