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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Sunday, Jan. 04, 2004 - 5:10 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Unconscious mutterings of a Friday on Sunday morning

**To see doggies sketches, go here** To read previous entry for Saturday, go here**

Unconscious Mutterings Week 48_2

  1. Vintage:: old lace, stemmed glassware, dusty, precious

  2. Longing :: Heidi, sad face, arms outstretched, straining forward, letters

  3. Specimen :: urine, bottle, museum, taxidermy

  4. Mock :: Turtle, turtleneck, cruel laughing, snide

  5. Shit :: plastic bags, smell, mistake, pain in the ass

  6. Friday :: Freaky, Robinson Crusoe, Fedex

  7. Cruel :: Queen, fairy tale, narrowed eyes, pain, mean

  8. Insufficient :: lacking, hollow, needy, impotent, hopeless

  9. Pessimistic :: negative, realistic, sceptical, aunt

  10. Grin :: Shawn, teeth, happy, joking, joy

Well there ya go. Now I suppose I should go and do the Friday Five as well....

Jan 02, 2004

What one thing are you most looking forward to . . .

1. I'll answer this for Sunday since today (Sat) is pretty much over... Finishing my sketches for the doggie contract... hehe boy I am optimistic!!

2. ...over the next week? Going to Toronto to do two workshops and a play party with Fetish Diva Midori. yay!!

3. ...this year? Boy oh boy... I shouldve just let this week's friday five slide by... damn these are worse than going to a therapist!! Sigh. Nothing. I dunno. Having Midori come to Montreal in January? Going to San Fran? those are both good things. Are they the "one thing I am most looking forward to"?? How about being happy again and ready to date?? eeeek! scary!

4. ...over the next five years? You know I havent a fucking clue. This is why I am such a loss in therapy. Who the hell plans five years ahead? Well I suppose if I was engaged to be married, it would be to get married. And if I were in school, it would be to graduate. Or somesuch. I dunno quite frankly. No plans no hopes.

5. ...for the rest of your life? Um, looking foward to, is like plans and things you expect to happen non? I expect to die. The rest is a crap shoot. I was looking forward to having a child, a life partner, and eventually grandchildren. I cannot honestly say I am looking forward to any of those things cuz I dont know how of if they will happen in any manner whatsoever. I could say I am looking forward to knowing what to do with my life, but I dont even have expectations for that to happen either. I may be in the same sort of place I am in now, but in 40 years. These are stupid crap answers. And I hate these questions. They remind me of being in therapy in 1990 after my brother died and they insisted I answer exactly these questions.

I finally ended up with "having a family"... and to get that, get a career that would support me and a child, get a relationship, get a home. And so I became an illustrator, followed relationship possibilities, bought a home, and did everything from have sex to inseminate to try to get pregnant. Zippo zero. So here I am not having a fucking clue what to do. thankyou for asking.

Damn I was in a pretty good mood before these goddamn life questions. sigh. forward and onward. thanks for reading. blah.

On a better note, I did get up to page 25 done on the doggie sketches and so I allowed myself to dress up slightly (leather jeans and black leather bra and leather jacket... no makeup etc) and walk down to the Fetish Cafe.... unfortunately I seem to have many friends who leave at 2:30, and not at bar closing of 3:00... god only knows why... and I arrived at 2:10. Sigh! But I did go out for poutine and coffee with Yawn... the place we went, le Club Sandwich, was crazy busy... turns out three waiters didn't show up for work which is why it was so crazy. I left a really good tip for the poor waiter who ran his ass off. Strangely both Yawn and I were having acid indigestion by the time he drove me home. It seems to have subsided now (perhaps competing with the bile generated by the Friday Five?!!)

So Here I am, and I think I shall draw another two pages of doggy, and maybe scan some in, before I hit the sack. In the meantime, here is a page with images of ginger as plants... who knew the foliage looked like that?? I have a couple ginger roots that are sprouting green sprouts over an inch long, so I was looking up how to grow them. Shove em in soil it seems. So I shall do that... like I need more plants! I just love to see things grow. I totally do!! Cats, dogs, bugs, plants, people! Grow grow grow!! :)

This year I am going to order my Brandywine heirloom tomato seeds very very early, since in 2003 they had too many orders and couldnt supply the seeds. I tried a different kind of beefsteak tomatoes and they were no good at all. So I will try to get the Brandywine ones again, and start em in the basement like two years ago. Absolutely excellent! They were like two pounds apiece! Yay! I can just imagine how good they are, sitting right here on this cold(ish.... since it is actually melting out!) January night! mmmm....

Well, I have no idea why I panicked and procrastinated for three days, cuz my drawings are going great of course. Here are a few sample sketches:

all images copyright 2004 Wench77

Tomorrow more sketches.... I'll leave ya with my horoscope yeah.

Here is my horoscope for Saturday, January 3:

Tired old excuses fall flat in the New Year. Call time-out in a game that nobody wants to play any more. Things could be very different from now on. Give yourself and your friends a real reason to be proud.

Once again we could wonder what that means. Maybe "get to work, dammit!!" hehe. Well, I've been like this as long as I can remember... "put off and rush, put off and rush", so "things could be very different from now on" doesn't really apply I don't think. whatever.

Hope the New Year is treating everyone well, and that Sleepyzoe's feet and ankles are amendin! yup!

Hugs to all and me too, wenchie. nightnight.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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