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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Wednesday, Mar. 03, 2004 - 3:56 a.m.

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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Somewhere Inside of You

A couple quotes from SquirrelX's place:

"Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?"
__Fanny Brice

"Never be haughty to the humble; never be humble to the haughty."
__Jefferson Davis

Well, here is another letter to ob for now.

Ob. I hope you will find yourself. I know that in you there is this intelligent caring wonderful person. The one who asks how people feel, and listens to them. The one who lends a shirt to someone chilly. Who gives her socks to someone whose shoes hurt. The one who admires the girl who picked the quiet unassuming boy to go out with, and not the bigshot winner of the dating show.

I know that in you is someone who has deep thoughts. Who questions religious truths and sees through the obvious lies to the person within. I know that in you is someone who thinks and considers and cares about the world.

I know that in you is someone who has a sense of right and wrong, of justice and ethics. Someone who cares about the impact of her behaviour and words. Who knows right from wrong and wants the world to be a better place. Someone who has convictions and will eat horrid grilled cheese because of her beliefs instead of something tastier but less ethical.

I know that in you is someone who is full of life and creativity. Who loves art and sculpture, clothing and music. Someone who loves to dance and eat, to make love and create beautiful surroundings. Who loves harmony and beauty and the zen of the wind and trees, water and plants.

I know that in you is someone so loving. Who is afraid of hurting or losing those she cares about. Who is loyal and faithful and willing to stand by those she cares of. Even attack to defend them if she must. Someone who accepts people even if they annoy and irritate her.

I know that in you is someone thoughtful and considerate. Someone who thinks things through, and is reflective and introspective. Someone who can look at herself instead of being nasty and defensive and closed to criticism.

I know that in you is someone communicative who can say how they feel, and their observations in a succinct and effective manner.

I know that in you is someone who can be laissezfaire and easy going, fun and devil may care, enough to counteract the hardworking workaholic side, and to make vices into virtues of creativity and fun.

I know that in you is someone dedicated and devoted to service and work, whom I admire.

I know you are all that. As well as beautiful and lovely and attractive.

You have lots of problems that seem to be coming out now more and more. It makes me sad to see this confusion and self-destruction, the craziness of constantly changing desires and words, the lies that arent lies because three seconds ago it was the truth... just the truth changed in three seconds. The loneliness and isolation and drinking and anger, the nasty mean words and lashing out. Self-medicating to get through the day. Not eating properly, overextending yourself, letting the external run your life and casting you adrift to grab onto whatever offers you stability.

I hope I hope you can find something to help you. I am not saying this in a "you need meds, you stupid fucker" mean way. I am saying this as a friend who sees you are not ok. I want you to get help. To get a therapist. To stop drinking. To see if you DO need meds to replace the drinking and the smokes and the not eating etc etc. I HAVE asked doctors and therapists, you know, and no, I don't need meds right now, but I have many friends that are on them. And they are acting less crazy than you with out them, you know.

I hope that some year you will be ok again. Strong and creative, loving and whole, trustworthy, and with love and friends and song and joy in your life. That is what I want for you, ob. I hope you will always know that.

love,

wench77

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009

 

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