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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Monday, Nov. 17, 2003 - 3:58 a.m.

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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Sometimes I want to travel alone

sometimes people are nice to me

and i just want to be alone.

kind of like how i liked to be hungry

when i was the saddest.

it just seemed to fit.

sometimes travelling alone

walking down the street alone

allows me just to be in me

from my point of view

seeing and being in the world.

sometimes I want to be held

but not by a stranger who doesnt know me

I get tired of explaining

and telling stories

trying to make sense

so they'll understand

and the sympathy or empathy or maybe just pity

will feel real.

Or them saying they like me

will feel real.

And i wont feel the need to say

how can you like me

when you have no idea who i am.

Sometimes I just want to be alone.


Or riding my bike my body strong

Or waiting for a bus

Reading a book

in a bar, a cafe, a theater, a subway.

Watching other people

with lovers and family and friends.

Sometimes that is better

Than being lonely

with people who are with you

maybe trying to be caring

but who take all the social space

but none in your heart and your head.

Or your real life.

I miss having. a family. a friend. a lover. a partner.

I am good to my pets.

They are spoiled.

Sometimes I want to travel alone.

If I cannot be with the one I want.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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