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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Wednesday, Jun. 28, 2006 - 2:49 p.m.

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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

She's Back!

Well, Dangarama... smiley girl is back!!

That is what artsyguy noted this morning when he was kissing me goodbye after breakfast.

I dunno. Maybe it is me still wanting to be with him despite his being depressed and cranky and impatient and yelling and all those things he knows he does? Maybe cuz now he feels maybe I DO love him and not just some idea of him? Maybe it is because he is on vacation?

But anyways, it has been going great. I do feel that both of us are more realistic about the other now, and more understanding of who we are. Taking things less personally , seeing reactions more as an aspect of that person's repertoire of personality than something we provoke ourselves or a reflection of ourselves. And I know that I personally feel more believing when he says "I love you" than when he said it the first month or two. I always felt " but you don't know me!!" or "you won't anymore when you know me". And now I guess both of us have seen less attractive sides of the other and still want to be there. So I think that is a relief.

But anyways, I also feel relieved that the waffling has stopped. I am not getting mixed signals anymore from him. He is being affectionate on a consistent basis, and calling to hang out. Being clear when he wants time alone to do his stuff. Saying "I love you" instead of keeping his lips together. Etc.

And wonder of wonders, we had UNHURRIED good sex. Twice in 12 hours. not interrupted with "oh, can we go get a coffee" or "I'm sleepy can we stop" or anything. It wasn't unconnected or just physical getting off. It was so nice. Like way back when.

So yeah, I was smiling after breakfast. And he said "she's back! Smiley girl is back". yup.

Last weekend I was smiling a bit when we were having a nice time at the barbecue party, and he said "oh, it's happy girl. She's a relative of smiley girl" . heh.

I am glad. Smiley girl is back.

and she has learned the guitar chords A, Am, A7, (B chords are really hard so I wont say I "know them), C, D, Dm, D7, E, Em, E7, (F is hopeless for now), G, G7.

heh! In a week and a half. I am learning the song Saskatchewan. It was too funny to hear people singing that at the Quebec National Fete (holiday). And "Love me Tender" (sappy but has the notes in it I know), "Theme from Romeo and Juliet" (Bacharach), and some Cat Stevens. Learning. It is fun.

back to work!
smiley girl.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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