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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Wednesday, Mar. 29, 2006 - 12:18 p.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Running on a Treadmill

Fuckity fuckity.

There is nothing like taxes to make a good mood turn into that sort of feeling where your skull is too tight. Yup. Lovely.

Anyways, cheques for all the work I did for the tv commercial and packaging have not arrived yet. But the accountant was by. And yes, I owe all of it and more. About $13,000. Yup. That is how much TAXES I owe. More than I used to make in a year.

Money going out, money going out, always in the hole. I really really thought that with the tv commercial work I was going to get out of the hole. But instead I will be $3000 more in the hole than I was a month ago.

And yet, during that month I have written out postdated cheques for promo pages for my work, paid $500 deductable on my insurance, paid $160 to the plumber, and have another $400 to go. Dog and cats will need checkups and vaccinations and flea stuff soon. I WAS considering getting recertified to do climbing at the climbing gym to get back into shape. I should go to the dentist.

I kind of regret buying that new winter coat (thank god it is a multi-season coat... the liner zips out and it makes a waterproof windjacket).

Now I wish I had written an entry last night, or even earlier this morning. I was in a great mood, cuz I was feeling all productive. I finished the hug book drawings, I sent off my last work for the adult ed client, I vacuumed again, I cleaned up the whole front yard, I sprayed all the plants against bugs. I really felt great.

Somehow all that goes down the drain when I feel like I am working like a crazy person and staying in the hole. glll. Every time I try to earn more money to get a handle on my credit margin, the taxes takes the extra. If I spend less, I have less deductable expenses, and pay more taxes. If I earn less, I just stay in the hole paying interest. I dunno. It is a tuff one.

I wanted to earn more $ to adopt a kid, and take some time off when they arrive. And also cuz I'll have less time to work with a child. But I can't even get out of the hole, let alone put $ aside. shit and caboodles. And now I have no work on the horizon. I need more work. Highpaying work, so I can put a couple cheques entirely towards ONLY income tax and debt, and zero towards eating and clothes and rent. Goddamn.

And as my accountant left, I asked her if she could do a quick workup of how much less tax I would pay if I had a child as a single mom. She said IT IS NOT DEDUCTABLE, a child. there is NO LONGER any consideration of having a kid on the taxes!! AAAAGH!! apparently there is some family allowance thing you get in the mail, and she says with my revenue this year, I will get about $80 a month. WHAHAHAHAH!!! I will still pay $13,000 in income tax and get $80 a month?... what is that going to buy? Some diapers? A pair of shoes? It won't pay childcare or food, or bicycles or learning to play piano or ski. As a single mom? And of course everything is based on the PREVIOUS year's income. So if I work like a fool this year and try to put $ away, they will tax me really high, AND consider that I need like zero help with the kid, even if the year that I get the kid I earn peanuts and take time off. That is great. I take time off, have zip income, new expenses, and get zip cuz the PREVIOUS year I made $. It is all insane.

The trick seems to be to earn below $30,000 a year. Then the income tax bill is like $5000 not $13,000. Really. $13,000. That is 32% of my takehome pay. Yup. Well, there is the rents but they go 100% to the mortgage on the building. So I am taxed on that $ but never see it. OK, maybe in 20 yrs when the mortgage is paid off and I sell the building. yay. In the meantime somehow I have to pay the taxes on that rental income, pay the mortgage AND pay the repairs. I had dreams of redoing the roof this year. And fixing the back balcony that is so rotted that my foot goes through it, and weeds grow in the wood. hah. hah. hah.

OK, so much for that cheery entry.
Sorry. Last night when I was in a good mood, I just went for a coffee, and then read a novel in bed, instead of writing an entry. Me bad. hah.

OK, end of rant.

Maybe another day I'll write about something more fun, less stressful and more entertaining, with a better sense of humour. Now I will TRY to enjoy the sun with the dog in the park. hah.

As I cross "bedding plants" off my list of things I can afford to buy.

running on a treadmill.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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