Wednesday, Jun. 08, 2005 - 3:15 a.m.
Cost of the War in Iraq
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Gay Parent Fostering?
Hmmm, fostering yeah.
It is very different.
Here is an article about how the anglophone youth services here are reaching out to gay families.
You know, I'd be pretty good with dealing with children who have baggage, abusive parents, were angry and self-mutilating, I would. Hell, it sort of sounds like most of the people I've gone out with. Frightening but true. One problem kid after another.
OK not all, but most. Actually the ones the hardest for me to get along with are the nice ones with normal parents who don't understand that everything isn't hunky dory with everyone in the world. Having nice normal parents, enough money, all the help you need, and maybe even a housekeeper and a nanny does not predispose one to understanding others. Or to understanding poverty, or depression, or personality holding oneself back etc.
The problem with going out with these types is 1) they should be adults, not have me mothering them. 2) they get real resentful if you do help them 3) from a lover and partner, I expect mutual support, not one-way support. I expect them to talk with me, discuss projects, not make unilateral decisions, be open about their emotions, and have an affection/ sex life.
I do not have the same expectations of a child. And one is supposed to mother a child. And if you look to a kid for mutual decision making, and support for your emotional and sex life, you are fucked up. (yes kids should participate in decisions, but are scarcely in a spot to decide the family budget, the sleep schedule, the meals etc).
So I don't know. If I am not solid as a rock myself within myself, I may be rejected. That is very likely. On the other hand, I am pretty rock solid when it comes to others. In fact that is one reason why people screw me around... they seem to expect that I will always be there, am so dependable and reliable that they CAN screw me around and I'll stay cuz I love them, and they feel secure. How many times have I heard "but I never thought you'd leave me!" after some adult pulls something totally unacceptable in a love partnership. Jeesh.
But I don't know... I don't plan to travel across the continent to have romantic trysts with a child, so they can scarcely stand me up. They CAN pull all sorts of shit, up to and including saying they don't want to live here, so I suppose I CAN get dumped by a child. Would that hurt? of course it would. Hmmm.
Fostering. It really is a different gig. The kid has been removed from the parent's care. If the parent just gets pregnant and gives the child up, then the kid goes directly into the adoption circuit (which has a 7-10 yr waiting list)... in the fostercare are the kids who are abused, neglected, abandoned, but the parent has not terminated parental rights, so they are a temporary ward of the state.
The parents aren't out of the picture. I would not be "the parent". I would be the foster mom. The parents might have visitation rights, may phone, show up at the door or the kids' school etc. The kids know the parents, and the "you aren't my mother" will definitely be true. It is sort of like fulltime babysitting for parents who are out drinking, stuck in prison, or just don't come home.
I once babysit these three kids for three days. Their mom was supposed to come back in the mid to late afternoon the third day. She didn't come home that night. I think she came home before noon the next day. The kids were freaked. Where is mom where is mom. She isn't coming home. She doesn't love us anymore. Dealing with someone negligent's kids is quite something.
It is not the same as adopting even an older child, who knows they are up for adoption, that they aren't going back with the parent who gave them up. The kid may have every expectation of going back to the parents and want to go. OR alternately the kid may worry they will have to go back to the parents and not want to go. I would not have legal rights to make any decisions. They would be a ward of the state, or the parents. I couldn't leave the province with them, change their school or make healthcare decisions. I don't think I can even sign for school trips. It is a weird thing fosterparenting.
It is sort of like being certified for a fulltime daycare, is what it is. A sort of public house for kids, not a private family where all are legally relatives like in adoption. hmmm.
Well, much to think about much to think about.
I was going to write more but somehow now it is 5:30 am.
oh, I should just write a little blurb... New Boy is now out of the possible boyfriend running. Had a little political discussion with him today when he came by the coffeeshop. Apparently he sees no problem with Quebec becoming its own country, or Canada breaking up. He seems to think that Canada is perhaps a nice ideal that doesn't work. I am not quite sure how he sees this. If you ask me, on an international scale, Canada works swimmingly. In the past ten years since the separation referendum, things have settled down, and if you ask me, most Canadians, in and out of Quebec, are just getting on with life, and in a most non-freakout way, unlike the Americans.
I don't know many Canadians who are afraid, who are freaking about lack of jobs (ok ok, those Maritimers who are still clinging to a hope that their once but no longer fishing communities will somehow become viable again), we aren't freaking about terrorism, sending our youth overseas to be blown to smithereens, we aren't freaking about gay marriage... just a few MPs but in general, province after province (currently 7 of 10) has made gay marriage legal with absolutely zero public outcry. Just gays getting married. living quietly. adopting children. having their jobs and lives with their neighbors. Really. Not an issue for most people at all. We aren't freaking about drugs. Most people smoke a little pot and realize it isn't the downfall of society. We aren't freaking about how everyone should have the right to carry guns in their pockets... in fact most Canadians don't have a gun, don't want a gun, aren't afraid that they will be shot. If you are, you're most likely a criminal, or a hunter. Everyone else doesn't have a gun issue. None.
We are concerned about healthcare, yes, but hell, despite crowding in emergency room halls, for most things we can get free care. Our roads are pretty good. We have clean water to drink. We aren't dying of communicable diseases by the gazillions, we can mostly walk on our streets which are mostly clean.
Canadians don't freak about illegal immigrants as much as potholes. If you ask me, that says something about the quality of life here, the level of tolerance. We are more worried about homegrown freaks like that pig farm guy who killed all those women in BC, and Karla Homolka who will be out of prison soon than we are about funny arabs with shifty eyes who want to steal our "liberty". We have more liberty than the States. Most of use don't think of social benefits as the doings of satan. Most of us go to church or not quietly without insisting that church and politics are intermeshed... in fact most of us are happy not to have a theocracy whether of the christian or muslim kind.
We have scandals of overpayment of advertising agencies for god's sake, not scandals of beating people to death, disappearing people, etc with the knowledge and consent of our attorney general. OK there was the Ahrar fiasco. But compared to most countries in the world, our dastardly politicians are um, kind of as frightening as a woodtick.
Anyhews. New Boy and I do not see eye to eye. If you ask me, he needs to travel more.
Interestingly enough later in the evening Disappearing Boy called, and what comes out of his mouth re politics and people jives with my attitudes. Disappearing Boy HAS travelled. Worked and lived elsewhere. It helps.
OK, so much for New Boy.
I have new photos of the yard. But it is too late to put them up. I will NOT do like last night and get to bed at 7:30 am. Now I shall go to bed NOW. yes NOW. tah!
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previous meanderings - future past
Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
*inspired by Chaosdaily