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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
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Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
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- Pueblo Blessing

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Friday, Sept. 01, 2006 - 11:53 p.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Tired of it All but Still Alive

oh how do i get drawn into these conversations?

I know it is almost impossible not to.

If someone asks me to do something, or how is it going, or what am i doing, or do i have time, I inevitably answer something to do with my building, my foundations, not having time to work because of dealing with contractors etc....

And then I spend the next ten to hundred and twenty minutes explaining, expounding, justifying, etc my foundations, my priorities of renovation, hell, right now, this moment? Justifying my mortgage rate (heck, I REnegotiated my mortgage FOUR years ago... don't tell me what you got a year ago), and why I have disability insurance on it.

So great. When I am NOT dealing with the building, the contractors, the foundations.... I am sucked into black holes of conversations about the same. Neverending.

I try to say I want to talk about something else, but no, just one more question: is it Harbord and Gooselane who gave me the high price?? Am I sure I can't get a better mortgage elsewhere? Am I sure that I shouldn't sell and move to south wales? Am I sure I am not exaggerating when I say I could twist my wrist with just a slight fall and not draw? Surely I am fatalistic. Surely I am underestimating, overestimating, don't have the right advice, Have not enough advice, have too much advice.


I am so fed up. My eyelids are somewhere around my chin, they are dragging so heavy (yes, THAT is an exaggeration).

Anyways, I DID sand and prime all the metal above the windows and door frames that holds up the bricks over them. Hanging out the window of each apartment with one hand inside on the windowframe, and the other hand painting (dang, I am good with my left hand, just not fine detail), and the paint hanging off a carabiner on my belt in a yogurt container. hah! I did not fall, I did not kill myself.

Though if it doesn't rain tomorrow I can have a second chance... when I paint the same bits with white rust paint. yay. One more thing finished on the house. And then after I get all my submissions on the building foundations, I can do the calking. Dang, them windows need calking.

And on the street I saw a cool blue lift thingie that says you can rent it... that might solve the problem of how i can reshingle the little roof overhang myself before the whole thing flakes off bit by bit into the front yard (on the newly painted balconies, so it makes grit that will scratch them all up when people walk on them). Yay for shingles... I feel a bit more competent on shingles than on foundations, having done shingles when I was about 13 or 14. hahaha!!

Well, maybe I'll upload some photos that complement this entry. I did onehandedly take photos while hanging out the thirdfloor window, I did. yes.

Oh, and to answer someone's comment yesterday... ahhh, they wouldn't approve me for a condo mortgage, as a self-employed person... they calculate half my income and see if i could still make payments. And on a condo, i couldn't. Hell, a condo costs nearly as much as my whole building these days. And here I have four rental units... so if they half my income, I still have all those renters to pay the mortgage. Yes, I thought it was insane when i was looking into buying, that they would approve a single self-employed artist to buy a 5plex, with all the financial and time obligations that entails, but not approve same to buy a single condo.


Also I can't have a small condo... I have an arthritic St bernard (must be on ground floor, no stairs) and a home office that take lots of space. If not, I have to rent an office every month as well as pay mortgage. ahhhh. And if I sell now, I have to move. I calculated I would pocket maybe $10,000 on the sale of the bldg if I sold now, with the work needing to be done, repaying my mortgage and my loans, the evaluation and sales fees, the taxes on capital gain etc. hahaha.

Best to stay put and keep what I have.

ok, back to work.
and maybe to upload some pics.

ps, dear readers, please do NOT give out my diary address to people to be helpful, along with my real life full name. I really don't need that. thanks.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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