Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing
Saturday, Jul. 26, 2008 - 3:50 p.m.
WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.
Loathing
I am not succeeding at keeping self loathing at bay.
I don't have time to do anything and am barely keeping up.
I want to just sleep. And maybe cry.
How did I get here.
Where are my friends.
Busy elsewhere.
If I can hardly stand myself, why would anyone else stand me.
I have no hope really, for future relationships. I absolutely suck at picking people. Only fucked up people pick me. And then it is a mess and brings out the worst in both of us. Anyone who is nice and would get me in a different mindset and be fun and into things would pick someone else not me. Heck, they'd smile at me nicely in passing, nod their head and get on with their happy life.
Where they don't just loop self-loathing and every bad thing everyone has ever said to and about them, and fear it is true.
Like I said. I can hardly stand myself.
I am lonely.
Byebye for now.
me
wenchie.
working
and it is raining YET AGAIN.
fuck.
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previous meanderings - future past
Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009
