Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing
Monday, Oct. 11, 2004 - 10:34 p.m.
WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.
Long Wordy Parental Dispatches Never Mean any Well
So, while I was out, my father sent me a 9 page letter by fax. Hmmm... vote's out. Should I read it.
Let me see. The last times he sent me long letters it was to tell me how I was this fucked up person alone and disliked in the world who would only be accepted back into his family if I changed myself to his liking.
The last times I walked out on my mother or hung up on her (I really can see they either learned the same communications skills at home, or picked them up from each other or something) she sent me long "you are a fucked up miserable ass who better shape up or ship out" letters.
I end up ranting in my head if not aloud for days or years.
So, Do I read it, hoping maybe he has gone back to being the semi-changed somewhat reasonable post-therapy, post-angermanagement class guy he was shaping up to be a coupla years ago, and hope it sets some sort of middle ground?
Or do I put it aside and read it years from now, maybe saving myself tons of grief, but also maybe depriving myself of any apology it perhaps contains.
The weird thing is both my parents rant about their childhoods, each other other people, and then tell me I am negative and defensive and need to grow up and get over it.
And most of my therapists have told me I seem to have been born mature. Yes I get angry, but in almost every case they said "now that was a situation where the appropriate response would be anger".
Hmmm. well, yeah. I'll write more later.
Going out with doggies...IFF she isn't limping too badly... I cut a hard candy (strawberry or cherry I think) out from between her footpads... it was totally stuck to the hair and causing her to limp. But she is walking worse now that it is out rather than better. Dang. Had to leave her, and get the doggy trailer to fetch her home this afternoon. So we will ATTEMPT doggy walkies now...
Give me your two cents worth people.
aaaaah, you know I am too curious and snoopy to not read it. It is more a question of when.
cheers,
wenchola patola
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previous meanderings - future past
Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009
