Quote of the Day

Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Thursday, Nov. 06, 2003 - 4:33 a.m.

Mmm, wow, I am nearly not as stressed. nearly not. What does that mean?? mmm? It means that my shoulders only creep up to my ears (that I notice) only ever 15 minutes instead of every three. That the shaky feeling in my spine between my shoulderblades up to my occiput is not so noticable (oh how I know and recognize that feeling from years ago when I worked at jobs that sucked me dry and got me up too too early). My hands feel not so shaky, and I move around less in my chair, trying to get rid of the aches in my hips and lower back.

It means that I am thinking a little slower, and don't cringe at the idea of the phone ringing. Or maybe I do! Demanding demanding, that telephone.

Electric eel, copyright 2003 Wench77

I actually got almost all the drawings colored in with greytones before I had to go to the bar tonight. I still have 2 to do and 3 others to finish, but that is not a problem. They need to be sent fedex by 5 tomorrow. No sweat. So I actually got to feel relaxed there.

I am putting in this entry some samples of my US work... all nasty things in nature! First that was an electric eel... apparently you need rubber gloves to handle them. The second is a bald eagle stealing from a hard-working osprey. Yes, the symbol of the United States is a nasty thief who picks on smaller birds!

Bald eagle attacking osprey for its fish, copyright 2003 Wench77

These are from a book that won't be printed for quite awhile, but since it is #13 in a series, many are already available, with great titles like "Creepy Critters", "World's Weirdest Gadgets", "Bizarre Bugs" etc. Check them if you are into Ripley's Believe it or Not!... you too can know as many (or more since I don't read all the photographer's entries, mostly only the ones I have to illustrate) bizarre facts as I do!

Stingray, copyright 2003 Wench77

This one is a sting-ray, who apparently lies on the ocean floor hidden in sand. A large stingray has a venomous spine of up to one foot long on its spine. Beware.

Bubonic plague, copyright 2003 Wench77

And I've saved the best for last... the bubonic plague! yes, otherwise known as the black death. It is still around, you see, and carried by the Oriental rat flea, which in turn has the bacilli we see here. Sorry but my sorry ass couldn't figure out how to draw circles and lines on that with either Photoshop or Illustrator (there should be small circle around the tiny flea, leading to the large flea in a circle, and a small circle around it's mouth parts leading to a large circle containing the bacteria. Oh well... that is what graphic artists are for!...and thus the rush to get it fedexed to him tomorrow!) I shan't say anything about the plague, since coincidentally Meeyapede, bless her dark historical heart, has written a whole essay on it in her last entry! Go read it and shiver! mmm! yes. Doesn't a plane flying into a building seem a little less earth-shattering now? And the funny thing is that although 75% of the population of some cities died and were littering the streets, we've gotten over it. (yes that is a sigh of exasperation about the "war on terrorism").

So, anyhewz, now you know what I'm working on madly... coloring in greytones on 55 drawings like that... And so I got to the bar tonight late (well 10:20 pm) and was happy to find that the show had JUST started. What a great show. We were treated to two fashion segments by different designers (I am totally MORE into dark gothic fetish clothes than modern raver fetish clothes), a kick-ass spoken word piece where the girl starts off by talking about her broken heart, and ends by saying that her ex taught her what LOVE IS NOT, and now she has become an activist for GREAT SEX and LOVE... mmm, fun... very spunky (I'm not quite there yet). There was an absolutely hysterically funny piece where a woman spoofed reading her broken heart poetry (a brilliant mix of sappy, horrid flowery metaphors and "fuck you gary!!") while she sobbed and sappy music played in the background. A spicy dance number to "Lollipop lollipop", a play piercing with peacock feathers on the needles (gorgeous.. and the girl was dressed sort of like a flapper), and my friend Chatalie's classic "jerking off my iron dick with a metal grinder, finishing with a fire explosion orgasm" which brought down the house. A solid hour and a half of show. Oh, yeah! and me! heehee! That went very well too, and everyone loved my rubber corset. I got compliments on the excellent change in demeanor from slave to domme. yay again.

Aak, 6:30 am yes, somehow it has become 6:30 am again, so plans to go to bed at 5am are cancelled. Partly working on the html on this page, and partly I got a phone call from Tom of Vermont (who thankfully has refrained from reading my diary ... he says... in the past couple days)... fun to chat with, but he says I misrepresent things in my diary so is problematic to read anyways. I asked "misrepresent how?" and he said "you said I was attracted to you but you didnt mention you were attracted to me". I guess that is true. He is rather cute and charming and we have a lot in common. However I guess I write "attracted to" someone when I feel oooooh I want to get in their pants, or I get all blushy and goofy around them. Whereas I am so self-protective that I can go "hmm, goodlooking and enjoyable to talk to/spend time with". Really, if I am attracted in the manner of saying "I AM ATTRACTED", I will probably be rubbing up against someone that very night. yes. I am not a slow mover. So there, I have set the balance at zero... "we found each other attractive". But I made it clear on the phone tonight (despite his "are you going to argue with God?" line)... haha, the question is do I, at 6am, feel like arguing whether there is a god to argue with to start with??... I made it clear that right now I am going to stick with my path of dealing with my sadness and pain, my creative outpourings and projects that are left over with ob before I embark on anything new. And that means, getting over it, and THEN spending some time single and liking my life alone, and THEN being ready to start something new. I am NOT going to override my self-protectiveness this time like I have done before. I will not end up in bed with someone crying that it is not someone else. Or being there with someone, moving forward physically, and moving away internally. urk. So there. End of Tom of Vermont entry bit.

As for ob, I am turning into ob. Not eating properly, drinking Corona, smoking the hookah, whitening my teeth (someone complimented me on them the other day... said they were much whiter and asked what I use), and having nothing proper in the house to eat... tonight I had some pasta cuz there was no peanut butter, no munchies (I ate the last lost package of instant peaches and cream oatmeal). Deary me.

AAGH!! I just had a fleeting thought that maybe my horoscope from Tuesday was two and a half days late, and this was my opportunity I turn down... this guy from Vermont. Oh well, tough shit. I am not ready. And not another American, let alone a straight boy American. All that border shit. And I can't share my dyke stuff with a boy. I want a boi. not a boy. Oh dear, that brings tears to my eyes again. I am just not over this at all. byebye must go now. til tomorrow... zzzzzzz

Here is my horoscope for Wednesday, November 5:

Changes in your surroundings influence the person that you are. There are ways to enjoy a situation that might drive others crazy. Keep company with the friends that best match your temperament.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009

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