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Music:BARE again by Annie Lennox... yum yum

Reading: new issue of On Our Backs magazine... makes me sad.

Quote today:"True Christians follow orders and are always loyal to their bosses."... see also psyc

Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo Blessing

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Thursday, Oct. 02, 2003 - 1:10 a.m.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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WARNING!!!! if you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of hearing things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is ok to read, save yourself and me the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, ie my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. Keep that in mind. Thanks. * Here is a Diary Etiquette Read Me.

Breakfast Croissants and The Gay Agenda

aaagh! forgot to buy tea! no black tea, no black tea!!! I will have to drink healthy Postum all evening instead of twelve cups of tea. On the radio yesterday they were extolling the virtues of tea, but i cannot think of a one. Makes your teeth brown, that i know. Must brush and then use that peroxide Dr. George shit again. The funny things i got from ob... was thinking i should go get a tan again too... heehee, if only the cheap quick and easy place next to my house didnt have that creepy owner guy standing out front... he's sort of pudgy, badly shaven, middle aged, and hangs on the front door. The last time i went, right before michfest when i wanted to look good and bond with ob on the teeth and tan thing (not to mention the gym thing... was hoping to find out about her new exercises she learned etc)... that idiot put the timer on somesuch... i was keeping an eye on the time... good thing cuz i had asked for 12 mins and it DEFINITELY did NOT shut off, and I got out at 16 mins. frizzle frazzle sizzle, yes that is dawench turning into crisp bacon! eekola!!

Still, maybe i'll go back. Gotta work out again too one of these days... have only gone back one day since fest and i am sort of disappearing like a bar of soap... imperceptibly getting thinner. My pewter bracelet falls off my arm when i dance, and that means my wrist is skinny. Funny how i used to eat and eat when i was down... a whole box of Raisin Bran, or twelve muffins. At one point I ate carrots, figuring if i was going to nosh down nonstop I may as well eat something low cal. I think once i ate 5 lbs of carrots in one day. Boy does that do wonders for your bowels! NOT!

Now I dont even remember if i ate or not. I do have my "breakfast croissant" everyday... now i dont even order, i say "the regular", which is a "breakfast croissant with allongé 3/4 with hot cream"... for those of you who may be reading this who have no clue, an allongé is long espresso coffee, and it usually about half fills a regular coffee cup... i ask them to let it run to 3/4 full... and they are real sweet and steam my cream for me, so it doesnt make my coffee cold! :) I have stopped hanging at les Belles Soeurs cuz of the horrid surly service that is slower than molasses in a saskatchewan barn in March, AND they dont have croissants. Croissants are the next best thing to that organic dark chocolate when you are down. Lots of butter and you can sort of unroll the layers of pastry. Good with a good coffee that you sip slowly. Quality instead of quantity. I dont feel so bad about breakfast croissant, since it has ham, egg, cheese, lettuce, with a slice of orange, grapefruit and a strawberry on the side... sort of a balanced meal. Kind of silly, i am still hungry after eating it, but it makes me feel comforted.

Today i got back my Annie Lennox BARE cd, so that is what i'm listening to. I wonder if ob listens to the one i sent her, or if she finds it "too painful". I am not sure if it was a gift, or a poke in the side. Sharing or not. Well i guess it is sharing, whether it is sharing the beauty of the music, or the pain. Maybe sharing the beauty of the pain. hah! there you go.

Today again not much got done. I wrote a list of things to do and didnt do a single one. Most had to be contacting people before 5pm which didnt happen. I DID get to sleep at 6am again, so up at 1:30... agh. Walked the dog, bought more chocolate, and then when i went for breakfast (at 3:30!!) I ran into a woman i hadnt seen for maybe 6 years... used to work with her when she was young (and pudgy like me!) at the fine arts store in 1988!! We talked about relationships.. she is single but has a 5yr old boy, by accident! She didnt even want to have kids. I think she is the youngest of a RC family of 12 or so. eek!

Then on my way home, motoboy drove by and said hi. Nice to see him... havent seen him more than an hour in the past month and a half. Busy with work, and i think he's seeing some girl... that WILL happen. ahdear.

Went to two films tonight... the first was No Secret Anymore: The times of Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon... a history of the pioneering women who started Daughters of Bilitis as a lesbian social group in the 1950's, and are still going 50 years later, both as a couple and as activists, in everything from lesbian rights, lesbian parenting rights, civil rights, marriage legislation, battered women's rights... mindboggling. They said "burnout hadnt been invented yet, so we didnt know anybetter"... they are so funny. A real inspiration and a great history lesson. Unfortunately there were only about 30 women in the audience, and most were 30-60 years old. I would have liked to preempt some sexy young things' movie with this one, to show it to an unsuspecting audience who would be like "wow! we never knew that!!!"... oh, the fantasy.

The other selection was a bunch of educational films on homosexuality... i think it was a bit hit and miss and a bit disappointing... i was expecting more blatantly ohmigod antihomosexual shit... i think the stuff we saw was tame for the most part. The funniest was the selections of Disney films showing "MORE BUMS!!" "MORE BOOBS!!!" "MALE TRANSVESTISM!!!" that some association for the family put together to encourage the RR to boycott Disney as purveyors of perversion. One would think it was a spoof, but apparently it was real. The other interesting movie in the bunch was "The Report:The Gay Agenda", which you can buy over the internet right now... scary. It was followed by a somewhat overdone spoof called "The Heterosexual Agenda". I say "overdone" because at times they exaggeratedly flipped the coin... ie "i used to be het but i'm straight now"... where all they really needed to do was use the exact same words, and show how hets do all the same things... have orgies, desperately seek partners in singles bars, flaunt their sexuality in magazines and fashion, have bad relationships, get diseases through sex, provide info to teens on finding a partner and exploring the lifestyle....What teen girl magazine doesnt have articles about kissing, and pleasing boys?... i actually just bought an issue of Young Miss or somesuch, cuz i was so boggled they had a whole article on penises (with photos), with the cover being a young woman (maybe 16) looking into a man's yfronts! I got it at the checkout counter at the grocery store next to the bubble gum.

I love it when they say that if some homosexuals can be "cured" to heterosexuality, it means it is a choice for everyone. That is like saying that all alcoholics can quit tomorrow, since I can easily go for a month without drinking. Or that religion shouldnt be a protected right, since anyone can convert to a different religion by choice. Or perhaps that blacks shouldnt be protected if they can dig up a few who can pass as white. So incredibly offensive as an argument for stealing someone's rights not to be oppressed, beaten and discriminated against. urkola

Here are some more links about this film lineup:The Gay Agenda
A Vancouver Wiccan policeman exposes the makers of the film "The Report: the Gay Agenda"... check out their other titles!! eeeek!
Richard Parent asks Is heterosexuality fear of your own gender?... interesting and amusing article.
Fascinating artlcle criticising the gay agenda of It's Elementary: Gay and Lesbian Issues in the Classroom, a film I previously saw and adored at Image&Nation film fest.

anyways for your amusement, here is alink to The Gay Agenda... make sure you click on the button at the bottom of the page.

and from the same website, here is The Good Wife's Guide... ironically it could also be called "the good slave's guide"... eery parallels... no wonder i cringe at 24/7 ownership... just too fucking stepford wifey for me. urkola!!! ahhh, but it's consensual! glll. Yah and Hurrah for uppity women, both straight and bdsm, both wives and subs, both het and dykes. Submission should not be a lifestyle. That is just my opinion of course. Anyone wanting to tell me why it is so great is free to send me an email, if they dare to enter into debate! LOL! (scary wicked cackle inserted here)

Well, it is only 2:38 am... i COULD still work today. Do you think it would be bad of me to run the vacuum or practice flamenco?? I realize now that flamenco is like playing the drums... one must do it appropriately, preferably at home, before 8pm, and better yet, in a soundproof room. oh dear! stomp click click stomp!! I wonder when we graduate from stretchy black pants (hey, mine look great! gotta wear em with a thong so i dont get pantyline, and then i have a NICE ass! (my god, perhaps i have finally at 40 gotten over my "my ass is horrid" complex!! it POSSIBLE??)... anyways, when we graduate from pants to flashy dresses with ruffles around the legs... i want to flash the dress, man!! ...heehee. perhaps I AM a secret femme! LOL!

If i go to michfest next year I want to participate in BOTH the Femme and Butch parades, i decided. I didnt do either before cuz i felt "i am not a femme", "i am not a butch"... hah! i shall do BOTH! and BLOW EM AWAY!.. that is if i dare go back. If i have yet one more past intimate lover avoiding me, i may just stay away. aaagh. Makes me want to put em all in a box and go "toc toc" with their little dear heads together, and then make each look me in the eyes and act like a normal human being. Like that guy in the mirror said... young men and young women express violence and agression in different ways... men physically hit people, and women shun them. So nice to have someone acknowledge that shunning is actually an act of violence towards others. Nasty nasty nasty. (aside: if i want to go "toc toc" with their little dear heads, am i masculinely violent??!! !!)

well, i was verbose enough tonight. Should see if i can dig up some images to shove in there. I wish i felt happier stealing jpgs of the internet.. i'd shove in movie stills. but no... i will look see if any of my own pics can be appropriate. Maybe another one of the cat!!


"To paraphrase Jesus Christ in modern language, "Real psychopathy is not the snapping, it's the ability to maintain a calm presence and give plausible explanations to implausible events." Matthew 23:27-28 "

Quotes today courtesy of Cronus Connection

Here is my horoscope for Wednesday, October 1:

Pretend to be reasonable until all the nervous people aren't looking. No matter what they think, you can do anything. With so much sexy energy in your sign, the world is completely and totally yours.

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previous meanderings - future past

Goodbye Michael. May your next life be kinder to you. - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Taking Care of Your Cows - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Saint Joseph robs the cradle and eats spaghetti - Sunday, Jun. 14, 2009
sticky notes and broken irises - Friday, Jun. 12, 2009
The FOODCOMMANDER - Monday, Jun. 08, 2009


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