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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Thursday, Jan. 27, 2005 - 1:04 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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Missing the Point Peeves Wenchie

OK people, what the hell was that about?

I have a moneymaking talent.
Well dang. the guy in the song made a beautiful oak table. If that isn't a moneymaking talent I don't know what is. Believe me. I know. I have friends who make beautiful oak tables.

Everyone dies alone.
What the fuck is that? Some sort of truism? Like "we are all alone deep down"?? Um yeah, let me see. If you spend eleven days in a bed alone dying slowly with no one there except your nurse coming in twice a day, or if you spend eleven days in a bed with all your children and some grandchildren sitting with you while you die slowly like my grandmother did, it is NOT the same effin thing. Her eldest son flew 2000 miles to be there with her... she waited til he got there. You want me to believe that if she had been alone in that room instead of having her 8 children come in, that it would have been no more sad? I dunno. jeesh. I guess we couldve all spared the plane fare and trouble.

Alone in the tsunami? Well, let me see... if you know you have a spouse who loves you and children who adore you, and you get hit by a wave and die. Or if you are alone in the world and get hit by a wave and die. I dunno. Or if you are a little kid drowning alone and cannot get to mommy, or mommy is holding you in her arms while you die... is it the same. If someone dies in the tsunami, and you find next to them a handcarved toy that says "to my children", and the children have survived and you give it to them... that is equally sad as if someone dies in the tsunami and you find them next to a handcarved toy that says "to my children" but all the children are drowned dead around him... IS it equally sad?

I dunno. I was hit by a car. I could have just as easily died while I was out and had a concussion. Did I feel alone? Um, well, in the few seconds of consciousness before I went out, I knew I had a mother, and my brothers were beside me. I certainly didn't feel very alone. In fact I felt very little. Mostly I felt a bit stupid that I'd got hit by a car.

I have friends. Some of whom are far away but present in spirit anyways.

Well, that is nice.
A moneymaking talent is nice.
Dying is inevitable.
Friends are nice.

And how do those things have anything to do with that song or the sentiments of wanting to leave something of yourself for your children once you have passed on, and that gift has no recipient??

ANYTHING to do with that sentiment of having no children??

The story of the modernday romeo and juilette was sad... because she woke up from the coma and asked for her husband... and he'd just killed himself because he thought he was without her forever since she was in a coma.

Tell me how that story is less sad if she has a moneymaking talent. Or friends. Or we are all alone anyways.

Sometimes dismissing someone's wishes and desires, their pain when they are unable to have what they want, the sadness at not being able to give what they want to give, is not reducing the sadness, it is disrespecting it.

Sometimes a "gosh, a song about not having children to leave your creations to must hit hard when you are infertile and involuntarily childless... I'm sorry for your paiin" would just be sufficient and nice. And make me not feel like I have had my desires belittled. Wanting descendents to pass a heritage on to is not a little desire. I get more sympathy for not having chocolate for 6 hours. Try to understand huh.

I have all my life expected to have kids. I have all my life saved my drawings and my toys and my photos and my family keepsakes to show to my kids, to pass on to my kids. I have all my life listened to songs about people who are old who die without family, alone, as songs about those OTHER people ... the old man down the street, the old lady with her cats in the alley...

And now it is me who can relate to that song. And yeah. maybe some others who have listened to that song in the past 30 years or so since it was written, have considered that it is supposed to be a sad song, and it is a sad song. But the old man had a moneymaking talent.


Back to making money. Yay.
I kind of wish I worked as a grocery cashier and watched the Simpsons at night.

a bit peeved.

ps... by the time my grandmother died all her friends were ALREADY dead, and her siblings too. Thank god she had children or she truly would have been alone. Not to mention the 30 years before she died when her children cut her lawn, drove her to the hairdresser, shopped for her when she broke her leg, visited her in hospital, and at home every sunday, picked up her mail.....

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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