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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Friday, Oct. 07, 2005 - 3:36 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

The Seven Days of Intelligent Design

OK, this is way cooler than the 100 books I mostly haven't read and don't own thing (sorry owl!)

click to read Intelligent Design really happened

you see, I really AM working

Here's a song with cool lyrics: The Beautiful South Perfect 10.

4:47 am New entry bit:Dang.

I went by the kungfu place tonight since I was in the neighborhood. To sign up for classes to get in shape, and cuz that kungfu guy from the park who was so funny and nice, and taught well, and um, told me I'm nice and wanted to kiss me and do the butttouching teaches there, and told me LAST wednesday that he is there on Thursdays.

Ok, so I go. And there is a chain across the doorway (it is inside an industrial building, so that means you stand in the hall). I tried to let the woman let me inside... she says, NO must stay OUTSIDE to watch. And I was like, um, I would like to get a tour and sign up for classes. No tour, but she did let me fill out a form. And kungfu guy was there. He was doing warmups or somesuch... it wasn't a class, just a motley crew of people from a 10 yr old boy to very fit guys, to very fit girls, to a couple older chunky women. Not bad not bad. He saw me and looked me in the eye and nodded and went back to what he was doing. Hmm. I figured he was busy what the heck.

And so I finished filling out the form. I decided to sign up for a month and see if I like it, and then if yes, I can sign up for 6 months or a year. See if I can manage to make it all the way downtown on a regular basis. A class fee. And a 'membership fee'. And then apparently I need black pants, and an obligatory tshirt with their logo. Dang. OK, so I get out my checkbook. Apparently both the clothes and the membership fee need to be paid in cash. No I did not have 75$ cash on me. I thought since it was nearly $200 I could pay in check. Nope. So I didn't pay anything, they said to pay next time i come in.

Anyways, I was in the building all evening and went back to watch classes 2 or 3 more times. And kungfu guy glanced at me ONCE. And that is once he knew I was there. ie, he saw me, nodded, went back to what he was doing, never smiled or looked back again. Two glances over fifteen or twenty minutes of watching, over four visits including filling out paperwork, over 4 hours. And really, two of the four times I watched, it was between classes, not something organised.

Sigh. I dunno. If I was taking some guy's number, telling him he should totally be coming to the classes where I am, offering to teach him my passion, and sucking face with him, I think when he actually SHOWED UP where I had been so encouraging, I would maybe um, grin?? glance over more than once? Come over to say hi? Make a sign with my hand 'I"ll call you"? Dang. Dang again. Dang triple.

I sure the heck don't want to take classes at a place where one of the instructors came onto me and then decided no, and didn't give me the time of day... i mean even if it was just friendly vs dating, he could have come over and said, hey! great to seeya, why don'tcha sign up, this is marylou, she'll get you straightened out! Look forward to seeing you in class!. I already once went out with a class teacher and it went nowhere, and after that it was hell. Weirdness. Ignoring me in class. Snide comments if I got frustrated with something I was having difficulty learning.

So, maybe I'll call him and ask straightup? What's up with that? Would he rather I didn't come?

Even if he DOES like me, and want to date, I don't want to do the 'i will pretend I have never seen you before cuz I don't want to give special treatment in class' thing. I once dated someone who did weights. I was so happy, I thought I'd have a weights partner. Like other people do. Nope. I got a speech in the car before we went in. Do not talk to me in the gym, I am working out. No one needs to know we're together. What is lonelier than doing weights in the same room as your lover for 2 hours while they chat and joke with everyone else, spot other lifters and not you? Horrid. horrid horrid.

So, I think my happy fantasy of having a lover AND sharing a sport, which would mean I'd be motivated to get to the classes, and spend off-class time practicing and sharing tips and hints was just that. A three-day fantasy. Though I still don't get why he came by my place to get my phone # again, then never call 6 days later and pretty much ignore me at the kungfu gym.


So, this IS how my dating life goes. If anyone wants to know why I am still single. (and someone at the function I was at asked me why I don't just find someone to marry me in order to adopt internationally. Dang. I'd settle for a coffee and a movie to start with! Or a grin and a real hello).

On earlier news, I had a great day. Still feeling good about the veteran foster father at my fosteradopt classes last night telling me he thinks I'll be a great mom. Cool.

And i go the community carshare car to take the vacuum to get fixed... I also took along this broken vacuum I found in the garbage by the side of the road that is much the same model, thinking it could serve as a source of parts. Well, I get there, and he says, that vacuum will be at LEAST $50 to fix... what's wrong with THIS one, pointing to the garbage vacuum. Oh, that is just for parts. He plugs it in, and says, there is nothing wrong with this vacuum. It works fine. Sure the cord's a bit scruffy, but it has great suction.

So I rented a car and drove across town to learn that if I had just plugged in that 'garbage' vacuum, I would know it worked fine and I had no need of fixing the one I've had for years. Too funny. So it cost me not a penny, and that was that. Hahaha!

I also went by the Bummis Store and got this cool thing called a Tummy Tub and they gift wrapped it and all for me, and I gave it tonight to my neighbors next door who had a baby 7 wks ago. She's getting bigger by the breath I swear! She was SOO tiny when a couple days old. Anyways they were touched and thought it was cool and we sat and talked for an hour while the baby slept and looked around with stoned, tired eyes every little while. That was fun.

Also while I was out and about I got all 6 of my empty biodegradable laundry detergent containers refilled. And three bottles of Nature Clean Cleaning Lotion. Set me back a pretty penny, but now I am set for months. Thank god.

A very productive 3 hours yay! now *I* just need to get a baby. And vacuum.

I am considering saying I'd like to take a meth baby, or a cocaine baby. No fetal alcohol syndrome, no opiates. Bad bad bad. But it seems that the meth and the cocaine mostly make a cranky crying baby with sleep problems the first few weeks, and then maybe a risk for ADD, ADHD but not much else later. So that would be cool. If I can convince them I can take a baby. Apparently they like to put schoolage children with single moms so that you can work while they are in school. I do not WANT to have a schoolage kid. Not yet. I want to do the babytoddler thing, thanks.

So, anyways, there was more today, but that's enough



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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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