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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Wednesday, Dec. 07, 2005 - 2:48 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Word of the Day

OK, I really don't know that eating together last monday, friday, sleeping over friday, saturday, eating together this monday and tuesday constitutes 'going slowly'. What do you think?

Thank god for the kid, or we'd be tearing eachother's clothes off ten seconds after he is in the door, preferably on the kitchen counter. Dang.

My favorite word yesterday was 'smile'. As in 'you make me smile'. 'Dang, wenchie, you are really smiley today'. ' I can't stop smiling'.

My favorite word today is 'mutual'. Such as 'you make me melt' 'you give me shivers' 'i want you': "it's mutual".

Yup. I really like that word.
very much.
like a LOT.

very very much.


Doesn't that have the most resonant ring to it.

So yeah, he and the kid came over for supper tonight... spaghetti as I make it... 'cept the kid is on a mom-mandated diet of no red meat no dairy. Well, I don't cook red meat (though his dad did last night... halfway through a rare steak the kid goes 'is this red meat? mom says i can't eat red meat til my cough goes away. or dairy" (as he scarfs down a glass of milk.)

So as I normally do extrasuperdairy... ie tons of melted cheese on top of vegetarian spaghetti sauce, I did soya groundmeat replacement in the sauce. His dad and I had dairy on top of it too. But rollerboy just had a weeeeee tiny little cheesetaste of mine and a glass of orange juice with his dairyfree spagat.

Gotta respect the mom, his dad and I decided. yup.

So yeah, well, thank god for 12 year olds who like to draw. I set him up after dinner with a sheet of bristol board on my drawing table, a pencil and some dip pens... and he drew this angel. A large naked female angel. He was like 'how do the tetons go??" that is the tits for y'all out there nonfrancophones.

So I was obliging ....

hey! he's TWELVE!! Not THAT obliging....

I was obliging and brought out a book of 'the body in motion: reference photos for the artist", so he got tetons left right and center on nudes from every angle. To be fair, there was a fair share of crouching, jumping, flying, walking, running male nudes too. But there ya go. How to keep a twelve year old busy after supper.

He did an amazing drawing with the dip pen (and had to learn how to deal with black ink blotches that you didn't plan... he thought he'd ruined the drawing, as he blopped on the wing feathers, and we got him to just darken elsewhere in the drawing to eaven it out)... a 14 inch drawing of a woman with wide feathered wings taking off into the sky. Even a view of the jaw from below. Pretty cool.

He owes me a drawing (not this one, which he was very attached to taking home) for helping him fold laundry last night. hah!

anyways, yeah, 12 yr olds have late bedtimes and large ears, but we still sucked face a little in the kitchen. And 'mutualed" a bit. You know. Mutual Omaha's Wild Kingdom. Heavy breathing. Hormones. Mating calls. All that.


I think I am becoming smitten.
I think it is mutual.

I dunno. I cannot remember the last time I felt so suited to someone. OK, maybe in university in about 1984. That is a while back.

He is intelligent and quirky, funny and responsible. Artistic and hardworking. He can talk about the rudest things and the most thoughtful emotional things. (yes, he TALKS!!) He is inventive and silly. He likes taking photos, and writing music, singing and dancing. omg a straight man who dances. And who can be sexy OR silly or BOTH when he dances. (you should see the kid imitating his dad imitating rod stewart dancing. cracks me up). He has good environmental attitudes, good political attitudes, is gay friendly and though doesn't know much about kink at all, appears to be kink friendly. Can use teeth and passion while kissing. Is gentle and caring but also impulsive and firm. Polite and respectful of his kids' moms, even despite disagreements and a few broken promises. Goes into poverty to keep up his alimony payments. Totally fantastic with his kids. Doesn't care how I dress, but notices and compliments if I do dress well or look good. Thinks I am cute and adorable and talented. Holds hands while sleeping. Cuddles. Watches the simpsons and nature shows but otherwise dislikes tv.

Likes to camp, canoe, climb, ski, snowshoe, rides a bike even in winter for transportation. Rides a motorcycle. Gets along well enough with his ex to share a car as well as custody of the kid. AND he has a great ass.

Supposedly bad things?? Doesn't like to work in corporate places. Tells his boss what he thinks (and apparently other people too). Is too nice to be really firm about cutting exes out of his life and puts up with bad relationships for too long (hmmm, now don't those bad things sound a little familiar? ... she looks in the mirror). Seems to have slept too much with really straight girls who have little imagination or get go in bed. (what do you MEAN straight girls don't play with boynipples? what is WITH y'all? sheesh?????)

Bad things from some people's point of view: has complicated custody deals with two different women as well as having a fulltime 9-5 job, meaning he is often tired and or busy with picking up, dropping off, homework, bedtimes, laundry and just all that stuff of life. Personally it just makes me admire him. Cuz he keeps on truckin and manages to make it work, and still be fun with his kids. They totally love him. I don't remember hanging off my father like they do with him.

Well, dang.
I am now entering the annoying phase. Where I go on and on about someone so that all my friends roll their eyes. hah.

OK, I gotta get to bed. Look at me. in bed at 3am and up way before noon, finished going to the gym by 3pm instead of 10:30 pm. hah.

He might sleep over here tomorrow night after he hangs out with some friends after work. I wish I could bring him to a christmas party I have with friends on Friday but he has both his daughter and his son. I should think of something small for his daughter. She is nine this weekend. And I got something small (some drawing stuff) for his son for HIS birthday at halloween. Though I know the son more, they're both his kids.

Ahhhh, he says he wants to spend more time with me... and he's taking two weeks off at christmas, and maybe we could do something... snowshoeing or something.

It is all a little surreal.

I would say I am guardedly optimistic.
what do you say about that?
It might just be warranted.

but I am not sure it is called 'taking it slow'.


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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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