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Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Sunday, Sept. 28, 2003 - 5:46 p.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

I am Lois.

hahahahahahaheheheheihhihihihihihihi... insane laughing indicating it is nearly 6pm and the closest i have come to working is picking up my pen and bringing it close to the computer!! haha! i dont use my pen near the computer!! aagh!

Here is the results of my "what Family Guy Character Are You?"

Which Family Guy Character are you? Take the Quiz!

I got this from the diary of vbitch. I hate to say it, but a 6 or 7 question quiz pins me down. How scary is that??? agh. I am Lois.

Back to work. Hardworking and dedicated.....


3:03am... what is with me... reading this grief site again... what HEARTBREAKING stories!!!

How about this one... the woman has three little girls with cystic fibrosis...the first died at 2 1/2 years.... then she had two... and when they were 5 months and 3 yrs old they got chicken pox... they were worried about the more sickly older one, but the youngest died. And that depressed the older one who didnt seem to fight as hard for life anymore.... and here is the quote:

Annette loved her baby sister so much that her grief was as profound as mine. From that day forward she didn't try as hard to fight her illness any longer. One year and twelve days later she had been in the hospital for eight-weeks. For forty-eight hours she refused to close her eyes to sleep. Finally i asked if she was afraid to sleep, her reply was, "If i go to sleep mama Jesus will come and I'll go with Him. Then you won't have a little girl to make you smile anymore." I learned that day what true love is. My precious four year old daughter was fighting to live so I'd be happy. She'd been suffering all her life and terribly bad for weeks but she was thinking of me. I whispered to her how much I loved her and said, "if you're tired baby and want to sleep, you go to sleep and if Jesus comes you go with Him and I'll always smile knowing He made you healthy." My little girl removed her oxygen mask for the first time in weeks softly kissed me said I love you mommy placed her head on my shoulder and went to sleep. When she awoke she was strong and healthy in Heaven.

Aaagh! that is heartrending!! This was written by Marcella Callicutt... you can read the whole story at: Webhealing. The ones about stillborn babies are killers too. God. Maybe one day i'll write one about never getting pregnant... all the babies i hoped to have at different times. The little blond boy named Benjamin Otto. The little darkhaired girl named Sarah. Babies i imagined in my belly. Babies i imagined coming out in pain and holding wet and sticky in my arms as their eyes looked at me the first time. Babies i imagined tickling and smelling their toes. Babies i imagined tucking into bed, reading books to, pat-a-cake, rocking in a rocking chair, singing songs, playing on the floor in the kitchen while i made cookies, running through the house screaming with the dog, coming home from school. Babies that never happened that never came.

Boy, here i was doing so cheerfully before i started reading this tonight...

I have to restrain myself again from sending these pages to ob... to say to her... do NOT kill yourself... read how these people feel... you think you cause pain in life... yes, everyone does, but you cause so much joy too... and look at how everyone left behind will feel if they lose you forever. Do NOT GO!!! I miss ob. I miss her. I want to hold her in good energy and growth and happiness and love and keep her safe.

I must get back to work now for an hour or two...


Here is my horoscope for Sunday, September 28:
Desire pushes the envelope of what's appropriate. Appreciate the things that you already have before making a fool of yourself in search of more. Hear the legitimate needs of family and friends.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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