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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2006 - 11:29 p.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Death and STDs

The guy who writes the books I illustrate on a regular basis died last night of a heart attack. The last book (with lots of doggies) isn't even printed yet... I finished it in Vancouver at my mom's house. It is so freaky. I was getting emails from him only days ago and now he is dead dead dead. Dang. Dead. yeah dead.

Hmmm. He was only 59, had tons of projects, including the series I was drawing for him, and had a new baby granddaughter (his first). Well, that is a bummer. Dang.

Enjoy life people. It doesn't last forever.

On other news, I got another royalty statement today in the mail (concurrently with opening the email about the dead writer), and it says I earned MINUS $576. Yup. -$576.... that means that books that were counted as "sold" last year were returned to the publisher unsold, so they go in a minus column in the accounting. Goddamn.

This is not a good financial year.

And here I am wanting to adopt a child... which means expenses, and time off, and then less time to work etc. I was supposed to be working really hard now (hah, I have a bunch of sketches on hold waiting for approval... so not advancing, and South Korea hired me to do 7 drawings and just axed one... ack ack ack)... working really hard and taking everything offered bwahahahaha!! and saving up money. Bwahahaha!!

It is RRSP time and I have NO MOOLAH!! Gack!

yay for financial planning. as a self-employed person it sucks.


On yet other news, I was up this am at 6:30, and on the bike in the snow going downtown at 7:30 with artsyguy to get checked out for stds. I just love telling healthcare professionals that I have not been having safe sex. Gack, how old am I, 16? Dang. Oh well. Theoretically if he is clear and I am clear we cannot have given anything to the other. eh??

And I'm going to go back and get hepatitis B shots when I go get the results in three weeks. That's if I am not already hepB positive. We are hoping I am not anything-positive. so there. I think the chances that I have picked up anything since Sept 2001 (when I got tested after the little criminal fiasco) are close to nil. But one never knows.

So, went with artsyguy to the clinic, and had breakie afterwards, and um, ended up frenchkissing next to the bicycles. Hmmm. So we still have the hots for eachother. I admit that two weeks apart cuts the annoyance level.

So, sorry Chaos, I got your comment about keeping it nonsexual um, right when I got home afterwards. Dangarama.

So... I dunno. We'll see. I'll just leave it alone now and see if he calls. Maybe we can be friends with benefits. I know I am not up for looking for another relationship, seriously dating ANYONE. I learned from this last affair that I don't have time to seriously invest in a fulltime longterm partnership relationship now with anyone, AND keep up on my house, work, and adoption plans. And I am not willing to let the adoption plans go now, spending my $ on going out, wooing someone etc. I want to spend my spare time fixing up my place for fostercare. so, a friends with benefits who lives next door, once or twice a week, to hang or have supper or whatever, could work. Now that I have pretty much nixed him (and him me) as a babyfather and live-in life partner. hmmm.

OK, well, since I was up at 6:30 am, I am fading, so I shall go to sleep now, and get my beauty rest and hopefully be up bright and early the next am to work on the last South Korean drawing. And hopefully they will pay me by the 28th so that when I go in that morning to the bank, my finances do not look so dismal when I meet with my financial advisor. Dangarama.

ok, nite nite folks!
Those who have not done so yet, please go back one and fill out the johari questionnaire thingie (thanks hissy, elizabeth, kelly, tom-of-vermont!) A couple of times I went there and the server was overloaded. If that happens, please go back later, cuz it does work.

And those who have the username and password for the private entries and haven't read the chocolate mousse entry can go there too.


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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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