Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing
Tuesday, Jun. 08, 2004 - 1:33 a.m.
WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.
Just be Yourself and Make Like a Pumpkin Pie
I was at Chaosdaily's and all I got was this stupid quiz:
The Completely Pointless Personality Quiz
Yay, A Pumpkin Pie! That is very cool. I like being a pumpkin pie. They smell and taste good.
Once again I am tired. I am trying to motivate myself to get over to the other side of the room to color my Far North drawings. Yes I can do it. Once I start I will get totally immersed in it I know. but until then, I feel like I could put my face on the keyboard and just doze off... zzzzz
Today I did 3 pages of comics. So I am still one behind (two were for this "Pussy" zine I promised someone I'd do when I met her in Toronto)... the third was the "monday June 7" one for my website but I shouldve done a Tuesday June 8 one as well, to have automatically uploaded at midnight. ie an hour and a half ago. Tough titties. I will do two tomorrow and then the world will be right again.
Anyhewz it took me ages to scan in the Pussy zine pages and save them in a manner that I thought printed out ok. 300 dpi in greytones and 300 dpi in lineart look like shit printed out, all pixelated and splotchy. I finally did them at 600 dpi lineart, saved as Tiff files. You needed to know that didn't you.
Tomorrow I also have to go to flamenco at 5:30 pm, since I will be missing my regular Thursday class, except for Carmen. I will RUSH from Carmen to the theater where the Boudoir will be on, and I will be doing "Shameless Pampering"... Thursday during the day I have to take a chair and my lamp ob gave me and my costume down to the theater to set up. I will be offering neck, scalp, shoulder, hand, feet massages, as well as a kindly and listening ear or flattery and compliments... you know, pampering. I wanted to offer tea or ice water, but apparently that will interfere with the booths that sell drinks. And the frosted grapes or strawberries and whipped cream to pop into their mouths was nixed too, since that may interfere with the food sales at another booth. These people are just no fun. hehe.
But I will get to see the show for free, dress up as a flapper and have a fun time. I love doing things like this (remember Valenties day?) Way cool. I do the same thing Friday night too.
This is the event of the social calendar here in Montreal, a fundraiser for dyke pride events. Last year I missed it cuz that very night my very own beloved ob was busy leaving me stood up in her apartment in San Fran while her Mme, her roommate and her roommate's sister all went out together to a fetish event and for dinner afterwards til half past midnight. It still boggles me.
Just the thought of inviting her (or anyone) here to Montreal from San Fran, and then going out with three people to an event that she would enjoy, leaving her alone at my place with no idea where I was or when I would show up, while I ate dinner a couple blocks away with a group of my friends, boggles me. Totally boggles me. I have NO idea why she or her friends thought that was in any way ok.
I suspect that they hoped that we would break up. Her Mme didn't want me around, even if it was only one week a month. And her roomate wanted her to be free to hang together, and definitely did NOT want me staying at their place. And we did break up of course. I think it was a concerted effort. And on top of that, I missed the Montreal dyke event of the year. Though I did get the joy of watching The Brady Bunch, Bewitched, Happy Days and several other tv shows that I actually KNOW (unlike any of the ones which have come out in the past 15 years) tha tnight. Yay.
But this year I will have a blast. I will make sure I get photos of me in the flapper dress. I made it for this same event years ago. Thankgod I lost weight, cuz it fits me again.
Well, off to work now. zzzzz. Now I am sagging in my chair like a sack of wet concrete. I remember awhile ago when I was actually sitting up straight... wow. I was getting posture there for awhile, between the better self-esteem, and the flamenco and the yoga. And now I'm back to wet concrete. hehe.
I'll work on it. Some Far North pictures soon, I swear.
Here is my horoscope for Monday, June 7:This is the astrological weather that creates whirlwinds. It's like being in Oklahoma and noticing that the sky has suddenly gone an interesting shade of green. So! Ready or not ....
Wow, Are we in Kansas yet?? No, no it is Oklahoma!! No, No it is Wench's life!!!
hehe. Anyhows thanks to everyone who told me to "just be myself"... unfortunately that is exactly what I am being when people roll their eyes, or make an annoyed face, or leave, or turn off and talk to someone else, or tell me everything that is wrong with my personality. So that is perhaps why I am not so happy with it. Because others aren't and I don't like having people roll their eyes, or make that face, or write me obnoxious emails about my voice and how they faked accepting me. Yeah. All the shits in the world that we all write about in our diaries are "just being themselves"... and we are glad when they lose their jobs, get shit upon, we are happy to write about how obnoxious, intolerable and stupid they are. How we avoid calling them back, or going for coffee with them, or attending their funerals and saying "oh good their kharma is coming in".
And I don't want to be one of those people. None of us want to be those people. But those people, like me and you, are being themselves, and as themselves they are unpleasant and we don't like them nor want them as acquaintances nor as friends. And I might just be one of those people. I have very very little faith in anyone actually liking me past the times I am nice to them, or on a good day here and there as an acquaintance. Very little faith at all.
If I had more faith I would be religious. It is hard enough to believe in myself, let alone a merciful god.
...moments later, I notice here is the "Feminist of the Day" quote:Elizabeth Cady Stanton Suffragette, writer
"The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls."I guess I should remember that. But I STILL hate rolling eyes and people telling me why my personality doesn't suit them. (as if THEIR personalities suit ME. hmmm)
Here are some bonus photos.
Orange flowers at my neighbors' Copyright 2004 Wench77
 Kitty Astrix stretching on the freezer (not for sale) copyright 2004 Wench77 | Radiogurl is a real sweetie and says I am her hero (what an honor! Read her 101 things and you will see what I mean!). Now why couldn't I be ob's hero? Or any of the other people I admired and loved over the past 25 years? I just don't know. Sometimes I feel like people just don't see me or know me. Yes I can be annoying for brief moments. But I am one helluva great person. Sigh and double sigh. Hope you like the kitty. She's a cutie and cuddly to boot. |
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previous meanderings - future past
Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009
