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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Sunday, Sept. 26, 2004 - 2:46 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Reground and CoTopping rock!!

OOO! OOO! I got an email from the woman who made my knife, Gloria Hoerath... she has reground it and made it all better! So exciting.. First, a pic of the knife as it was when I sent it off so you can see the sad shape it was in:

And what it looked like before I broke it:

And finally, the photo she sent me today. You can see it is shorter, but still looks great! YAY!

Didn't she do a great job!! I am so happy about it. I might still get another one like my knife before it was reground, cuz I have a sheath handmade for it to size, and now it will be too small. And I am sure that the balance is off.. before it was perfectly balanced and fit in my hand like a dream. But I am so relieved. yay!!

So, yes, I highly recommend Dragonheart forge.

So, I went to and came back from that girls' play party tonight. I had actually, an excellent time. I was grumbling and whining that I didn't want to go til the moment I left the house. I was amused that Yogagirl exclaimed: "You can IRON too!" as I removed the wrinkles from my white button up shirt. Yes, and tie a tie as well. I was very domestic today, having blanched all the kale in my garden before I went to bed last night, and the scarlet runner beans. I did three loads of laundry today, including folding it all and putting it away, I vacuumed and washed the floor in the whole house.

God I love the floor when it is clean... wood and more wood. I took off my shoes and socks and just reveled in the feel of the smooth clean expanse beneath my toes. mmm. lovely.

Anyways, I wore a red plaid kilt skirt of course. It was the only one of the three I own I could actually get done up and breathe, but just barely. Do NOT eat too much pasta before putting on the kilt, eh. dang. I swear I am only getting fat around my middle. And my dark blue cotton kneehighs, my black schoolgirl shoes (very plain), and white button up shirt with slim dark tie. I looked very very tidy. yup. And frighteningly looked like a larger scale of myself ready for Grade One as a six year old... even the same haircut. Just no saddle oxford shoes for my pigeontoes. hehe. I wore a white cotton bra, and the only kink was the "I used to be a teenage slut" printed on the upper back of my white cotton panties. I was kind of glad not to be slutted out. Most everyone either wore fetish clothes (ie black pvc and leather) or did schoolgirl combined with black leather bra, or heels, or fishnets.

This time the party was in a commercial space owned by the boyfriend of one of the group members, instead of someone's house. It was sort of weird in that all the playspace was behind a closed door, and the food and drinks were at the entry, with some seats. I ended up sitting at the front, minding the door and chatting about flamenco, gardening, snails and piercing for the first two hours, munching on green grapes and cheese puffs, and didn't even peak into the playspace. That's sort of funny, since if it is at someone's house there is usually stuff going on in all the rooms and you can see soon after entering.

FInally a longtime very friendly acquaintance whom I have played with before arrived with a friend. I hadn't seen her in a long time so it was a nice treat. And then I was invited to co-Top with her on her newbie to the scene friend.

It was very fun. At one point the woman (who was lying face down on a massage table) said "thank you Mistress" to me, and I said "do you come to this school often?" and she said, "no, I am pretty new here", and I replied " well, I am not the Mistress, SHE is the one who puts me out in the hall for punishment cuz I am the older girl in the class who is mean to new students". It was fun.

So we stroked and patted, pinched and tapped her butt and thighs to warm her up, sometimes using our fingernails, sometimes sort of softly petting, and then did a double paddling. I also used some massage moves, sort of a pounding with fist. It sounds violent but it is a rhythmic drumming that is very relaxing to tissues and brings blood into the muscle. Part of a good Swedish Massage.

The paddling was very entertaining, as we alternated to a beat, or matched our timing together to make a coordinated whole. Very pleasing. Then I talked to the woman, and held her hands, or grasped her hair at the back, or held my hands over her eyes while my friend used a flogger on her butt, and then another stingier little whip, and she had to count to ten. It was um, very fun. I made her count loud enough to hear her, and reported to her that her Mistress was smiling, her mistress had twinkly eyes, her mistress was very happy with her, etc.

All in all, an excellent time. The woman was very happy and smiling blissfully. and my friend said that she found it went very well double-Topping with me. So we will likely do it again. I'm glad. I really did have a good time. It is sort of a glorified massage, really, esp on a massage table. Just a bit spicier. The whole interview at the start for health problems, what kind of touch the person likes, the instructions to let me take over during the massage, the warmup of body parts, then going deeper and stronger, warmdown, and energy work at the end, with aftercare, and checking in during are ALL very much like a massage. The resemblances to a bdsm scene are striking. (and so I don't get a gazillion "what is bdsm?" comments, it is an amalgam of letters meaning alternately: "Bondage and Discipline" "Dominance and Submission" "Sadism and Masochism"... and I am sure some other people put different definitions to each letter as well. Basically, consensual kinky play.

I had gotten the car just til 2am so I played and ran, so am home already at 2:10. That is a good thing. Not a nite that drags on forever. I am sad and jealous that Meanbabe and Piercergirl are getting on so well and obviously have become very close through play and life sharing, which shows by their words and actions. Oh well. I suppose it is bound to work better than with me, since they both are in long-term relationships with guys. Neither one of them goes home alone, knowing the other has a committed lover waiting for them. Oh well. Doesn't change the sort of sadness I feel. Dang. It is demonstrations of affection and engagement like that that make me have little twinges in my normally fine singledom. I will live.

I should also make a report on my two days of hijab-wearing around the town. I didn't keep it up for a whole week, only two days. I think that if I went out into the "world" longer, instead of having my staid little beat, it would have made sense to do it longer, but mostly I was hot and sweaty and didn't get much reaction. I'll report that tomorrow maybe.

Now I want to read some diaries and then go to bed so that I can get up at a reasonable hour to walk doggies and go across town for brunch with l'Ecrivaine.


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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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