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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Saturday, Oct. 08, 2005 - 6:31 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Wordyverbosedaylog without an Exacto

OMIGOD do I actually get any work done? who knows?

What I did today:
*Get a phone message from an insurance agency about my waterdamage from 2nd floor tenant's shower. It is the wrong insurance agency... the one that insures my office space and computer etc, NOT the one that insures the whole 5plex.
*Call back the insurance agency to say they are the wrong agency (leave a message)
*Call my insurance broker again (they never called back since Wed, despite promising to), leaving a message (it was 2pm and their answering machine said 'we are in the office 10-12, 1-4, please call back within these hours. They seem to have missed timetelling class in school).
*Talk to 2nd floor tenant. He's bitchin about having no shower, and the fact I won't let him use draino.
*Take a call from the insurance broker who says, yup, I'm right, wrong agency... and could I please estimate the $value of the damage. I respond I am an illustrator, not a plumber, a contractor or an claims expert. Who the hell knows if it is more than $500 of damage? So they open a dossier. And YES I may call a plumber to get the drain fixed so the guy can shower again. The insurance does not pay for plumbers. It is out of my pocket.
*Call a plumber. Leave a message.
*Call another plumber, Leave a message.
*Call a friend who is a homeowner and leave a message asking if he has any plumbing or contractor contacts.
*Think of washing my butt. Realize I started my period. Yay.
*Get call back from homeowner friend who says he is WITH a contractor who does plumbing and will stop by in 10 minutes.
*Nix the buttwashing (though yes, I took care of the period), favouring taking doggy outside for her belated poop. Poor doggie.
*Homeownerfriend and plumber arrive, and look at the damage. Says he would forget about my soggy dragging ceiling and just let it dry. Goes upstairs and looks at the shower. Says that it is likely the bad calking that made it leak when it got plugged. Says insurance probably will not pay for inadequate maintenance. I grimace thinking the effin tenant scrubs his shower stall, not me, and could have paid $3 for calking or told me. Plumber says he will have to take out shower stall to see if the pipe under the drain is ok, or needs changing, and clean out the drain so it doesn't jam up still, etc etc. While getting into car, says he will come by on Monday yay.
*Homeowner friend sort of bitches at me saying he thought I had water pissing out all over the place and the plumber has to get going and it isn't an emergency (despite the message I had left on his phone: 'on wed the guy upstairs shower stall was blocked and leaked all over my head. He wants to be able to take a shower, do you have the phone # of a plumber or contractor?"... does that sound like water is pissing on my head TODAY NOW? no.)
*I call tenant and I bitch that they don't think it is pressing, despite him needing his shower. Tenant yells at me I am stressing him out, and he doesn't want to hear anymore and hangs up when I am trying to say that the plumber will come on Monday.
*I go upstairs to say that the plumber will come on Monday, but before I say anything, the tenant goes off again on how I don't do anything except call the insurance,and the damage from June isn't fixed and he is having a hard day, and his job, and his life, and his sleep and his... and his.. and his... and his boyfriend is visiting from France and he needs a shower and he can't deal with me and go away. It is VERY HARD to interrupt to say 'the PLUMBER IS COMING ON MONDAY'. But finally I do, and he bitches, MONDAY? MONDAY? He is coming on a HOLIDAY??, as though he is being REALLY bothered by the plumber coming on Monday. I say he is damn lucky that a plumber would come on a holiday instead of spending the day eating thanksgiving turkey with his kid. Damn.
*Tenant continues to yell that it is not his fault and the house is a mess and he can't shower and refuses to take my offer to use my shower, and throws me out. yay.
*I turn around for twenty minutes trying not to cry and hating my house. How can I have a kid? I haven't even eaten breakfast yet or washed my butt.
*It is pouring pissing rain outside. Dog is lying in the mud. Yay.
*I spend two hours calling other plumbers in the yellow pages. No one will do work before Tuesday.
*I finally give up and go upstairs and give the tenant the phonebook and tell him all the places I have called are written down, and he can spend the rest of the day if he likes calling to see if he can find a plumber before monday, I am done.
*I eat breakfast after washing my butt. Amazingly I do not die washing at the sink instead of having a shower.
*I call a friend for some support. She's busy with family over the weekend. Realize that I am overwhelmed and when I am overwhelmed i want support and if I adopt I will likely wear out all my friends with my problems with the building, and never have a family like them, and hate myself, and hate the building and hate the tenant and hate plumbing and hate mud on big dogs.
*I wash my hair and get ready to go out to work at the coffeeshop.
*A plumber where I had left a message calls me back and says he will unclog the shower drain for 1.5 hours minimum, plus travel time, at double time for holiday work, plus materials and tools, comes to $300. I say, leave off. The effin tenant can stay in a hotel for that price til Monday comes.
*I want to sell the building and move to china. If I had an exacto blade with which to do surgery to remove the part of my personality that snowballs from the drain needing unclogging to I will forever be overwhelmed by building problems and will never have a child and will die lonely and sad, I would use the effin blade. Dang. And take out the part that stresses and talks too fast and too loud so no one wants to listen while I'm at it. Thankfully even if I had an exacto blade, I would have no idea where in my body these parts of me are physically located, so I do no surgery.
*I work at the coffeeshop and burst out in tears at least three times.
*I conclude that I would make the world's worst parent. I cry some more. I realize I am worse to myself and my ego than my father is. Yikes.
*I buy some fruit. yay.
*I vacuum the whole house with the foundbythesideoftheroad vacuum and it works totally great. Dang. How great is that? Vacuuming makes my life happier. Yay for vacuuming.
*I vacuum all the sofacovers and do a laundry of them. The livingroom looks great. Morale improves.
*I decide to reward my hard work housecleaning with a meal in a resto. OOOPS it is incredibly 10pm and everything is closed.
*I take muddydoggy in the pissing rain to the store and by a MIKES frozen pizza and a box of Whippets cookies. One must find sustenance someplace.
*Walk doggies in the waterlogged empty park.
*Call kungfu guy. Like someone on another blog said, maybe he ignored me at the kungfu school cuz it is a disciplined place and he can't greet me there. Turns out that is true. wow. who knew. But then I lost him when I changed phones, and just got an answering machine. He didn't call me back. oh well. so much for great love. haha.
*ate the pizza. Too much crust. Buy a thinner crust pizza next time.
*Ate too many cookies.
*Called my guy friend in the states who I wanted to go out with in 1984. He wants to write a movie about when we met and knew eachother in the 80's... something like Chasing Amy. Though it was me chasing, and he only giggled when I made a pass at him (we used to sleep together in only underpants many times a week when we were lonely).
*I ask him why he never went out with me. He said I was going out with too many different people. I chew on this information for hours. Hmmm. I wonder what you are supposed to do when you start dating someone and they decide to date someone else instead. Remain celibate for two years before dating someone new? Weird. And even more weirdly, I think that year I slept with ONE person, ONCE. Then they got mono, I found out they had another lover they lived with, and we became just friends. No other sex for over a year. Dang. That is seeing too many people??? While we're on the phone discussing whether I should kill myself or sell my house, he sends me an email with this link calling it 'it could be worse". hah.
*He tells me I wouldn't spiral into depressive thoughts if I went on Celexa like he is on. I spend a couple hours googling Celexa, including taking two quizzes on whether I am depressed or have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I am mildly depressed and do NOT have anxiety disorder. Oh well. Like I want to be on drugs. Though it might work better to remove my personality than the abovementioned exacto.
*I use the Ikea vacuumcleanerhoselike tube thing to cover my computer wires. It looks nice.
*I move my puter and one of the four wheels breaks off of the metal puter table. Dang. I put it up on blocks like some car in a bad neighborhood. I question whether I can call my ex, Mr. Black or if that would be just not on. He could solder it. or weld it or whatever they do. Damn.
*I think I should work. I have a coffee and look at some blogs.
*I realize it is nearly 4am. I get two hours work done.
*I read some more blogs.
*I realize it is 6:30 am. I decide to write this entry.

That's it.
So, the house is cleaner. I have fruit to eat and pizza and cookies. The doggy is finally inside rubbed down and slightly damp and slightly muddy. The livingroom looks great. The CBC and the presenters guild have reached a tentative agreement and they might be back to regular programming for the first time in two months. I rejoice. The computer wires look great. I got almost no work done... since I was on the phone and with plumbers and the 2nd floor neighbor til SIXpm!!! And now I am so tired I have no idea why I'm still here.

What a stupid dull entry. So talkyon-y.
I miss Meeyapede and Sleepyzoe from their diaryland blogs. I really do.
I am sorry I am behind on so many other diaryland blogs. I have been out in typepad and blogspotland. I am sorry. Reading blogs of people trying to become parents or succeeding at becoming parents. Cuz that is my obsession right now. I am sorry. I am being a bad diarylander. I don't put pictures anymore. I don't edit and spellcheck. I often don't leave comments.

OK, I will not downspiral on that. I will go heat some cheese in the microwave and go to sleep.
nightnight. Me wenchie.

One day I might love someone again. One day I might let someone love me.
One day I might have a kid and a family.
If i say these things often enough, instead of the opposite, they might come true.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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