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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Saturday, Nov. 12, 2005 - 8:05 p.m.

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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Mood Switch in the Middle


I swear, my life is just based around me having bad interactions.

I suppose that is a stupid thing to say since last night I had a great time... got all dressed up, went out to a friend's place for another friend's birthday... it was a girl's party! Most of them were married with kids, or no kids, but most were also bi, or at least bi-open. It was fun.

But I had a hard time getting hold of Seite and her girlfriend. They gave me their cellphone # and then left the cellphone in their B&B. They left me the B&B # and then went out to eat. They said they'd call around 8-9pm to the party I was at so we could all meet up to go dancing. They DID call around 9:30, just as I was despairing that the party girls were going to leave en masse to go out, and then we'd have no way to connect, but before I could figure out from the gals where we were going, we got cut off by an incoming call, and they didn't call back.

So then I was all antsy... they are in town for only 4 days, and we hadn't planned how to meet up agh.

Dang. Nothing like trying to coordinate two groups of people who do not stick to their plans, or even make plans that are intelligible." 'we'll meet up at 8pm and decide where to go out' and 'we'll call you just after 8 to see where to meet y'all' " turned to " 'we might stay in all night here in this apartment' and 'we left the cell at the hotel, and we didn't call cuz it was a payphone' " AGH.

Well, incredibly near midnight we got most of the girls to go out on the town, and Seite and gal did call back, and we all met up. And the place was packed with no dancing, so we went to another place... losing most everyone in the process. Finally we ended up with a few gals, Seite and girlfriend, and birthday girl included, at a drag queen place. It was pretty funny, we did get to dance a bit. My ex Mr. Black, was there... i only noticed him with some girl near the back later in the evening. Not surprising since he hangs there and lives a few blocks away. I had a great time, but near the end birthday girl, one of his exes too, went to say hi to him and when she returned she said she had invited him to sit with us but he declined. Pretty funny. At the end of the night Seite said hi to him too... she used to teach both him and me German when I was dating him. As I got my coat to leave, he and the girl were putting coats on too....

... so yeah, I said, so, ya didn't want to sit with us huh? Afraid we'd bite you? And then I


Nothing like being interrupted in the middle of a tirade about an ex, by the doorbell, and it was artsyguy! yipes!

I was going to eventually get to that bit of mixed news...

All this running around trying to get hold of my friends while they are in town, with all sorts of misses and near misses and whatever... and getting all frustrated, so I called artsyguy to see what he was up to and...

he said

"I am having a drink with my friend Julie and my kids"

Yes, his friend Julie is his ex. Or the one who may not be his ex, the one who was there when I dropped by the other night, who was sitting next to him while he slept, who kissed both him and the rollerboy goodbye on the lips, who gave me a look..... yikes. sheesh. If she's not anyone, you could invite me over to join in... oh well

So I was like, dang. Here i am alone on a saturday night trying to get together with my out of town friends, and I call up a guy and he is with a girl and his kids. yeah. Maybe I can google some more on adoption.

But he said, give me a bit, can I call you back in an hour or fortyfive minutes?

Um, yeah sure!

So I ate, and was sitting here writing this when the doorbell rang.


He is like "whoof..... my ex keeps coming over and crying and wanting to see the kids etc etc etc and it is really exhausting"

wow. I really was trying to work up the nerve to ask if he was still seeing her or if she is just a friend, or if he is um, well, fooling around with her on a sort of friendly basis or whatever.

I certainly wasn't expecting him to come over to my place and spill his guts about it within seconds of walking in the door. huge surprise.

Anyways, we hung out for an hour and a half or so... he came up with a way to fix my computer table that the soldering broke on (yay!), he snooped around (yes, I like it when people snoop around. Dang, I went out with Mr. Black for 11 months and he was never interested enough to snoop around my place. We chatted. I gave him a plant. It was fun. Not exactly romantic but what the hey.

He totally amuses me cuz he does like I do... he gives all sort of explanations. I said something about wanting to learn to use a propane torch, and he described how to put two pipes together, in detail, including explaining how on a molecular level... blah blah. Can I tell you how much I love that? Dang!! ON A MOLECULAR LEVEL!! And I was asking if he'd ever noticed how a group of aphids on a plant all suck in rhythm, like a sort of wave. And he said he'd never noticed, but maybe the plant is sending out juice in a rhythm and they are following it. Now I have never had that idea... that is so cool. I have no idea if that is what happens, but it is an interesting thought, and shows someone who not only doesn't think it is stupid to notice bugs, but also thinks deeper than that and wonders about the mechanics of the plant juices! Too cool.

Anyways I burst out in a huge grin when he was like 'on a molecular level' about the coating on the pipes. Oh save me from falling for an artsyguy who talks about mechanics and molecular levels. dang!!!

So, yeah, it was great hanging out and he had to leave cuz he is exhausted and has a headache and says maybe he'll call me tomorrow and I can come over and hang with him and his kids if I want to meet his daughter (from another relationship... let's say some people are more fertile than others) before her mom picks her up.

And then when he kissed goodbye, he kissed on the lips... not like some big romantic thing, but dang, I really was expecting, 'yeah, I am still seeing julie, we are just not living together, sorry wenchie I think you're a nice neighbor but let's just be friends ok'. Not a kiss on the lips good bye, and a hug and an invite for possibly tomorrow to meet his other kid. Dang.

OK, well, that was a totally unexpected thingie and it was greatly encouraging and um, dang, let's not get my hopes up, girlie girlie. Dang. And what am I doing anyways? He's probably quite straight, and maybe very vanilla, and well, there is all those exes! Three now still in the picture! (god bless me for not getting pregnant twice with different guys and having to deal with them every weekend... ok, maybe I could trade off having to deal with exes for the blessing of having kids).

Oh, and he's 40. yay. Not 25, nor 27 nor even 34. 40. yay. thank god.

OK, I am not in a mood to continue the whining I had already started.

So I shall end it here.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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