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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Monday, Nov. 24, 2003 - 5:59 a.m.

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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Spanish Wax at the Fetish Cafe

hmm, strangely, the date DID show up on the actual entry page, though not in my template for my last entry (the friday five which I did today, Sunday night).

So, I thought I'd put an entry about going out last night. If you don't like bdsm/fetish and all that you should just leave now, ok? thanks.

Anyhowz, I managed to get out of my warm cushy jeans and sweatshirt outfit and have a shower... an actual water running over my whole body shower. I think that is the third time I havent just done a washup since August. Yeah, filthy I know. But I do wash on getting up every single morning. I smell darn nice.

And I did get dressed up appropriately for the reopening party of the Fetish Cafe (it has changed its name back from the Funhouse... yay!)... even though it was chillywilly outside. I wore my black lace teddy with garters, and of course my newly resoled dainty armytype black boots. Now since they have shitstompin soles, I needed something to transition between them and the black lace, so I wore my red and black stripey stockings, which are kinda funky and sexy at the same time. And I wore my tiny red and black gstring ob gave me for my birthday... to add a little more red. I tried on my fulllength black leather gloves (yes, the slapthedoorman gloves) but they seemed to vanish into the black of my teddy, so I went with their sister pair, the white leather gloves. Very nice. I topped it all off with black eye makeup, red lipstick and my black leather collar with metal skulls on it. funky.

So, all dressed up AND someplace to go (thanks to my ex, M.Latex, who is witness to the fact that it is helpful to get back on good terms with your exes, even if at one point you wanted to give them an uppercut to the balls and then kick them to death... yes, since he is the only person who even let me know about last night, and he called with a formal invitation. Yup. His girlfriend was working the bar there. She is a dish... too femmey for me though!).

So, I can attest to the fact that the Funhouse has improved 500% in changing to the Fetish Cafe. Total makeover from A-Z... before it looked like a breakfast club and now it looks like a fetish club with dungeon, complete with a fake stone wall and wall sconces, gargoyles and black velvet. It is very nice, cozy, seems to have doubled in size, which just goes to show they used the space well. The dungeons in the basement ARE bigger, cuz they opened up areas that were closed to the public before.

Big turnout... lots of people including friends from out of town. Since it isnt officially open til next week, pretty much only people I knew were there. It was a real blast. Fun fun. I got a free back massage from someone, and I actually got to play!

Yes, I went down to watch people a bit and ChaosX who was playing with Mr.Engineer said she wanted to torture me a bit, to stick around. So I did. I got tied down onto the medical table in a semi-reclining position, with my arms handcuffed behind the small of my back, and my eyes blindfolded. The blindfold was tied behind the back support of the table instead of behind my head, so it was a lovely restraint at the same time as visual deprivation. Very good idea.

So I got some clothespins, and a bit of crop... it is funny how some people either hunger for the pain of punishment or shrink away from it... I find that the different stimuli brings me to a new awareness of my body. I find it is like going to restaurants of different cultures and seeing how the different textures and tastes and smells feel on your tastebuds... some good, some bad, some spicy, some soft, some hot some sweet... and I find that physical sm play is alot like that... I welcome the contrasts and surprises... it engages my head, which is at attention listening to the nerve endings of my body... How something can start off as a slight tap, and then as it builds up the nerves overload and it becomes sting, and then it goes from being on the skin surface to spreading through the body...

If you don't shrink from it, or have fear, you can sink into it, and it will dissipate through your body like a good meal does... the different courses adding up, and you notice your humour changing, and the worries of the day melting away... your body relaxing into the soup and the salad, the crunch of the croutons and the smart of the lemon juice on the crack in your lip, the cream sauce warming your innards and the wine softening your brain. I think that it is much like that.

Anyways, while she was tapping on my thighs and then my calves, my shoulders and my upper chest (the muscle part), the slight pressure from the clothespins intensified into almost pain. When she took them off the feeling came back into the pinched skin and radiated little warm points into my body.

I was glad that ob never really topped me. It meant i could do this and not cringe or feel overly vulnerable. At one point I did have a vision of ob between my thighs, looking up at me, but I swept it away, since this play was not sexual, whereas ob was. That was good to be able to be in the moment, not missing her. Though I did think of how wonderful it would have been if we were still together and she couldve watched, or I couldve called and told her all about it. Such a waste. hmmm.

One noticeable thing was when she leaned over with fresh lemon on her tongue and lips and kissed me... the tang of the lemon causing me to pucker and salivate. It was such a strong fruit taste, a surprise! mmm.

After the crop, I got hot wax from a candle on my upper chest (what IS the name for that... you know where gorillas hit... not really my breasts)... in little dribbles that were like tiny pellets of hot raining onto me... it made my toes wiggle and made me squirm in my seat. Of course i cannot see when it is coming, so sometimes the lack of sensation, the waiting time, is as squirmy as the actual wax (which doesnt really hurt but is like little prickles). Afterwards i got little drops of ice water which is somewhat similar in feeling. Made me smile.

I did think of ob while she was putting the wax.. it made me think of me playing with wax with her, and how i had hoped to use wax on her the last time we were together. And suddenly as the wax fell I could see the table where the wax was, the hookah on it, the candles on the candelabra, and the little round mirror, and ob in front of the mirror getting ready for her date with someone else. As the wax fell on me tears fell from my eyes. It was alright and cathartic to cry. ChaosX knows it is ok.

All in all very good and fun. At the end, when she was brushing the wax off my body ( and had assured me when asking if I felt like wax, that she wouldnt get any on my lace!), she undid the blindfold, and it turned out that it was something lace, as she unfolded it and draped it over my whole face. I could see some light through it, but I had this sense of black lace over my head and shoulders and I felt suddenly like a spanish lady from a Goya painting, elegant and surrounded by curlicued metal railings on plastered balconies. It was really beautiful and evocative. mmm.

She thought that part was funny... she said it looked like I was in mourning, not a Spanish lady!

anyways, that was my evening. A very nice night, and many people I know, great space, and the time flew by. ah! :)

End of Tonight's Entry... now remember to read the great masses of them since Thurs or Friday or whatever! Byebye!

Goodnight to me,

da wench

Here is my horoscope for Sunday, November 23:

Darkness can be your friend. Move unseen through the landscape, or bundle up with your beloved in the perfect cocoon. The stars are here to offer you a fresh start.

Actually that seems to apply to any day, not just Sunday! Nice.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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