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Sunday, Apr. 04, 2004 - 7:24 p.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

But do you HAVE a child??

Ouch ouch.

I just spoke with an author of a book I am working on. I said that I found the way that the kid spoke to the other kid at the end was not so nice. I wouldnt have minded in the middle of the book, but the whole book is about kids picking sides, betraying friendships to chose better players on a team in order to win, vs sticking with their friends, etc... which is a great subject. And then at the end, all kinds of hard lessons have been learned, and the championship won (of course) and everyone has started speaking to each other again, and they are all happy to have learned the importance of team spirit. But on the last page, the last two paragraphs, the one kid who is a great player but has been put on the bench for lack of team spirit, is put down by the team captain even as they are giving out the medals.

There is absolutely no reason for this, other than it has become acceptable to put him in his place, cuz he is the one who USUALLY is not so nice. But when he was taken off of the bench after serving his time out, he played well, did not push or shove anyone, and in fact ended up getting hurt while doing a brave move, kicking the ball away from the opposing team, and passing it to one of his teammates.

So it seems to me that he should be included in the "nice warm" feelings of "we've learned team spirit" at the end. The "bad kid" was punished by having bench time for misbehaviour, and when he came back in, he had learned to pass the ball to a teammate instead of keeping it to himself as the best player, and in doing so, helped them win. AND got hurt doing so. Ie heroic in the "did my best for the team" way, and not heroic in the "made my teammates look bad by trying to be the star on my own and get the winning goal".

When the team captain, the hero of the tale who has learned team spirit, ridicules him for having intimated that he had gotten other medals before (it is the "bad kid"s first medal) so he feels sheepish about it, he also says "look at him there in his baby-poussette, looking like a big baby"... it is just mean on the captain's part. I mean, really. If your players get hurt on the field, passing the ball, and cannot walk so that they have to sit in some baby carriage someone has donated, it seems you should be concerned about their injury and shaking their hand for having helped win (esp when it is a kid who usually resorts to things like pushing... he DIDN'T when put back on the field and you would want to encourage the GOOD behaviour), not putting them down as a "baby lala" for being injured! Jeesh.

So much for the book's good lessons on team spirit and making sure that all team members are appreciated. If you are a friend and a bad player, it is important to include you. But if you are a kid who has social adjustment problems, and try to overcome them and help win the game, we can make fun of you and exclude you and laugh at you together with all those bad player friends. Nice really nice.

Oh well.

When I tried to say something, she asked if I had children.

Ouch. That is why I said ouch.

For the rest of my life in this industry I will be hearing that?? Do you have children? Um, non, I tried for 6 years, but no I don't have children. As someone who was once a child, who was the elder sister of six, who knows people with children, who used to babysit for a job, someone who illustrates children's books, someone who is an adult with a head on her shoulders, I cannot say because I do not HAVE a child.


I can just imagine if I wrote children's books. Discussing my text with people who have kids, no matter what their kids are like, quiet or bullies, mommies girls or distant and bellicose. They will always be able to pull the "do YOU have a child?" on me. Yay.

It hurts. Yes. It does. It doesn't matter how many kids I babysit, or play with, or speak to in schools, I don't HAVE a child. nope.

So there ya go.

I was reading this new book by Coup de Pouce: "Comment adopter un enfant au Québec ou ailleurs"... it just came out so had up to date info. Yup. 7-10 years for a kid in Quebec. Shorter for kids over two. Kids in the "banque mixte"... that means kids who are not really up for adoption... they have been taken away from their parents for whatever reason... and that means pretty much 100% of them are dealing with alcoholic parents, drug dealer parents, ones who beat and neglect them. And that you foster, but that at any time the parents can apply to have them back. They keep contact with the parents through court-mandated visits in the meantime.

Now I suppose this is exactly the kind of kid that needs a home. The home of someone who is a workaholic who is single, bisexual, into bdsm, and gets up at 2pm?? (hehe, I started getting up at noon two days ago, and then what happens? The time changes! urk!) I dunno.

Reading the book it looks so scary. The people say how hard it is... the home check which the people describe as "a final exam but on my whole life, not just something I studied".

I dunno. There are international agencies. Most cost up to $20,000. (the options within Quebec written above are for free). There is also the open adoptions, but those have to be done outside Quebec. For some reason Quebec is the only province that doesn't have this, which is what Dan Savage and his boyfriend did, in his book "The Kid", which which they have spoken about quite alot. They put themselves into a bank of possible parents at an adoption agency, where the mothers can chose the parents themselves. The babies are usually newborns since the mom's chose while they are pregnant. It can be pretty fast, but I'd have to go out of province.

The one good thing about that would be that I could be totally up front about myself and my lifestyle and the mother would be CHOOSING me, not against me.

I read through all the questions they ask, and the ones I would have the hardest time with is backup people. Yup. No sisters, brothers, mother, grandmother, aunts, cousins, etc to provide backup to me. No lover, partner, wife, husband. Few friends. Most of my friends either have kids and are really busy or live far away. Or they don't want don't like kids. AND live far away. I so wish my mom hadn't skipped town within four months of me deciding I was going to stop trying to get pregnant. I think part of her moving was all her dreams of being a grandma being dashed. But if she had stuck around for me to go through the infertility grieving, she could be here when I adopted. But now I am back to square one and worse. In 1995 when I started trying, I had friends with one child (who now have two), who were willing to be guardians. I had a best friend (who broke up with her lover and disappeared off the face of the earth in 2000) who loved kids and who was willing to be an auntie. I had another good friend with a small child who wanted to help me with the pregnancy stuff... she is now a tenured professor, a head of a university department, with a teenager at home, and lives 2000 miles away. Yay. I am just screwed. I have less help for baby than when I was 25. Shit anyways.

Dan Savage's boyfriend is a "stay at home parent". yup.

Well all of this just makes me cry. I don't feel like crying.

I do so well now that so many of my friends' kids are teenagers and thus they are free again (the friends), or not having kids and so I don't feel left out. And I'm working on my projects and busy. And then those "Do you HAVE kids??" come in and go "ouch". OUCH.


It is snowing outside.

Gotta take doggies for a walk.

She'll be so happy.

My videotron server is still screwed. In three days I have received 40 emails whereas I normally receive over 100 a day. Emails won't go out either. youpee. I feel so "connected" until it doesn't work. hehe.



"To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain and play with it."

__Charlie Chaplin

"Nothing that grieves us can be called little:by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size."

__Mark Twain

"Look at every path closely and deliberately.
Try it as many times as you think necessary.
Then ask yourself, and yourself alone the question,
'Does this path have a heart?'
If it does, the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use."

__Carlos Castaneda

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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