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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Friday, Apr. 30, 2004 - 12:15 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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Overwhelmed Wench Needs a Cuddle without Leaving the House

What I need in my life is just some people to a BE with...

it seems like everytime I want to have people around, socialize or just have contact with people, I have to phone, write emails, read things. I cannot keep up with all the diaries and notes.

I don't have time to read pitbullshark and SquirrelX's long engaging entries. Or reply to Legalbeagle's request for a long email about many interesting and important issues.

I don't have time to do my work cuz I am stuck on the tax report that needs to be done, and is taking me twice as long since in Feb and March I was a crazy productive idiot, sending fedexes, book orders, mailings out, having a book launch, going to San Fran, dealing with printers and shippers and stores and distributors. All that generates paperwork, and bills.

And interestingly enough once you start to look at all that paperwork you discover all kinds of glitches. The bank didn't put $ in the right account, the publisher forgot to add on GST, the tax slip doesn't match the amount paid. So I spent the whole afternoon on the phone and at the bank dealing with all this stuff. And it is only started. People will "call me back". yay.

Now if I were a paid employee I would get paid for doing all this extra phoning, paperwork etc, but I am not. People like Chaosdaily who runs her own business understands. This is above and beyond the time put in on actual work that pays. And it all needs to be done.

The door rings and it is more books that I have drawn. Like I need more books. I have no bookshelves, no time for shopping for bookshelves and no time for rearranging a whole studio to put up new bookshelves. haha.

And whenever I think "I need human contact" it takes a lot of time, since I don't see people at work, i have to socialize when I am not working. Set up a date and all. It is very nice but usually involves time and travel and often $ for whatever we are going to do together.

And I send emails to people and they send me back things to read that they've written, and comics online, and THEIR blogs. HAHA!! They are JUST the same as me!! We are all one huge humongous mass of people manically productive sending out our stuff to other busy people. I WANT to read their stuff. If I'm lucky I remember to print it out, or put it by my bed where i MIGHT read it before it gets lost in the last three weeks of unread newsweeklies. If not, it gets lost in my inmail box. haha.

Sometimes I need to take time to go through the inbox just so there is still memory in the system. And I realize my computer has the same disease as my house.

It takes all my time to actually deal with the input, and there is no time for indepth reading, responding, filing.

I might have time to open the envelopes or emails and put them in a pile of "fill out this demand for your life story soon" and "check through to see which charities you will try to give $ to", but not actually do the things the contents demand of me.


Today I missed my flamenco and a "5-7" beer get together for illustrators. On Saturday I will miss a bbq of fetish people. Whatever.

I just wish I had someone in my life that I could eat with as part of my regular eating. Hug as I walk through the kitchen. Sleep with in bed at night without planning a night out, dressing up, transportation, covercharge, a night of dancing, smalltalk, three dates, dressing up again and then a date in the bed.

That is all very fun and lovely. But I only have time for maybe one step of that in a given week, and so it doesnt come together.

Someone to talk with at lunch WHILE at work. I dunno.

I want social contact and friends, but why does it have to take so much organized effort?????

end of rant, back to number crunching. If I'm lucky, I'll come out with THEM owing me $ instead of vice versa. I am really hoping. Keep your fingers crossed, and then go look at my daffodils.

me, overwhelmed, sick and broke,


ps, thank you ever so much for all the nice peeples who said nice things about me being a good doggy mommy. I guess I am sometimes. I try. But sometimes not hard enough.

I really could use a cuddle.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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