Thursday, Aug. 05, 2004 - 12:49 a.m.
Cost of the War in Iraq
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Happy Family Get-Togethers, Prairie Teachers and Chinese Buddha
I am zonked... sleeping mostly on airplanes between takeoff and landing will do that. Even crossing the Atlantic isn't really long enough for a proper night's sleep, what with all the "put your chairback in the upright position and please stow your laptop table in the chairback in front of you"... let alone a flight where you have to change planes.
A few of you seemed amazed that a family reunion could be anything but horrid, but let me tell ya, I think that I am one of the few for whom there are few unturned rocks... most of my wiggly icky bugs have been out in the open for ages, and squished.
Even my father, I got back onto good terms with, five years back at the last family reunion.
I admit to being vague about the gender pronouns when it comes to dating, but I am beginning to think that is my own shit... the most religious of my cousins who attended announced to me that her hubby's brother is gay and got married in the states to another guy recently. And she didn't seem the slightest bit flustered.... note that it is the same hubby who organized the incredibly enjoyable nonstress softballgame. I might start considering church-going men if they are like him. Dances, great with kids, tolerant, funny, low stress, good for everyone's egos. Jeepers.
My cousins and I were discussing the day after the reunion, that many of them who live closer and see each other on a more regular basis than I have not had the space to have that real break that allows you to come back as a different older person and get out of childhood roles.
They were amazed that when I asked a cuz who was snottola incorporated in her youth "what is an inning?" during the ballgame, that instead of making fun and sneering, she openly and nicely answered the question. Same ex-snottola was really nice to me five years ago as well at the last reunion, when I said to her "you know, you were insufferable as a kid, and as a teen were snotty and made us feel put down and left out". She acted sort of surprised and said, gee, me? I'm sorry!...
I think what makes these things enjoyable for me is that old shit gets confronted, or replaced, with better interactions. And that may not be true for some of my cousins who still have these clouds of years of bad interactions hanging over them. Also perhaps not all of them were able to practice toughlove on their Dad, as I did, to great effect, over the years.
Calling a spade a spade, and putting my foot down. I think it helps.
I do think that my family made leaps and bounds of healthy changes since the 80's, which lightens things... alcoholic uncles were left by aunts who decided to expand their lives, get educations and jobs. Quite a change when many of them had 6-8 kids and were farm wives. There was a lot of AA, Alanon, Alateen action in the family in the late 80's early 90's, which really helps with the horrid secret, bad behaviour behind closed doors thing. Though I do wonder about OUR generation, now that our parents have cleaned up their act alot.
Interestingly there are probably half of us 30 plus cousins who aren't married or have no kids. I sat down next to one guy, perhaps 5-6 years my elder, and said "so, you married with six kids yet?!!"... (I added the six kids cuz I knew NONE of us could say yes to that one, so "no" wasn't as excluding)... he cringed and said "no, not married, no kids"... and I answered, "me neither"... He visibly relaxed, and I actually got him to chuckle by adding "isn't it better when the one who asks you that can say no too?!"
It does affect me somewhat though that there are at least 6 female cousins within my age group (2-3 years of age from me) who are happily married with great kids, including my favorite cousin and childhood playmate, Portia. I always had assumed as a child that our kids would be close and play together, and be great friends as we were. Her's and her sister's kids are close like that, going to the cottage together, having sleepovers etc. I really feel like I have missed the boat.
And here is the cover of a book I bought in a comics shop that took some of my comics to sell. I totally couldn't pass it up. It is self-explanatory. :)
Hope you have all been well. Me yup. Though noticing how stiff I get from polkaing and playing softball. More physical fitness regiment to come!
hugs to me, wenchie.
Here is my horoscope for Wednesday, August 4:
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previous meanderings - future past
Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
*inspired by Chaosdaily