Tuesday, Feb. 28, 2006 - 12:01 a.m.
Cost of the War in Iraq
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Sometimes a little something, like a word or a phrase on someone's blog...
like "cute as a button"
will bring it all back.
Having a guy burst into funny little songs to reassure me, cuz he liked me lots and said he was falling in love with me:
"Don't stop picking to try and please me...
(to the tune of "don't go changing...")
Yes, a guy who held my hands, both my hands, at the breakfast table, and in bed while sleeping at night all cuddled up.
A guy who told me I was cute as a button.
Being so happy I couldn't stop smiling, and would grin while kissing, and he would say "kiss the smile".
Having kids to play with the dog... sitting after supper at the table, with the smell of homecooked food in the air, with my guy, while the girl played with my childhood dolls on the floor of my wouldbe baby room, and the boy sat at my desk drawing with my pens. An instant family.
Planning meals for three or four instead of eating the same thing for four days in a row, cuz recipes are for four, not one.
Carrying my doggy up the two flights of stairs to his place, and his kids and their friends laying on the floor with her. How happy she was even though she couldn't climb the stairs herself.
Planning on taking climbing lessons together (I just need a belaying renewal). Planning on dinners with my friends in couples, and me in a couple. Instead of being the odd man out.
Making an appointment to get checked for stds to have unprotected sex, to be fluid bonded.
Getting introduced to family, staying over at Christmas, answering his mom's questions and discussing him with his sister. Looking at his dad's paintings. They all liked me.
It is so weird now. Like some dream I had a few months ago. It seems so surreal. Now I just think of backs turned, faces closed, whining defensive voice accusing me, keys given back. Lives back in their separate boxes of individual households. Doors closed.
I have sort of settled back into my day to day life.
But every once in awhile a phrase in a blog, like
"cute as a button"
will bring it all back, and I will cry with tears and snot running down my face.
The instafamily. Here today and gone tomorrow.
... like touching icy heat once ...
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Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
*inspired by Chaosdaily