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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Saturday, Nov. 15, 2003 - 8:31 p.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Saturday Smorgasbord

Hello. I'd like to link to This entry by Yeh-whatever, which has a quote on integrity. I assume it is a quote since it's in quotation marks. But I totally sympathize with its sentiments on respecting oneself and respecting others. Read it.

Next in this (i can see it coming, it will be a smorgasbord... which in Swedish actually means a table of sandwiches... ie help yourself to all the shit spread out) entry is a link to a site that sells high quality religious effigy dildoes. If you are offended by such things or under whatever age is deemed to be of majority in your area, bypass it, huh. I personally think the grim reaper one is the best, followed by the crucifix Jesus one (feet first! feet first!). Their guestbook is a fascinating read. Here is a little letter I wrote after perusing their guestbook for a bit:

If I could get "True Christians" to respect and not take in vain the things that I value (clean air, clean water, treating animals as living creatures, not meat production machines, open spaces, the environment for wild animals, liberty of expression, worship and movement just to name a few) perhaps they could be in a better position to preach respect of their valued things. I personally think it is less upsetting to stage a play rape scene with a silicone effigy of Jesus, than it is to stage a real rape of the earth by piping petroleum products across fragile ecosystems and by bulldozing and paving it to produce 6 lane highways and triple level traffic interchanges so that we can drive Hummers that will eat up said petroleum products. Of course we are all complicit on some level in this rape of the earth, but then so are we all complicit in some level in the disrespect of different religions, whether it be cute buddahs printed on our flannel jammies or promoting Santa Claus at Christmas which is actually to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.

I personally think that Jesus dildos rank somewhere between the jammies and Santa Claus for level of blasphemy. They could be used to lovingly bless the body with pleasures created by God, or gleefully used with great intent of disrespect to that religion depending on the leanings of the users.

So there. me. blah. blah.

Yesterday. What a day. Fiscal hassles. Yes. I wrote the people I was working with in the US to see when they would send checks for invoices I sent Sept 12 and Sept 21. Seems reasonable. Well, it seems the check for the Sept 12 one will be sent out next week (read Friday, and arriving here the following week, ie Nov 25-28. ack. But the worst news was that the Sept 21 invoice wasnt "approved" until Oct 17, and they are currently working on 60 days payable. ie sometime mid to end Dec. and that is only the third of the six invoices I sent.

They hope I will understand their cashflow problems. This is like standing outside in -40 weather next to someone, and they are hogging the only coat, saying, "I hope you understand our weather conditions". Heck, their cashflow problems ARE my cashflow problems and I am LIVING them the fuckers. I was in the hole when they hired me (and at that point they were working on 30 days payable, not 60, and not taking 25 days to "approve" my invoices ... the director went to Frankfurt book fair so wasnt in house to "approve"), and I was thrilled... yay, US $$, I will get out of the hole. Well, I am now twice as in the hole as I was back then. Yay for christmas shopping. No one will be getting Grim Reaper dildoes I guess.

later...Just wanted to say that at this point the cartoonist Sue Marsden walked in my door, being in town for a comix convention today... more diary entry later.....

4:23 am Well, this is more like a small menu than a smorgasbord, since I spent so much time with Sue, which was very fun. I hadn't met her before though we started corresponding years ago, and it was for her zine Abraxia that I did the Gay Shame Day comic. I made her coffee with hot frothed milk, and got her to partake of my strawberry hookah. mmmm. She too was entranced by the billows of smoke floating in front of the lamps in the moroccan/indian livingroom. mmm smoke! :)

Now I am working on my third page of my quest to have a child which led down many strange emotional and medical paths.(If you haven't seen the first, you might like to start here) You can check it, but note that it is definitely a messy as yet, work in progress. (You might also tell me if you find it loads too slowly... I usually make shorter pages.) But I came back to diaryland from my filemanager to share this fascinating feature of Repromed fertility treatment center in Ontario, which was definitely not available at the time of my purchase of donor sperm from them between 1997 and 2001, a photo visualization option to check out the donors. I must admit I would be fascinated to go back and see if I can look at features of the donors I had hoped to get pregnant by. Perhaps I would go AAAAGH! THANK GOD I was infertile instead of having a poor baby with THAT NOSE!!! :) Unlikely. But this is a fascinating page to look at, I tell ya.

More later maybe! (I actually scanned in some pictures of some small home disasters to share, if I ever get them uploaded!)

Well it is 5:42 am and I am just going to check out squirrelX's new entry before hitting the sack. First I will tell you to go read Starzero's entry about how they're attacking Greenpeace with 18th century high seas laws that ammount to cruel and unusual censorship of political dissent. Read it. Read it. Scary scary. Contact whatever pertinent government official you have there in the sad ol US of Hay. That's it now. Goodnight sleeptight. A calm nice day. Sue said she really liked my space.That is is homey and full of life. That was nice to hear. A nice thought to sleep on. love to me.

Here is my horoscope for Saturday, November 15:

Love and learning overwhelm you enough to break your focus. It's okay to shed a few tears of joy. Once you're steady again, move ahead with a plan that the universe has so obviously approved.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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