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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Thursday, May. 12, 2005 - 12:38 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

New Boy New Old Monitor, New Agency

ooo oooo. A second "date" with newboy. Scary he might grow on me! yikes! and then what?? Would I have to figure out how a possibly vanilla probably straight francophone boy would fit into my crazy non-standard-issue life?? I realize I am sort of avoiding mentioning exgirlfriends, and that the guy beside me in the photo runs the LGBT comics website, and that the tall tall woman (localgirl) is transexual. Dang.

He just called up around 7pm or so and I was just getting in from taking comics around to a comics shop. (they paid me $65 for past sales and I spent $78 on new books... not too bad). I was heading off to draw my comic page so he joined me an hour later at the coffeeshop.

Then he came with me to the schoolyard to cut sprouts of japanese knotweed... it has to be done NOW before they get too big. So he held the bag and I chopped. Then went to the doggy park and walked around a bit. He even, without prompting, started massaging doggies when I was massaging her, talking to her saying isn't a four handed massage a good thing. Yikes! A guy who will pick weeds with me, listen to me rant about politics AND massage my dog unbidden?

He is unemployed though... just so we don't get tooo excited. And I am not overcome with lust though he isn't too hard on the eyes. :)

Back at my place we talked about my work a bit, and we did taste-testing on the japanese knotweed... I cooked some up and we ate it with sugar and halfandhalf cream. Tastes much like rhubarb. And I cooked some more that was more leafy, and we ate it with butter, salt and pepper. It is weirdly versatile... tasted tangy sort of like it had lemon on it. Tried it with mayo too, but that seemed to overwhelm it. So, the guy passed the "try new foods with gusto" "will eat weeds willingly" test.

Now I've thrown him out cuz i totally have to get some work done. I am exhausted... rather stressed me out last night, the whole monitor dying thing. I really thought I'd have to spend the whole day today shopping for something that would fit with my puter. Read previous entry today bout that.

I have to plug my puter guys here. They are GREAT!!! Came over before I even was out of bed with a replacement monitor (this one is twelve inches and everything looks all curved. It is a real mindfuck, like I am writing on a rubber balloon! I let them have my old one, which they will send to the recyling place. It was already losing focus (impossible to have words in focus in the center and the edges of the screen) for the past 6 months, and losing brightness since last summer (remember the fiasco of having "brightened" all my images for my website in photoshop because they looked too dark on my monitor, and then having people tell me they were all pastel online! yikes!!). So now that the electrical parts of it went too, it really isn't worth repairing.

They are ordering me a new Sansung monitor from Toronto which will arrive tomorrow, and they'll bring it over and install it. They are getting me a relatively inexpensive one since I have an old puter that won't last twenty years. It is so nice to have people come to the house to fix these things, deal with the ordering and all. Dang. My Macintosh Heros!!

What else did I do today?? I went to the Adopt from China place which my friends used. I would have found it ideal to go with them since they are five minutes from my place, and I know my friends had a good experience. However there are some hics that make me less cheerful and optimistic than the night before.

1) There is a quota from China about how many single parents can adopt. So the waiting list for single parents is WAY longer than the married couples one. The agency isn't even taking applications til Sept 15. I have to call that day... it is first come first serve for who leaves a message first on their answering machine. Crazy. It is like grabbing for CabbagePatch Kids.

2) China accepts married couples, and single women. Single women who are single single single. No living-together. Which covers about half of Quebec couples. Turns out my friends actually got married specifically for the adoption. But hell, what if you are with a guy and he doesn't want to tie the knot? Well, I guess no kid. So. Single single. I am single single.

3) China makes single women sign a letter declaring their heterosexuality. Wow. Now I don't know about you, but I'd rather have single lesbian women get my kids than single straight women. Cuz a single straight woman between 30 and 50 (the ages accepted by China) are likely to have a boyfriend in the future. And very very much of the sexual abuse of little girls is done by boyfriends of mothers, and stepfathers. Yikes. I would much more trust a woman I start to see than a man I start to see if I was a single mom of a little girl. Scary. But yeah, must sign a declaration of heterosexuality.

Let's see. I am known for being out and vocal and involved, publishing stuff about being bi. yikes. sheesh. One google search and my $650 deposit would go up in flames. Not to mention if I was already arrived in China and they decided no just before I got my kid. yikes. scary.

4) It costs quite a bit less for single parents to adopt from China than couples since much of the expense is the travel: meals, plane fare, lodging. So about $13,500 Cdn to $14,500 Cdn, vs about $18,000 Cdn for couples. I was thrilled about the price thing, since I could even cover that with my credit margin. But then the point #3.

5) China insists on proof you make $30,000 a year. My income is so fluctuating. I guess we could take gross vs net. It is a game eh, Take all the deductions you can to reduce your income for taxes, don't consider all the deductions when declaring for adoption.

I am going to go to their information session including videos about china and the whole process this friday. I figure, why the hell not... I will learn all sorts of things that might help no matter where I adopt from.

So, there's the #3 problem, and there's the waiting list problem. If I apply Sept 15th, it is for adopting in 2007-08. So it could be another 3 years. I could end up with a one year old when I am 44 or 45. Frightening. Dang. My friends took 6-7 months. So I was thinking of being 42. Shit.

So, time to look around more.
And right now I am so tired, I don't even know if I am insane to be considering this.

And put all that together with even thinking of dating someone new. What a mess. You are supposed to be single single single with no guy, OR married for three years. Yikes. Yikes Yikes.


OK< must get some work done! tah!

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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