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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Thursday, Oct. 06, 2005 - 5:05 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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Losing the Alternative Funky Kid, and Wet Plaster

Dang I am just tired.

I didn't get my comics page done today.

I talked on the phone to various people, including the insurance guy and the upstairs tenant.

I woke up around noon (not quite enough sleep considering I finished the black and white work for South Korea and packed it up to send last night).......... and went to pee.......... and stepped on a WET carpet........ and there were little round white spots....... and looked up........ and there was wet bumpy plaster on the ceiling corresponding to the pattern of white spots....... which I smelt (the spots, not the ceiling)..... and it smelled like soap. I stood on a chair and poked...... the ceiling, not the chair...... and yes it was all wet and goopy.


Let us refresh our memories. In June I had water dripping from my ceiling onto my head and it was the thirdfloor tenant who had left her tap running and the sink plugged. And it still isn't fixed. No construction workers in sight. (the dossier is on the desk of the guy at the insurance company...youpee).

So now the secondfloor tenant's showerstall apparently got the drain blocked again. It didn't overflow he says. But it filled up. And that stain in the corner of the stall? Apparently it is not a stain, not calcium, rust and lime to get rid of with CLR... no, it is some sort of calking that was used to fill some crack in the side of the showerstall. Who knew! So, it might have leaked from there. OR it might have leaked around the screws holding the walls to the base of the showerstall (why oh why would someone use metal screws in designing a shower stall... that go through HOLES?) OR the drain may be leaking and clogged and whatever.

But yes, the ceiling in the BATHROOM is now all wet, just to match the ceiling in the kitchen from before. At this rate, all the rooms will need the ceilings fixed before mid May I figure. And it will be completed before taxday 2007 I'm guessing.

So, I went back to bed, after calling the insurance company, who assure me that they will get someone on it... after all the guy is bound to take another shower. agh. Did I sleep? You bet your effin little booty I did not sleep. I tossed and turned. gllll

And then I had a superduper downer all day.

Feeling like I finish one contract and must replace my computer... net gain 0$.
Then I finish another contract and must replace a shower stall and half the floor and ceiling. ...possible net gain for two months work? $!000. maybe.

Is this helping me get out of debt, and put money aside to take time off for adopting a child? No it is NOT.

Each time something like this happens, I don't see wet plaster and insurance forms. Those aren't so scary. I see financial ruin, followed by being old, grey, lonely and childless foreverafter. Yes it is a far leap, but really, why would they give $ to a woman who cannot even afford regular repairs on her building? Or have the time to work as it is?

I stressed all day. It wasn't pretty. I burst out crying in the coffeeshop underneath my hands. And then thought they'll never give a child to someone who has so little control over her outbursts of emotion in the coffeeshop.

Thankfully a guy who has been fostering kids for 18 yrs, who is in our class (he moved provinces so needs to get recertified here) told me he thinks I'll be a great mom he can tell I am passionate and involved and love kids. YAY!

I am still up in the air about this foster thing.
One of my major references and the proposed guardian of my child has refused to endorse the foster option and this freaks me out. Not to mention the foster system on my ass. Or getting a crystal meth baby. NO idea what the longterm prognosis on a meth baby is... no one seems to know, since it is a newish drug. Dang. But apparently they don't sleep for the first two years. yay.

I see bankruptcy ahead.

OK, totally gotta get off the internet and get to sleep.
I would have time to save the world if I got off the internet.

Tomorrow I take the vacuum to get fixed. And pick up biodegradable soap and clothesdetergent.
I have been a good girl and did my dishes every second day. I know the foster people think this is the equivalent of shitting in my shoes. But really. That means one bowl, one plate, one cup, a fork and a spoon. Wow. times two. wow.

But they told me tonight that i will NEED to TEACH the kid ROUTINES. So, I guess even if there is no reason to do dishes other than routines, we do routines. I love it already.

All my fantasies about successfully raising an alternative funky kid.
out the window like so much pot smoke.

... bet they won't like Disappearing Boy smoking pot on the back step eh.
oh oh.


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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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